


Ready To Run

by bazerella



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, More fluff than angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:00:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 54,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23993422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazerella/pseuds/bazerella
Summary: After his mother's death, Neil Josten becomes a real boy and starts school at Palmetto High School. Being homeschooled his whole life has not properly prepared him for this moment so it's a good thing he has his best friend Kevin to help him out. This story follows Neil in his first year of high school as he tries to navigate his new life. Filled with competitive games of kickball, odd baseball references, and a whole lot of first times, Neil finds a family within his new group of friends.For the first time in his life, Neil wants to live life to fullest and if that includes kissing a certain blonde haired boy then so be it.
Relationships: Kevin Day & Neil Josten, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 138
Kudos: 460





	1. Meet Neil Josten

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on twitter @ bazerella :)))

Nine months ago, Mary Hatford died. Nathaniel and his mother had lived in a small house in an average neighborhood in Palmetto, South Carolina since he was eight years old. Technically he wasn’t even Nathaniel anymore. Legally he was “Neil Josten” but he didn’t really go out enough to warrant that name actually being used. Witness Protection and the FBI had said there was no way Nathaniel’s father, Nathan, would find them. They were wrong. 

Mary and Nathaniel had been having a very small Christmas celebration. They were sitting in the living room, each with a cup of tea and some cheesy Hallmark movie on the television, when suddenly they heard a bump from upstairs. 

Mary had always been paranoid, it worsened when they had gone into Witness Protection. As a result, Nathaniel was homeschooled, and the both of them didn’t have many friends. Mary had allowed Nathaniel to befriend the kid from next door, Kevin Day, on the basis that Kevin’s step mother was a nurse, and it could be helpful. Nathaniel thought his mother probably felt a tad guilty with all her restrictions on what he could and could not do, too. Being allowed to hang out with Kevin was her olive branch to Nathaniel. 

There were conditions, of course. Nathaniel couldn’t go over to Kevin’s house where Mary couldn’t see him. And if they hung out at Nathaniel’s house, Mary always hovered in the next room. 

Kevin was two years older than Nathaniel and everything he wanted to be. He was tall, athletic, and seemed to know everything. Of course, these were Nathaniel’s thoughts when he first met Kevin at the age of nine. Kevin was eleven, double digits! Nathaniel thought Kevin was way smarter than he actually was. He learned as they both got older that Kevin did not in fact know everything, he was kind of a nerd, and could be really intense sometimes. But he was Nathaniel’s only friend and regardless of Kevin’s own issues, Nathaniel was grateful for him. 

Mary put her tea on the table, very quietly. Nathaniel had looked at her with wide eyes and Mary put a single finger to her lips. 

Then, the backdoor of the house had flung open, a “Honey, I’m home!” was yelled out. 

Nathaniel doesn’t remember much of that night. His mother had ran to the backyard, and never came back in. The bump upstairs had been two of his father's lackeys. They were able to inflict quite a bit of damage to Nathaniel’s arms and torso before being shot down by the FBI. 

After that, Nathaniel’s uncle Stuart had come in from London. He had decided instead of forcing this now fourteen year old boy to move his life again, he would stay with him in Palmetto. Nathaniel had never had the opportunity to live as Neil Josten. Or at least, that’s what Stuart had argued with the FBI and they agreed. 

Being homeschooled his whole life, Nathaniel had been able to argue on his own that he should not start the eighth grade in the middle of the school year. He should wait until September so he could start Palmetto High School as a freshman and hopefully be able to blend in more. Stuart reluctantly agreed. 

Nathaniel had not stepped out of his house after his mother’s death until January 19th. His birthday. He stepped out of his house at 6:08am and breathed in the air. He was now, and forevermore Neil Josten. 

From then on, Neil had hung out with Kevin a lot more. He even had dinner at his house sometimes. He liked Abby and her cooking. Everything she did was homemade. It was a good change compared to the frozen microwave meals he was used to eating. Mary never liked to leave the house too much so her grocery shopping consisted of going to the closest 7-11 and stocking up. Neil wasn’t that comfortable around Kevin’s father, David, but he didn’t always mind when Neil and Kevin would pass a football in the backyard and David would comment on Neil’s technique to help him improve. 

Neil Josten was a real boy. He had a friend, and was going to start school in September. He was going to live. 

~

Neil stood pacing across the floor of Kevin’s bedroom. Part of his plan of adjusting to his new life as a real boy was to get comfortable in other places other than his house. His first day at Palmetto High School was tomorrow and he just wanted to blend in. He didn’t want to walk in and do something weird that let every other kid in school know that he was some kind of freak that had been homeschooled until now. 

Kevin was a surprisingly good help with all this. As soon as summer started Kevin had begun integrating Neil a little bit with a few of his friends. Neil didn’t want to rely on Kevin, but he didn’t really have anyone else. 

Before summer, Kevin had tried to bring Neil to a baseball game at Palmetto, but Neil had seen the crowd and couldn’t move from the car. 

After that Kevin had eased Neil into things. He invited a few of his football friends over along with Neil so they could hang out and play video games but Neil could go home anytime he wanted. He brought Neil to the track at Palmetto, first just the two of them, and then with the same friends from the video game night. 

Abby was the school’s nurse so a few days ago she had let Kevin and Neil into the building so that Kevin could give Neil a tour. Neil did  _ not _ want to ask anyone for directions on his first day. He practiced opening his locker and by some miracle he ended up with the same lunch period as Kevin. Neil thought it might have had to do with Stuart being friendly with the school’s principal but he didn’t want to ask and risk ruining it. 

“Neil, you’re going to put a hole in my floor.” Neil stopped pacing at the sound of Kevin’s voice. 

“I don’t think I can do this.” Neil had put too much reliance on Kevin. Kevin was a junior! He couldn’t be seen babysitting some freshmen. Kevin was on the football team and on the debate team. He was popular! Neil was a nobody. And what would happen when Kevin graduated? Neil would still have to be in school for two years after that. 

“Yes, you can.” Kevin said. Neil watched as he took a seat on the floor, seeming not to care that Neil was losing his goddamn mind. “You know the school, you know where your locker is. I’m going to drive you to school. You have homeroom with Matt. Get through three classes. Do you remember what they are?” 

“US History, English, Algebra 2.” Neil had his schedule memorized as soon as he had access to it back in early July. 

“Good. After that, I’m going to meet you by your locker and we’ll walk to lunch together. Everyone you’ve met already will be there plus a few others but you’ll sit right next me okay?” Neil nodded in affirmation. “Four more classes after that, what are they?” 

“Biology, French, Gym, Study Hall.” Neil had opted in taking French because he was already pretty fluent in the language so he tested into the higher level course. That meant he’d be in Kevin and Jean’s class. 

“And remember that every other day instead of Gym you have an art studio.” Juniors and Seniors only had to take gym class on Tuesdays and Thursdays unless they were a varsity athlete, in which case you didn’t have to take a gym elective at all. Kevin said having gym practically last period was good though, because then you didn’t have to worry about smelling or showering after class. Neil figured this was another Stuart perk. “And you have a study hall last period so you can leave school early if you want. Football doesn’t start until next week so I can drive you home after eighth period if you feel like sticking around but after that you’ll have to take the bus.” 

The bus. Neil forgot about the buses. He didn’t even know what his bus number was. How did bus numbers work? How did he know what bus would take him to his neighborhood? What if he got on the wrong bus? Did he need a bus pass? He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t ready. Why couldn’t Stuart just let him stay homeschooled? Did he need high school? He faintly heard his name being repeated but he couldn’t breath. He couldn’t think. 

“Neil!” He felt Kevin’s hand on his shoulder and when he blinked he realized he was on his knees on Kevin’s carpet, with Kevin kneeled right in front of him, hand on his shoulders, grounding him. Neil locked eyes with Kevin’s emerald green ones. “You are Neil Josten. You are going to school tomorrow. You are going to be okay.”   
  


Neil’s breathing evened out slightly. “I’m going to be okay.” 

Kevin nodded, happy that Neil seemed to be okay now. “You know what you’re wearing tomorrow? I don’t want to deal with Allison if you forget.” 

Allison Reynolds was one of Kevin’s friends. She was a senior and had tagged along on the first time Kevin ever tried to bring Neil to the mall. There were too many people and Neil had a panic attack as soon as they walked in. Allison was very rich, so she ended up pulling some strings and woke up at 8:00am and got Neil and Kevin into the mall before it officially opened. She had keys to every store and they managed to get all their shopping done before the mall opened at 10:00am. When Neil had asked her about paying for the clothes, she had just shrugged and said she’d take care of it later. 

“Yeah. I remember.” Neil fidgeted with his hands for a bit before gasping. “Kevin, I can’t go tomorrow.” 

“What now?” 

“I’ve never kissed anyone. I’m fourteen and I’ve never kissed anyone. They’re all going to know. I’ve seen movies. They always know. Wait, here, you have to kiss me.”

Kevin scoffed. “Neil, I am not kissing you. You are absolutely not going to be the only person tomorrow who has never kissed anyone and I’m not just talking about freshmen. No one’s going to know. Or care.”

Now it was Neil’s turn to scoff. “I’m having lunch with your friends. The same people who bet on literally everything. They’ll smell it on me as soon as they get close enough.” 

“To be fair, if that were true, Allison would have already made a bet about it, and she hasn’t.” 

“But if she made the bet about if I’ve ever kissed  _ you  _ then you wouldn’t know!” 

“You’re just looking for any excuse to not go tomorrow and I’m not buying it. You’re going to be waiting by my car tomorrow morning by 7:15am and we’re going to school.” 

Neil was still fidgety and he felt like he was overheating. Kevin must’ve taken pity on him because he pushed Neil to his feet and made him sit on his bed and threw his laptop at him. “Here, pull up a movie and I’ll show you how to tell the twins apart again. After that you’re going home and going to bed. You have a big day tomorrow.” 

A big day, indeed. 

~ 

“You drove here really fast.” Neil accused. 

“I did the speed limit the entire time.” 

Neil had thought the drive to Palmetto High School was much too quick. He barely had to time come up with an adequate reason to jump out of Kevin’s car and skip this entire day. Kevin pulled into his parking spot and turned off the engine. 

“We’ll wait until Jean and Jeremy get here. But then we’re going in.” 

Neil swallowed and gave a short nod. He had met Jean Moreau and Jeremy Knox before. They were both there that first night at Kevin’s house when they all played video games. Jean was on the football team with Kevin and Kevin’s best friend. They’d known each other since they were in elementary school. Jean was a little dark and broody, but he didn’t ask Neil any personal questions. He seemed to plainly accept Neil into their little group so Neil didn’t have any complaints. Jeremy was a baseball player. Neil hated baseball so he initially was wary of Jeremy. Then he met Jeremy and Jeremy was like the human version of a golden retriever and Neil was even more wary. How was it possible someone had that much energy all the time? Jeremy seemed to tone back his eagerness for life when he was around Neil after their first meeting. Neil assumed Kevin said something to him and he was slightly grateful for it. Neil wasn’t good at small talk or talking in general. It wasn’t like he had a lot of practice. For six years he only spoke to his mother, and on occasion Kevin. 

“Neil.” Kevin interrupted his thoughts. “Stop looking like you’re about to march off to your death. You’re going to be walking into school, as a freshman, with three different juniors by your side. No one’s going to fuck with you, okay? You’re going to be okay.” 

Neil still fiddled with the straps of his backpack. Neil wondered about what kind of person he would’ve been if he had started school when he first got to Palmetto at eight years old. Would he and Kevin have still been friends or would they have drifted apart with age? Everyone Neil knew so far was older than him. Would he have made friends in his own grade? All his “friends” right now were Kevin’s friends. They were only accepting him because Kevin didn’t really give them a choice. 

Neil looked over toward Kevin’s side and saw a car pull up with Jean and Jeremy in the front seat and a girl with chin length white hair with pink pastel tips in the backseat. Neil recognized her as Renee Walker. Kevin had mentioned that she would be one of the people they would sit with at lunch. Kevin gave him a pointed look and he reluctantly got out of the car and put his backpack on. He rounded the front of the car to greet the others. 

“Hi Neil.” Renee walked up to him and offered out her hand. Her nails were painted mint green and she had a small purple ring on her pointer finger. Neil shook her hand to be polite.

“Ready?” Kevin asked. Neil shrugged. No. He was not ready. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be home, in his bed, watching Ted Talks as his education and playing with his cats. 

Kevin ruffled Neil’s hair and then wrapped an arm around his shoulders and started to walk forward, which forced Neil to follow. Neil didn’t exactly like physical touch but it was okay when Kevin did it. He imagined this was the kind of thing an older brother would do to his younger sibling or what ‘the boys’ did when they would hang out. Casual and platonic touch. 

“Where’s your homeroom class, Neil?” Renee asked on his right side. Jean and Jeremy were walking behind them. Neil was completely guarded on each side. He wondered if Kevin had planned for Jean to pick Renee up so they would have an extra person. 

“Room 13. Hernandez.” 

“Oh! He’s very nice. Not that you much in that class besides attendance and listening to announcements, but he’s not very strict about quiet chatter. Matt will be in there with you too, right?” 

Neil nodded. Did Kevin tell his whole friend group about his schedule and how he was freaking out? Yeah, Neil was nervous and stressed but he wasn’t fucking fragile. Yeah, Neil had about seven different panic attacks within the past forty-eight hours but he wasn’t fucking fragile. He shook off his anger when the group arrived at his locker. Jean and Jeremy gave him a nod and headed on their way. Jeremy looked like he wanted to pull Neil into a hug but was smart enough not to. Renee wished him good luck and told him she’d see him at lunch. 

“You good?” Kevin asked. 

“Yes.” 

“Don’t lie to me. What’s up?” 

“Your friends think I’m going to break.” 

“They do not. They’re trying to be helpful.” Kevin knocked a beat into Neil’s open locker. “You want me to walk you to your homeroom?” 

Neil was appreciative that Kevin asked so he didn’t have to. “Yeah.” 

Neil finished putting a few of his books away and got the ones he would need for his first three classes. He didn’t want to make a habit of having to stop in between each class. He wanted to be efficient. Especially on day one. Neil closed his locker and made himself ready to go. As he walked down the halls with Kevin he was faintly aware of the stares he was getting. It made him self conscious but he knew, deep down, they weren’t looking  _ at  _ him. They were looking at Kevin and who was with Kevin. They didn’t care about Neil Josten. They cared about the nameless, small, redhead with Kevin Day; the quarterback. 

When they arrived at room 13, Kevin brushed Neil’s hair again. “I’ll be at your locker before lunch. And then I’ll see you again for French. Are you going to leave after seventh or wait for a ride home after eighth?” 

“I don’t know.” Neil was starting to get restless. He wanted to run. He didn’t want to be here. 

“Alright, well let me know. Keep your damn phone on.” With that Kevin Day parted the red sea that was a high school hallway and seemed to make it to the other end in less time than their entire conversation. 

Neil took a deep breath in. He stepped forward on his breath out. He walked into the class and was immediately greeted by the sight of Matt. 

Matthew Boyd was also on the football team with Kevin. He came to video game night too. He had hung out with Matt (with Kevin also there, obviously) several other times during the summer but he didn’t exactly classify him as a friend. Matt didn’t get that memo. Matt acted like they were long lost friends who were always just getting back together after years of not seeing each other. 

“Neil! Come on, I saved you a seat.” Matt motioned toward the small desk in front of the one he was sitting at. Or sitting on. Matt was sitting on the table of the desk with his feet perfectly perched on the ground. The perks of being tall. He was in conversation with a girl recognized as Danielle Wilds. Kevin didn’t mention Dan being in this class. “This is Dan!” 

Neil smiled at her. Neil knew she was dating Matt and he didn’t want to come across as rude. Neil may not have thought of Matt as his friend, but Matt clearly thought of him as his friend and he was determined to respect that for now. Matt or Dan hadn’t done anything wrong. “I didn’t know you were in this homeroom.” 

“Oh, I’m not. Senior’s don’t have a homeroom, but it’s the first day of school for my senior year. I was feeling sentimental and came in with the rest of the crowd.” Dan explained. 

Neil couldn’t relate. He’d never have the chance to be sentimental. There had been nothing in his life that he cared enough about to miss. Besides his mother, of course. But while he missed her, he also held a bit of resentment toward her. It was hard to work out the feelings sometimes. 

Before the conversation could continue, the bell rang. Neil looked away and took his seat as Matt leaned in to kiss Dan before she left the classroom. Homeroom began as Mr. Hernandez took attendance. He let everyone chat after he was done before the morning announcements came on. Homeroom was supposed to be 7:45am to 7:55am and then everyone had five minutes to get to their first period. Neil wasn’t worried. He had mapped out his route when he and Kevin visited the school during the summer. 

The big screen at the front of the classroom blinked away from Palmetto’s fox logo to reveal the school’s principal Charles Whittier. “Good Morning Foxes! Welcome back to school! I hope you all had a lovely summer break. I know you all don’t want to listen to me, so I’m going to turn it over to Palmetto Morning News Anchors, Jeremy Knox and Allison Reynolds!” 

“Good Morning Foxes!” Jeremy was loud and bubbly and everything Neil did not want before noon, and especially before 8:00am. “Hope you are all having the best first day back!” 

Matt leaned up and whispered to Neil. “The day hasn’t even started.” 

Neil suppressed a laugh and continued to watch. 

“I want to give a very warm welcome to all the new freshmen, wish you luck on your first day of high school, and remind you that if you’re interested in running for class president the applications will be out next week! If you have any questions about the position feel free to reach out to sophomore class president Nicky Hemmick, junior class president Laila Dermott, or senior class president, our very own news anchor Allison Reynolds!” 

Allison takes that as her cue to chime in. “Yes, please, baby freshmen. If you have any questions do not hesitate to stop me in the halls. In other news, the Welcome Back Block Party will take place this Friday night after school out on the football field and in all the campus parking lots. There will be food trucks, amusement rides, and more! Looking forward to the future don’t forget to look out in your emails for a save the date for our big Homecoming football game!” 

“That’s all we have for news today! Enjoy your first day! I’m Jeremy Knox!” 

“And I’m Allison Reynolds! Go Foxes!” 

The screen switched back to the school fox logo. 

Matt nudged up again. “Can you believe how lucky we all are that we get to start our mornings with Mr. Sunshine and Barbie?” 

This time Neil did laugh. 

~ 

Neil’s morning after his homeroom was uneventful. His US History class and English class were just for freshmen and the teacher’s assigned their seats alphabetically. They did basic introductions and explained how the class was going to be structured for the rest of the year. 

Neil had Mr. Hernandez again for Algebra 2. He let them sit wherever they wanted so Neil snagged the seat in the row closest to the door, but all the way in the back. He didn’t like having people behind him. In his other two classes he was oddly in the middle because of ‘Josten’. Neil almost wished he was still ‘Wesninski’ just so he’d be guaranteed to be in the back. Almost. 

Mr. Hernandez did start teaching right away but Neil was okay with it. He was good at math. It was the one subject he was able to pick up quickly while being homeschooled because it was the same everywhere he looked. Every equation had a right answer. 

By the time class was over Neil was exhausted. And now he had to socialize with Kevin’s friends and then get through three more classes. The American education system was a joke. How did anyone expect students to be able to get through this five times a week? And then when homework started to get heavier he’d have to account for that. And Kevin was adamant on Neil joining at least one club or sport. How did anyone have the time for this shit? 

Neil was still going on a mental rant about the lack of care for student’s well being when someone knocked his locker in. He jumped and reactively reached to his side where he expected there to be a knife. There wasn’t. Even homeschooled, Mary had made sure Neil was always armed with something.

Kevin’s eyes followed his hand to where it was gripping the top of his jeans. He raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. “Ready?” 

“Yeah.” It wasn’t like Neil had a choice. 

Kevin led him to the cafeteria. They waited on one of the many food lines; Kevin got some sort of wrap and Neil just got a small basket of french fries. He wasn’t really hungry, but he didn’t want Kevin to be worried and make a big deal. He played it off as though he had a large breakfast. Kevin saw right through his lie but opted out of commenting. 

The lunch table that Kevin dragged Neil to was not just one lunch table. It was actually three lunch tables, seemingly manually moved to create a triangle like shape. The three tables were separate yet close enough together that you could tell that it was one group. Kevin Day’s group. And Neil had somehow snuck his way in. 

Already sitting, Neil recognized Matt, Dan, Renee, Seth Gordon and Thea Muldani at one table. Seth was on the football team and Neil had met him once before at the video game night. Thea was Kevin’s long time crush that he refused to do anything about. There were six seats at each table, and that table had one seat empty, which Neil assumed was probably for Allison. 

At the next table was Jeremy, Jean, and Laila Dermott. Laila was in the same grade as Kevin and Neil recognized her name from the morning announcements. Kevin ushered Neil into the seat to Jean and Kevin sat on his other side. Jeremy and Laila smiled at him before continuing their conversation. Jean and Kevin quickly began speaking to each other in quick French but Neil could only pick up a few words. There was one seat left at this table, and Neil wondered who it could be for.

The third table was still all empty. 

Matt was sitting close enough that he could turn in his seat and insert himself into another table's conversation if he wanted to. So he did. He started asking Neil about his day so far and Neil gave half hearted answers. Matt was nice. Neil was really trying to be more personable. But he was already surrounded by nine other people and that was nine times more than what he was used to. It was a lot. 

He was saved by a whistle blowing and a bunch of girls in orange cheerleading outfits ran through the cafeteria. Everyone seemed very into it while they did a very quick welcome back cheer. It involved waving pom-poms, yelling, and splits. Jeremy, Laila, Matt and Dan all whooped while the others looked interested enough to not be blatantly ignoring them, but didn’t go out of their way to have the most school spirit. 

When the cheer was done, three girls with high pony-tails walked over to claim seats at the empty table. Sara Alvarez, Katelyn Kane, and Marissa Pratt. Neil recognized them from the photos Kevin showed him before. 

“Well, well, well if it isn’t Palmetto’s three best cheerleaders!” Matt laughed out. 

Sara fell into a chair and dramatically put her face on the table. “I have to do that all again next period. And the next period. And the next!” 

“You did great, babe!” Laila supplied. Sara raised a weak thumbs up at her. 

Katelyn and Marissa were quieter sitting down. Katelyn turned over to Neil. “Hi. You must be Neil. I’m Katelyn, this is Marissa, and the dying orange is Sara.” 

“Not dying.” Sara inserted. “Recovering.” 

Neil politely shook Katelyn and Marissa’s hands and then complimented them on their performance. 

Katelyn shrugged, modestly. “They make us do that during all the lunch periods on important days. First day of school, Homecoming, last day before winter break, that kind of thing, you know?” 

Neil didn’t know. But he just smiled and let the conversation get dominated by the others. 

He jumped at the sound of a bag hitting the table with the cheerleaders. “Oh my god. We missed it didn’t we? Aaron I told you we were going to miss it but no, you just had to talk to that teacher. Who talks to a teacher on the first day of school? And look what you did. You missed your girlfriend’s first day performance.” 

Nicky Hemmick. Sophomore class president. He was tailed by his junior boyfriend Erik Klose and his cousins. The twins. Aaron and Andrew Minyard. 

Erik and Aaron sat at the cheerleader table while Andrew walked around and sat unceremoniously at the table Neil was at. Filling the last seat. He had a bowl of ice cream with him and that appeared to be the only thing he was planning on eating for lunch. 

Aaron gave Katelyn a peck on the cheek before speaking. “Nicky. Shut up. Your loudness is scaring the new kid.” 

Seth snorted from his table and then all eyes were on Neil. 

“Neil!” Nicky exclaimed. “I’m Nicky. This German God is my boyfriend Erik. That turd is Aaron and the goth turd eating his own weight in chocolate is Andrew.” 

Neil refrained from making any indication that he already knew all of this and smiled back at Nicky like this was the first time he was hearing their names or seeing their faces. 

“Sophomore class president. They said so this morning.” Neil figured Nicky was the kind of person who could talk forever and he’d rather the conversation stay on anything but personal questions about himself. 

Neil was right, in that Nicky immediately went on a rant about everything he was going to try and get done for the sophomore class. Neil figured out that besides Nicky, Aaron, Andrew, Katelyn, and Marissa were also sophomores. Kevin, Matt, Jean, Jeremy, Laila, Sara and Erik were juniors. Dan, Allison, Renee, Seth and Thea were seniors. The tables were sort of separated by grade when Neil thought about it. He was the only freshman. 

Once Nicky had started rambling about some tv show, people started to move. Renee had walked over to talk to Andrew. Thea and Seth started their own conversation. Sara was crouched down in between Laila and Jeremy, complaining about how out of shape she is. Aaron and Katelyn were in their own world while Marissa let Nicky talk her ear off while Erik watched adoringly. Jean and Kevin were still talking in French. Matt and Dan were trying to engage Neil in a conversation and he was having a hard time keeping up with all the noise around him. 

He was saved by another dramatic entrance of Allison walking up and slamming her designer bag on the table, making Seth jump a foot out of his seat. 

“That stupid shit fucker of a dick, Jack Hodge, is making me lose my mind.” The name wasn’t familiar to Neil. “He’s pulling this shit about how he’s not going to let me turn all the senior class activities into some Barbie dream house shit so he’s planning on coming to all the planning committee meetings just so he can fight me on everything.” 

“Is representation from his group of people so bad?” Renee asks innocently. 

Allison scoffs. “Douchey football players? I have that demographic covered with Seth. No, his specific representation is asshole trouble makers who are still pissed I wouldn’t sleep with him at After Prom last year, so he’s going to do whatever he can to make my life hell.” 

Seth looked like he wanted to argue against being called a douchey football player but Laila and Nicky were quicker in offering her what Neil thought was some class president scripted nonsense. It was all about trying to play devil’s advocate and embracing the haters. Neil looked down at his fries and rolled his eyes. When he looked up he made direct eye contact with Andrew, who was smirking at Neil’s reactions to Nicky and Laila. 

Andrew pulled a tiny pocket knife out of his denim jacket pocket. “Hey, Allison, you want me to kill him?” He waved the knife a little. 

“Finally. Someone offers a useful solution.” Allison remarks back. 

Renee ushers Andrew to put the knife away before a teacher sees. The conversations switch around after that. Andrew sits himself on the table to finish his ice cream, ignoring everyone else as Renee moves back to her own seat to finish her lunch. 

The bell rings and Neil is not ready to have to sit through another three classes. And then figure out what to do for a whole period before Kevin is done. He knows he could just figure out the bus schedule. He knows he’s going to have to at some point. Just...not yet. He’s not ready yet. 

“What class do you have next, Neil?” Katelyn asks. 

“Biology.” Neil answers. “With Mrs. Clark.” 

“Oh!” Katelyn says. “I usually have a study hall next, so I had asked Mrs. Clark if I could help out in her class during that time. They usually don’t let sophomores assist, but I did really well in that class last year. I’ll walk with you.” 

“Don’t you have to cheer?” 

Katelyn shrugs. “Yeah, but they can’t start without me so it’s fine.” She kisses Aaron and then motions for Neil to follow her as everyone else disperses. 

Biology is boring. Alphabetical seats. 

French is better. Not alphabetical so he sits in the last seat closest to the door with Kevin in front of him and Jean next to him. He’s surprised to find that he actually knows more than he thought. 

Neil’s last class of the day is gym. He’s grateful that he has it last because he definitely does not want to use the school showers and that would not vibe well if he had the class earlier. You’re allowed to go anywhere on campus during study halls so Neil figures he’ll get a pass to go to the track and run until Kevin is done. 

Coach Rheman says that because it’s the first day, all they’re going to be doing is choosing their gym lockers, getting their orange gym uniforms, and then they can hang out the rest of class but they have to stay in the gym. Neil waits for everyone in his class to choose a locker and he picks one far away from them so he doesn’t have to worry when changing for class about people looking. 

When he’s done he sits on the first bleacher and watches a bunch of students fight over a basketball. He takes out his own notebook and starts to doodle. He’s surprised but he’s sort of looking forward to his Art Studio elective tomorrow. Every other day instead of gym students either take an art elective or a music elective. Neil opted for art because music was just too loud sometimes. 

Neil wouldn’t consider himself an artist. But he was not bad at drawing. He was in the middle of drawing a fox when he felt a shadow. He looked up to see a small girl (the only other person besides the Minyard’s that Neil noticed he was taller than) smiling shyly at him.

“Do you mind if I sit here? I don’t feel like warring over a basketball right now, and this class is going to drag if I sit by myself.” 

_ Fuck. _ Neil thought. This girl wanted someone to talk and Neil just wasn’t...there yet. He tried to think of how Kevin would be proud of him for making a friend. A friend that wasn’t also friends with Kevin. 

Neil moved his bag and gestured for her to sit. “I’m Neil.” 

“Robin. Robin Cross. Do you draw a lot?” 

“A little. It’s not much.” 

“I think it’s great! Will you be in the art studio class tomorrow?” Neil nods his head. “Me too! I don’t have a musical bone in my body so I didn’t really have a choice. Do you want to sit together?” 

Making plans for a future engagement? Maybe Neil didn’t need Kevin after all. “Yeah, sure. That’d be great.” 

Robin smiled and began talking about a few of her other classes. Neil made comments where he could. They both laughed about Allison’s universal nickname in school being “Barbie” and Jeremy’s “Mr. Sunshine”. 

Neil explained how they were sort of his friends and he sat with them at lunch. Robin expressed jealousy on how he already had a group to sit with at lunch. She and her friends from middle school ended up at a shitty back table near the trash cans, but at least they were together. 

Neil didn’t say this out loud but he was jealous that she already had a group that was so close of friends that it didn’t matter if they were eating lunch in a dumpster, as long as it was the same dumpster. Robin has her study hall when Neil has lunch, so Robin joked that maybe she’ll sneak into the cafeteria so she could sit with Neil to see how being cool feels. Neil had just laughed. He was the furthest thing from cool. He was a homeschooled nothing who ‘s next door neighbor had to babysit him to make sure he didn’t have a panic attack. Though he seemed to be doing okay right now. 

Neil and Robin made a deal that whoever got to class first tomorrow would try and get a table in the back and save the seat for the other. After the bell rang, Robin headed to her foreign language class, she was taking Spanish, and Neil walked with her until he had to take a different turn to get to the main office to get a pass to go to the track for his study hall. 

After running his first mile, he remembered to quickly text Kevin that he needed a ride home and sat on the grass to drink some water. He looked out toward the school, with it’s ridiculous fox logos everywhere and it’s parking spots made of orange spray paint. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Yes, he was exhausted but his body would adjust. He thought about what he would’ve been doing if he were still homeschooled. Probably in bed, petting either of his cats, Sir and King, and watching some bad show on Netflix. Being out was better, Neil thought. 

He waited for Kevin to text him back, confirming the ride, before taking one last gulp of water before running again. As he stood up he noticed some smoke by a hidden corner of the building. He squinted his eyes only to meet with hazel eyes staring right back at him as if they’d been waiting to be noticed. 

Andrew Minyard stood leaned up against the wall with a cigarette in his hand. He threw it to the ground and stomped it out all while staring directly at Neil without breaking eye contact before turning to go back inside. 

Neil wondered briefly if everyone had seen the smoke or it was just for him. Neil shook the thought, and then after a few leg stretches, began to run again. 


	2. Welcome Back Block Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil goes to his very first school event and solidifies a friendship. 
> 
> *tw for panic attack*

The second and third days of school passed by without any problems. Neil thought he was sort of getting the hang of this school thing. Kevin drove him to school, he laughed at the little remarks Matt would make in homeroom during announcements, he had lunch, got through classes, and then spent the last period running on the school's track. While he ran, he was always vaguely aware of the same figure that was there on the first day, smoking behind the school. Neil contemplated if he should say something to Andrew, but by the time he worked up his nerve to walk over, Andrew was always gone. 

Robin was always willing to make conversation with Neil during gym and art studio. Neil could tell that Robin was a shy person herself, and that it probably had taken a lot for her to approach Neil first. He tried to be equally as talkative with her because of that. Talking with Robin was good practice for him. It helped him feel more confident and talk to people besides Kevin and Jean during lunch. 

“Are you going to the block party tomorrow?” Robin asked during their Thursday studio class. Neil had been busy shading one of his drawings so he was confused by the question. 

“What block party?” 

“The Welcome Back Block Party? It’s apparently a really big deal. Me and my friends were going to go. We could hang out if you wanted. If you were planning on going.” 

Neil did not want to go. The whole school would be there, it would be too crowded for him. Tomorrow after gym he was going to try and learn the bus schedule. He had plans. 

“I’m not sure if I’m going to go yet.” A lie, but Neil felt bad about flat out rejecting her. Robin had been nothing but nice to him. 

“Okay. Well if you end up going, you can text me so we can find each other.” Robin had given Neil her phone number the second day of class. Kevin’s friends also filled his phone with their numbers but he’s yet to send a single text message to anyone. 

Neil didn’t have to hear about the Welcome Back Block Party again until he was at lunch on Friday. He was picking at his fruit salad when Allison spoke to him. 

“Neil, I’ll give you a ride home today so we can figure out your outfit for tonight.” 

“Tonight?” 

“Block Party.” Matt supplied. 

“Oh...uh...I don’t think I’m going. To the block party?” Neil said. 

“That’s ridiculous.” Allison said. “You’re going. We’re all going. It’s a right of passage, everyone has to attend the block party.” 

“Block parties aren’t really my thing.” Neil responds. 

“Oh come on!” Nicky inserts himself in the conversation. “There’s amusement rides, tons of food trucks, carnival games, and the cheerleaders do a little performance on the field!” 

“There’s cotton candy and fried oreos, too,” Dan says. 

“I don’t really like sweets,” Neil says. 

All three tables start listing off various different activities that will be there to try and convince Neil to come. He sees the hopeful glint in Kevin’s eye of Neil going out of his comfort zone. Katelyn, Marissa and Sara talk about how they never do the same performance at block parties so if he doesn’t come he’ll never know what the routine is. Neil thinks he can live without that but he stays quiet. 

There’s too many voices speaking at him and he’s about to run off when the twins come into view. Aaron drops down next to Katelyn and Andrew plops his ice cream on the table loudly enough that everyone stops talking. 

“What’s today’s drama about?” Andrew asks. 

“Neil doesn’t want to go to the block party.” Renee says. She gives Andrew a look that Neil doesn’t understand but Andrew seems to. 

Andrew shrugs while dipping his spoon into the chocolate. “He can barely handle an hour of lunch. A block party seems like a lot.” 

It was patronizing. Demeaning, even. Neil knew that was the point though. Andrew was calling him out on his inability to socialize as a way for Neil to see it as a challenge. And normally, that wouldn’t have worked. Neil should’ve taken the out and went about his lunch. But there was something about Andrew that made him want to fight. He knew he was being baited. He didn’t care. 

“Fine. I’ll go.” 

Allison nodded and told him she got out of class after seventh so they could go right away. Neil was sort of sad he wouldn’t be able to run today. He was curious to see if Andrew would be in his usual spot. 

~

Neil ended up in a pair of blue jeans, orange vans and a plain white long sleeve shirt. Neil didn’t understand how this outfit was different than what he was wearing to school but Allison was adamant on the fact that he now looked much better. She helped him style his hair and Neil was surprised at how much he enjoyed the feeling of her hands running through it. Casual and platonic touch. 

Allison filled him in on all the group’s drama as they drove back to school for the party. She was currently on the outs with Seth but was planning on getting back together with him before Homecoming. Thea was also very much into Kevin but she was waiting for Kevin to make some kind of move. Laila and Sara were definitely into each other, but Allison could tell that one of them was holding back. There was a current bet on who would initiate something more than friends first, which Allison asked if Neil wanted to participate in, but Neil declined. He wasn’t very good at reading situations like that. 

Allison parked and in front of him, Neil saw an extremely dense crowd of people. There were crowds waiting in lines for rides, for food, for games. Neil felt his heart rate begin to pick up. Allison seemed oblivious to his panic or she was instructed by Kevin to ignore it. She linked arms with him and headed straight toward the crowd. 

They ended up meeting the rest of the group by a food truck that seemed to specialize in deep frying everything imaginable. Neil watched as Andrew shoved an entire deep fried oreo into his mouth and then tried to steal another one from his brother's plate. 

“Okay so what are we going to do first? They have free t-shirts in the south parking lot, and a human claw machine in the west parking lot.” Nicky said. 

“What the hell is a human claw machine?” Aaron asked. 

Nicky explained as he took another bite of his fried dough. “They attach you to a harness, and then pull you up by some rope over an inflatable pit full of prizes. You get lowered closer to be able to reach the prizes and you get to keep whatever you can hold in your arms.” 

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.” Seth yelled. Neil was inclined to agree. 

“What? No! It’s fun! It sounds fun!” Jeremy then continued to babble on about other fun activities the carnival had. 

Neil was kind of lost in the conversation when he heard his name being called from behind him. He turned to see Robin waving at him. She was with four other girls but she was the smallest one in the group. Neil was very aware of everyone else in his own group staring at him but Robin wasn’t phased and walked right up to him. 

“You ended up coming! Look at what I won!” Robin showed him a tiny stuffed fox. “There was some ring toss game back that way. What have you done so far?” 

“Um...we’ve just been eating.” Neil had not touched any food since he got here but Robin didn’t need to know that. 

“Oh yeah, there’s so much food here. I think I ate my weight in french fries already so we’re all walking it off now.” Robin gestured back to her friend group who were all waiting for her to come back. Neil wasn’t sure what to say now and the stares from everyone else were getting to be too much. Thankfully Robin took the clue. “Well, I’m glad you ended up coming. I’ll see you on Monday!” 

“Yeah, see you.” 

Robin was not a foot out of ear shot before the voices started up. 

Nicky: “Oh my god. Neil! You have a girl!” 

Allison: “Is that why you were weird about coming? Didn’t want to hang out with her?” 

Seth: “I think this settles a bet.” 

Allison: “No, no nothing’s confirmed. Neil? Is that your girlfriend? Are you into her?” 

Renee: “I think it’s nice Neil has a friend.” 

Nicky: “She ran over to him. Just friends don’t do that.” 

Aaron: “Nicky you literally run over to everyone you know.” 

Nicky: “I’m my own breed.” 

The chatter stopped when Andrew popped a balloon that Nicky was holding. “Oops.” 

Nicky frowned but it gave Neil the opportunity to insert his own commentary. “That was Robin. She’s in my gym class. We’re friends.” 

“Do you want to catch up with her?” Renee asked him. 

Neil shook his head. “No. I’m alright here.” 

After that the group moved on. Katelyn, Sara and Marissa had to go to the football field for their cheer so everyone went that way. Neil didn’t really know what was happening. People were standing on each other’s shoulders, there was clapping, more yelling and spelling, a few cartwheels, and even more splits. It was like what happened in the lunch room but on steroids. Everyone applauded when it was over, Neil included. 

When the crowd dispersed, someone bumped into Neil. He wasn’t a rough bump but because Neil wasn’t expecting it he ended up on the ground. All he saw in front of him were legs and people moving. Everyone was moving but him, he couldn’t get up. He could feel his heart beating rapidly and was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe. There were too many legs. Too many people and he was with people he didn’t really know. Would they recognize his panic attack or would they just look at him like he was crazy? He faintly felt a light touch on his shoulders. Kevin. 

“Neil? You’re okay. Someone bumped into you, but you’re okay. You just have to get up.” 

Neil couldn’t though. His brain wasn’t cooperating and sending the message down to his limbs. 

“Neil, I can’t do this for you. You have to get up.” That seemed ridiculous to Neil. Kevin was taller and bigger than him. He could easily pull Neil up. Why couldn’t he see that Neil was literally incapable of getting up right now. His legs wouldn’t move. 

Neil flinched when he felt another hand on him. “You fell on some grass. Your legs are not broken.” 

Andrew had one of his hands on the back of his neck and Kevin was giving him a complicated expression. Neil pushed himself back into Andrew’s hand. It was more grounding than Kevin’s touch on his shoulders but Neil couldn’t place why. Neil pushed himself up and stood. Everyone was looking at him but Andrew eased the tension by this time popping a balloon Renee was holding. 

“I need some air. Neil, you wanna come?” Jean asked. 

“We’re outside.” 

“Air that doesn’t smell like grease and sweat.” 

Neil followed Jean around the football field to the guest team bleachers. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up. “Want one?” 

“No. I don’t really smoke. I like the smell though.” 

“It’s a bad habit to have. I started at thirteen though, so I’ve accepted it’ll probably be a habit I have forever.” 

Neil thought of his mother. He wondered when she had started smoking. If it was a stupid habit she picked up as a teenager or if she needed a way to cope with what her adult life had become. 

“I’m not a fan of these events either. Not a fan of school spirit, in general really. But I’m a football player so I’m expected to participate.” 

Neil didn’t really know what to say. 

“I hate calling it football. Football is a game you play with a black and white ball with your feet. I’ve been here too long.” 

“You’re not from here? I mean I know you’re French, but I just thought you were born here and the accent came from your parents.” 

Jean shook his head and took a drag. “My parents gave me up when I was six. They were involved with some pretty bad people who ended up taking me to America. Those bad people had a mole amongst them though and their whole operation was shut down before I was even there a week. I don’t remember much. But after that I ended up being adopted by this nice couple. They wanted me to always remember my roots so they taught themselves French and even brought me back to visit France a few times.” 

Neil wondered what his life might’ve been like if his father’s whole operation was shut down when he was six years old. 

“I am well aware that my story could be ten times worse. I mean, I can’t even imagine what my life would’ve been if that operation wasn’t shut down. If my parents never got involved with the wrong people. If I ended up in some bad foster home or got adopted by awful people. There’s a million what if’s. 

Jean took another drag. “I imagine you have your own set of what if’s you think about a lot. I don’t have nearly the same experience as you but I’ve come pretty close. The others won’t always  _ get it  _ right away. The need to be away from people. Away from so many crowds. So you know, if you need someone who gets it a little more, I know Nicky or Allison put everyone’s number in your phone. You have mine. Use it. Kevin isn’t the only one who can be there for you.” 

Neil was at loss at what to say. Jean was the first person to reach out to Neil in a way that didn’t make him feel like they were only doing it because Kevin asked. Jean was reaching out specifically so Neil  _ didn’t  _ only have Kevin to fall back on. 

“Thank you.” Neil finally said. 

They sat in silence while Jean finished his cigarette. Neil wondered if Jean and Andrew were the only smokers of the group and if they ever shared each other's company while smoking. 

“Can I ask you something?” Neil asked. When Jean nodded, Neil continued. “If you hate these events so much why do you come? I mean if it was just because of the football you could always make an appearance and then leave. But you’re still here.” 

Jean laughed and then stood up. Neil followed and assumed he wasn’t going to get an answer but then Jean spoke. “Because I am in love with Mr. Sunshine himself. These things make him happy, and I’ll spend extra time wherever, as long as it means I can see him smile.” 

It was too sincere for Neil. He’s never had that feeling of wanting to be somewhere just for the benefit and happiness of another person. He only came tonight because he wanted to prove Andrew wrong. That wasn’t the same thing. 

Neil thought about Jean and Jeremy together. He tried to pick back in his memory if he remembered them acting closer than just friends when he was around. Neil thought they couldn’t be more different. Jeremy was light and loud where Jean was sullen and quiet. Star baseball player and star football player. One found peace being surrounded by others, one found peace being alone. 

Neil didn’t know much about love but when he and Jean got back to the group he paid more attention to the two. He noticed how Jeremy lit up when Jean came back into view. How Jeremy laughed when Jean stole a sip of his slushie. How they were always within a few inches of each other. How Jean seemed less tense and more relaxed when Jeremy spoke very animatedly to him. 

Neil moved on to observe the other couples of the group. Aaron looked at Katelyn like she was the only person to exist. Matt and Dan were holding hands while speaking to each other. Nicky was doing whatever it is Nicky does but he had Erik’s complete attention as usual. After Allison’s comments he did notice Laila and Sara dancing around each other. They kept enough distance that it didn’t seem like more than friendship, but Neil was positive they were not aware of anything else but each other. Allison and Seth were not together currently but every now and then Seth would look over to where Allison was standing. Seth looked away every time Allison looked back. Kevin was letting Thea criticize his technique at balloon darts and acting like he was annoyed by it, but Neil was sure Kevin was fucking up on purpose just so she’d keep talking to him. 

Neil was surrounded by this large group of people who were all full of love and accepted him without any hesitation. He spent years with no one else but his mother in his house. Always just the two of them. But in this specific moment, with the smell of cotton candy clogging his senses, he never felt more alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the most work ive ever put into a fic so i really hope you like it! its a softer version of andrew and neil so their characters may seem a bit OOC sometimes :P anyway! i hope you like this story!


	3. Neil's First Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil goes to his first high school party and makes future plans to share some of his truth with Andrew.

A week after the block party Neil was sitting at his kitchen table working on a history assignment when Stuart knocked on the doorframe. “You have a visitor.” 

He and Stuart didn’t speak much. Stuart was always doing some business or other and honestly as long as Neil didn’t have to change his whole identity he didn’t really care if his relationship with Stuart was almost non existent. 

Neil closed his textbook, as Kevin walked in and took a seat across from him. “You do have a phone right?” 

“Yeah.”

“Funny, since I texted you five times and called you and didn’t get a response to anything.” 

Neil didn’t even know where his phone was. “What do you want?” 

Kevin picked up some of Neil’s homework and rifled through it. “These sources are shit.” 

“I repeat, what do you want?” Neil grabbed his homework back.

“Party at my house tonight. You’re coming.” 

“Um. No. I’m not.” 

“Um. Yes. You are. Come on. It’s Saturday night and right next door. I’ll even let you run away after an hour.”

Neil piled all his work together and started walking up to his room. Kevin followed him. Neil placed his work on his desk and Kevin flopped onto his bed. “I’m not leaving until you agree.” 

“What ever happened to no means no?” 

Kevin sat up. “Is it really a no? If you really do not want to go then I’ll drop it. But if you’re just saying no because you’re scared of social interaction then I’m saying until I convince you.” 

Neil sat at the edge of his bed near Kevins feet. He started to untie Kevin’s shoelaces while he spoke. “I don’t know how to be around your friends. Some of them are okay, but some of them just want to know more about me. They have questions that I don’t want to answer.” 

Kevin slapped his hand away from his shoes. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll keep the nosy ones away from you. After an hour you can leave if you want.” 

Neil thought it over. If he didn’t go he would still hear the music and the talking next door, and that would make him feel sort of left out even if he didn’t want to go. He would know a good portion of people there and like Kevin said, if he wanted to go home then he could. Andrew might be there too. Neil hadn’t really spoken to him since he helped him out of a panic attack at the block party. Not that Neil really had anything to say to him. Neil didn’t think Andrew wanted to be thanked but it was an excuse to talk to him. 

“Can I invite Robin?” 

“Fine. But she can’t bring any friends. Party has a two freshmen limit.” 

Neil rolled his eyes. “Are you leaving now or are you going to pick out my outfit?” 

“I thought you’d never ask.” Kevin took it upon himself to turnover all of Neil’s drawers and fuck his closet up. Neil didn’t really understand why one person needed so many clothes but Allison says that a person always needs options. 

Once Neil’s outfit was chosen Kevin left to go on a liquor run. Allison and Seth both had fake IDs but Kevin didn’t trust them to get enough vodka. Neil sat on his bed and found his phone under his pillow. He pulled it out and sent a text to Robin. 

_ > Hey. My friend Kevin is having a party tonight. Do you want to come?  _

**_Robin:_ ** _ Kevin Day??? Like the quarterback?  _

_ > That would be the one.  _

**_Robin:_ ** _ Um yes! Should I bring anything?  _

_ > No, unless you want your own alcohol. You could come over my house first and we could walk over together?  _

**_Robin:_ ** _ Yeah! Sounds good. I’ll see you then!  _

Neil sent his address as his final text and then decided if he was going to be expected to socialize all night it was only fair that he took a nap the rest of the afternoon. 

~ 

“Look at this! What do you think is even in this?” Robin held out her red solo cup to Neil. There was a giant bowl in the middle of the kitchen that had a red tint to it. Everyone at the party was filling their cups to the top with the mystery liquid, and Robin was adamant on having a real party experience and committed to having at least one cup.

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin to guess.” Neil had his own red solo cup but it was only filled with water. 

“Hmm. I’m still going to drink it.” Robin lifted the cup to her mouth. “Ugh. Ew. This is disgusting. I’m going to get more.” 

She left Neil in the corner of Kevin’s living room. Neil watched a game of beer pong until he was found by Nicky and Erik. 

“Neil! You’re here! And you brought your girlfriend!” 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Neil chewed on the rim of his cup. 

“She’s your friend who’s a girl. What are you drinking?” Nicky grabbed his cup and took a sip. “Water? Just water? Come on Neil, live a little!” 

“I’m good.” Thankfully Robin chose this moment to come back. 

“Hi! I’m Robin.” 

Nicky turned all his attention to her. “Oh my god. That’s the cutest name ever. You got some jungle juice?” 

“Is that what this is?” 

Nicky laughed. “That’s what it’s called. It’s like vodka, tequila, rum, cranberry juice, sprite, and a few other things I can’t remember.” 

“It’s so gross.” Erik added. 

“It is! I thought it was just me!” Robin yelled over the music. 

“Why don’t you two come outside with us! It’s quieter!” 

Neil and Robin followed Nicky and Erik to Kevin’s backyard. There were less people out here and the music wasn’t as loud. They found Katelyn and Marissa sitting by the firepit. 

“My favorite cheerleaders!” Nicky exclaimed as he sat down and gave Katelyn a side hug. 

“Don’t let Sara hear you say that.” She laughed. 

“This is Neil’s friend Robin. She’s a baby freshmen too.” 

Katelyn and Marissa immediately took to talking to Robin like they’ve known her her whole life. Neil didn’t understand how conversation was so easy for some people. Neil thought Nicky could be kind of annoying most of the time, but he envied how easily Nicky seemed to make conversation. He never seemed like he was afraid to voice what was on his mind. 

Neil was at a loss of what to do. He wasn’t really interested in whatever the conversation was closest to him, and he didn’t have his cup anymore. He didn’t know where Kevin was, and speaking of Kevin, Kevin totally went back on his deal. He was supposed to keep the nosy ones away from Neil yet here he was sitting right next to Nicky. He was tied in Neil’s mind for the most nosy one of all with Allison.

Lucky he was saved by Matt and Dan joining the firepit circle. 

“Neil!” Matt gave him a pat on the shoulder that he was surprisingly okay with. “How long have you been here?” 

Neil shrugged. “Half hour maybe.” 

“Dan and I just got absolutely destroyed in a game of flip cup. Have you ever played?” Neil shook his head. “Basically you have to take a shot and then try and flip the cup so it lands upside down. It was me, Dan, Jeremy, and Laila against Kevin, Seth, Andrew and Aaron. Should’ve known better than with Kevin on the team. Minyards are beasts though, who knew such small people could hold so much alcohol?” 

Neil was not unaware that Kevin could hold his alcohol. He was surprised he would indulge in drinking games to get his fix but Neil assumed it was another normal high school thing he wasn’t aware of. He was slightly surprised to hear that Andrew indulged. At lunch he seemed content to ignore everyone, so to hear that he was an active participant in a game that required teamwork and won made Neil think that maybe there was more to Andrew than he thought. 

Speaking of Andrew, Neil spotted a short head of blonde hair making his way toward the trampoline in Kevin’s backyard. 

Neil leaned over to Robin. “Will you be okay if I go somewhere else for a minute?” 

“Of course! I think I just agreed to try out for cheerleading.” 

Neil stood up and excused himself from the group and made his way over to the trampoline. It was pretty large and surrounded by a net to make sure no one could fall off. Though, Neil remembered before he and Kevin hung out on a more regular basis watching from his window as Kevin and his friends seemed to make it a challenge amongst themselves as to how high they could bounce each other. 

Andrew was lying in the center of the trampoline with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of straight whisky in his other. “You lost?” 

“No. Can I come up?” 

Andrew made a vague motion with his hand to indicate that Neil could. Neil tried not to make a lot of movement as he got on but that was pretty hard to do on a trampoline. Andrew’s body bounced slightly as Neil took a seat. Neil watched as the ash from Andrew’s cigarette landed on the stretchy surface of the trampoline. It didn’t seem to burn it so Neil wasn’t concerned. 

“How did you and Kevin become friends?” Neil asked. 

“That’s what you’re going to ask me?” Andrew seemed bored. 

“Isn’t that normal polite conversation?” 

Andrew sat up and crossed his ankles. He had one hand on the trampoline to keep himself up but was careful to make sure his cigarette wasn’t touching the surface. “I have a feeling you’re not as polite as you try to come across.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

“Observation. All Kevin told us was that he had this neighbor who was a freshman. He’d be sitting with us at lunch for the year. He was a little awkward because he was homeschooled all his life. I think there’s more to the story.” 

Stuart had used every resource he had to make sure that the Wesninski part of Neil’s story never saw the light. Nathan Wesninski was only really popular in the Baltimore area so there weren’t many people down south who would know. Nathaniel Wesninski and Mary Hatford were supposed to be dead when they first came to Palmetto, so it’s not like anyone ever knew them by those names. It’s not like anyone knew them in general. 

Kevin knew the whole story. Stuart felt it was necessary to be transparent with Kevin’s parents, Abby and David, since Stuart was going to be relying on Kevin so much to help Neil through school. Stuart had his own business ventures to attend so while he was technically now Neil’s guardian he wasn’t really around a lot. Again, something Neil was perfectly fine with. 

“Your silence makes me think I’m right.” 

Neil snapped out of his thoughts. “Maybe I just don’t have anything to say to you.” 

“Then why come over here?” Andrew asked. 

Neil stuck his hand out for Andrew’s cigarette. The blonde looked curious and handed it over. Neil didn’t take a drag but instead inhaled the smoke that was coming out. 

“If you want to waste someone’s nicotine I suggest you find Jean.” 

“How did you know how to do that? At the block party when I fell?” Neil handed the cigarette back. 

“I’m good at recognizing when people need to be told they’re being dramatic. You got bumped into. It wasn’t a big deal.” 

“It was a panic attack.” 

“You were surrounded by a bunch of people who would’ve helped you. You needed to calm down.” 

“It’s not that simple.” 

Andrew stood up and Neil was almost knocked over by the bounce. “Isn’t it? You clearly don’t trust any of us. You didn’t have a panic attack because you fell on the ground. You had a panic attack because you thought no one would help you. I just proved that you were wrong.” 

“What are you a shrink?” Neil didn’t appreciate the psychoanalyzing. 

“No. But my mother is. You know her as Miss. Dobson.” 

“The school’s psychologist.” Neil confirmed. “You don’t have her last name. Why not?” 

Andrews tsked. “Sorry Neil, you’re going to have to trade me something of equal value if you want to unlock my tragic backstory.” 

Neil watched as Andrew climbed down from the trampoline. “Eighth period.” 

Andrew looks up at him, confused. Neil tries to pull his words together. “I run on the track during eighth period. Sometimes I see you smoking behind the school. Maybe if you come closer, I’ll trade you a truth.” 

“Hmm.” Andrew says. “Maybe you will be interesting after all.” 

Neil watched as Andrew threw his cigarette to the ground and took a giant swig of his whisky as he walked off. Neil couldn’t explain why, but for the first time he felt as though he had something to look forward to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) hope you like it so far!


	4. Girls Night & The First Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil gets invited to a Girls' Night and begins trading truths with Andrew.

Neil was just trying to enjoy his sandwich when Allison plopped her bag onto the lunch table. 

“Wrong table Barbie,” Jean said. Jeremy pokes his arm as retaliation for the bite in his tone. 

“Do we really have assigned seats?” Allison questions, “If I want to sit next to Neil one day, why shouldn’t I be able to?” 

“I don’t think I want to be here for when Minyard sees you in his seat,” Laila says 

“I’m so happy to hear you say that. You can move tables then. I’ll take your seat, leaving the baby goth’s seat perfectly available.” 

Neil let out an unexpected laugh. Laila definitely set herself up for that one. Neil watched as she defeatedly picked up her tray and moved it to the other table. Dan and Renee welcomed her with open arms and immediately began talking to her. Seth seemed a bit annoyed he won’t have the lunch period to try and woo Allison back but he doesn’t comment on it. 

“Neil,” Allison addresses him. 

“Yes, Allison?” 

“We’re having a girls night on Friday. Your presence is mandatory.” 

“Um. At a girls night?” 

“Don’t bother fighting it,” Kevin says. “They always corral one of us into their girls' nights. You might as well just get it over with.” 

“Excuse me? Get it over with? First of all, how dare you, Kevin Day. Second of all, consider yourself uninvited to any girls’ nights for the rest of your life.” 

“Somehow, I think I’ll live.” 

That was how Neil found himself sitting in Allison Reynolds’ mansion, watching a Disney movie and eating fruit dipped in chocolate. Neil was actually just eating the fruit sans chocolate but no one called him out on it. 

“Okay. We’re watching  _ Tangled _ next. But first. Drinks?” 

The girls all cheered and got up to help Allison mix a bunch of fancy looking cocktails. Neil stayed sitting on the floor. 

“Not a big Disney fan, Neil?” Renee asked. 

“I’ve never really seen any Disney movies. Lot’s of singing though.” 

Renee laughed, “Yes, they’re all like that. Would you like one of whatever they’re making in there?” 

“I’m not a big alcohol person.” 

“That’s okay. Neither am I.” Renee nudged his shoulder in solidarity. 

Allison sat back on the floor with a tray full of various colored beverages. Dan was sipping one that was an unnatural color of blue. 

“Okay,” Allison announces “Before we watch the hunky Flynn Rider fall in love with the best Disney princess, Rapunzel, and no I will not take any other opinions, that is a fact, it’s time for girl talk.” 

“Can you not title everything ‘girl’ while I’m here?” Neil groaned. 

“Don’t be so fragile, Neil. ‘Girl Talk’ doesn’t have a gender, it’s a state of being,” Sara explains. 

Allison makes everyone sit in a circle, “So. First up we have, Danielle Wilds. How is Mr. Boyd?” 

“Ugh. Don’t call him that,” Dan grins as she takes a sip of her drink, “He’s good. We’re good.” 

“What’s going to happen after graduation?” Laila asks. 

“We’ve talked about it. We’re going to stay together. I know it won’t be easy but, everything feels right with him you know? I don’t want to lose that over possible distance.” 

Everyone but Neil started to aw. In theory, Neil knew what love was supposed to be like. He was self aware enough that he knew he did not get the kind he needed from his mother. Mary Hatford loved her son enough to try and protect him, but that was where her love ended. Stuart loved Neil but in an obligatory sense. He was his nephew and Stuart felt like he had to come in. That didn’t necessarily mean he wanted to. Neil sort of understood familial love in that sense. He had no idea where to even begin about romantic love. 

“Okay, okay, enough. Katelyn? How are things with Aaron? Does Andrew still send you death glares every time you’re around?” 

Katelyn laughed, “No, no. We’re good. Andrew and I came to an understanding.” 

“What do you mean?” Neil realized that he was the one who asked that. He didn’t mean to, but he found himself to be constantly curious about the boy that was Andrew Minyard. 

“Oh, you don’t know? I figured Kevin would have given you everyone’s detailed history. That nerd,” Allison laughed as she took a sip of her drink. 

“No, he didn’t,” Neil lied. Kevin gave him more than names and faces. He told him that Matt had track marks on his arm and as a result that group didn’t do anything harder than weed. How Jeremy was always happy but had the worst anxiety so if he disappeared from the group sometimes that was why. How Marissa missed a whole month of school once because she had to go to some clinic for girls with eating disorders. 

Kevin wasn’t trying to share everyone’s secrets. It was more information so Neil wouldn’t suggest they all snort lines, or point out that Jeremy went to the bathroom a half hour ago and still hasn’t come back, or comment on how much or how little Marissa was eating. He was trying to protect his friends from unwanted confrontation and Neil understood that. 

“Well everyone knows so it’s not a big deal,” Katelyn explained, “Andrew didn’t really like me at first. He thought I was using Aaron or something like that. Being a protective brother you know? But after a while Andrew realized I care for Aaron just as much as he does. So an understanding of sorts.” 

Neil was a trained liar. He was trained to lie and soon as he could speak, so he could tell that this story Katelyn gave, the one that seems to be known and accepted over the friend group was just a surface level story. A half truth. There was definitely more to the story and Neil was curious. 

“Okay, time to watch Tangled now?” Laila asked. 

“Not so fast. I want to hear about the latest Allison and Seth drama!” Marissa demanded. 

Allison went into way too much detail about hers and Seth’s relationship. Neil excused himself when the conversation began to be about Seth’s more private physical attributes. 

Neil found himself sitting in a large porcelain bathroom. Everything was white or off white. He didn’t have to use the bathroom but if he did he didn’t think he’d be able to do it in this room. Everything looked so clean and perfect. 

Neil didn’t understand attraction. He didn’t know if it was because he never had the chance to think of someone in that way or if maybe there was just something wrong with him. He’s about a month into high school and he hasn’t found himself being drawn to anyone or feeling some sort of movie-like attraction to someone. He knew objectively, that some people were nicer to look at than others. 

He liked how the colors in Renee’s hair were always vibrant. He liked how Allison always matched her make up with her outfits. He liked how Jean’s eyebrows seemed to always have a reaction regardless of his face always feigning disinterest. He liked Andrew’s blonde hair and how his eyes didn’t fit the color scheme he thought eyes always were. He knew green eyes like Kevin, brown eyes like the contacts he used to wear, and the blue eyes that stared back at him. He had never seen eyes like Andrew’s before. 

Neil’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. 

Thea quitely padded her way in and sat on the floor across from Neil, “Not interested in hearing all about the crazy sex Allison and Seth are always having?” 

Neil laughed at her bluntness. “Not particularly, no.” 

“You know, sometimes I don’t really feel like I fit in with the rest of them.” 

“Really?” Neil looked up at her, “You seem so confident.” 

Thea shrugged, “I moved to Palmetto when I was in ninth grade. So I actually was exactly where you are. Freshman year, not knowing anyone, and watching everyone try and carry their middle school friendships up to high school.” 

“I didn’t know that.” 

“I actually met Seth first. Is that weird? I was eating lunch at the table we sit at now but I was by myself. Seth sat down and was like ‘I’m trying to make this girl jealous. Pretend I said something funny’. Yeah, right? Even back then they were like this. But I was just so in shock that I genuinely laughed. The next day Allison, Dan and Renee all sat with us. Allison never mentioned if it made her jealous or not. I was happy to have friends, but Allison, Dan and Renee have known each other since elementary school. They’ll always have more history together. Three’s a crowd, so what does that make four?” 

“You seem to get along with everyone, fine.” 

“It’s not about getting along with everyone necessarily,” Thea noticed her cup was empty and tossed into the off white garbage can in the corner. “Allison, Dan and Renee have a friends-since-kindergarten bond with each other. Laila and Sara are not only best friends but heading toward a romantic relationship whether they know it or not. Katelyn, Sara, and Marissa have cheerleading together. Laila and Allison have student government together. Katelyn and Renee have this ‘able to tolerate the Minyards’ bond together.” 

Neil blinks, “Renee and Andrew?” 

“They spar together on weekends sometimes, I don’t know, but that’s not the point. The point is, I don’t have a connection like that really with anyone in this group. Not even the guys. I’ve felt like a tag along in this group for a while, so I wanted to extend a hand I guess. I know how overwhelming some of them can be, but they mean well. I just listed everything I don’t have in common with anyone and yet I’m always invited to these nights. It can get messy in your head, thinking about all the ways you think you don’t fit in. But trust me when I say, if no one wanted you here, in this house, at parties or at lunch, you wouldn’t be there. We want you there. Okay?” 

Neil didn’t know what to say. Thea hit it right on the nail. He couldn’t stop feeling like he was just being tolerated because Kevin asked. He was naive to underestimate the strength of these people. As if they would ever just tolerate someone because Kevin asked, “Thank you.” 

Thea nodded as though she was satisfied with a completed mission. “Okay. Now let’s go back out there before they start looking for us.” 

Neil sat amongst the girls with a different feeling in his stomach. He felt at peace, knowing that he was surrounded by people who wanted him there. He wasn’t comfortable staying overnight at someone else’s house yet so Renee offered to drive him home since she hadn’t been drinking. She wasn’t staying over either since she was volunteering at the community outreach center early in the morning. 

When she pulled up in front of Neil’s house she offered him a small smile, “Goodnight, Neil.” 

“Goodnight, Renee.” 

She waited until Neil got inside his house before driving away. Neil went up to his room and went to bed easily. When he woke up the next morning, he felt well rested and steady for the first time in a very long time. 

~ 

“You look sweaty and gross.” 

Neil was lying on the ground around his run. He may have pushed himself a little too hard today. He removed his arms from over his eyes at the sound of the voice. 

“And you look like a tween who never got over their emo phase.” 

“Wow. He thinks he’s funny.” 

Andrew climbed over the chainlink fence to get on the same side as Neil, instead of using the open gate that was not more than three feet away. He sat down against the fence and tossed Neil the water bottle that was sitting by his bag. Neil was planning on drinking water, he had just laid down too far from his bag and had found it very inconvenient for him to have to get up. 

“So,” Neil said. 

“You’re wonderous with words. Has anyone ever told you that? You said if I came closer, that you would trade me a truth. Here I am. Closer.” 

“You go first.” 

Andrew scoffed, incredulous, “What are we? Twelve?” 

“No, but you already know what I want to know and I didn’t think you would actually show so I haven’t thought of anything to trade yet.” 

“Fine,” Andrew narrowed his eyes, “You better make it worth it.” 

Neil nodded and tried to think of what he could tell Andrew that wouldn’t make him pity him or think he was some kind of freak. 

“Betsy Dobson adopted me and my brother when we were ten. We were well established as Minyards at that point. Aaron didn’t want to change last names, and we thought it would be easier if we didn’t share a last name with the school district’s shrink.” 

“I feel like there’s more to that story.” 

“There is. But you haven’t earned that yet. Your turn,” Andrew mocked. 

“I was homeschooled because my mom didn’t want me out in public. We’ve been in Palmetto since I was eight years old. Witness Protection put us here because my father was not a nice man.” 

“Hmm. Now I know there’s more to that story.” 

“There is,” Neil copied Andrew, “But you haven’t earned that yet.” 

Andrew gave Neil a look he couldn’t quite decipher. He could have sworn he saw a small quirk of his lip. 

“You have plans after this?” 

“No. Just going to take the bus home.” 

Andrew stood up and grabbed Neil’s stuff. He used the gate this time to leave and Neil was left on the ground. 

“Hey, wait, what are you--” 

“Keep up, Josten.” 

Neil scrambled to follow Andrew. He led him to a black, fancy looking sports car. Andrew threw his stuff into the back of the truck and then opened the passenger door. He made a gentlemanlike gesture for Neil to get in the car. 

“Where are we going?” 

“It’s a secret. You can keep a secret, can’t you?” 

Neil nodded with something like a thrill running through his veins. Neil had accepted that Kevin was really his friend. That Jean was really his friend. That the girls were really his friends. He felt a similar sense of warmth run through him when he accepted that they were genuine. 

This feeling was different. The warmth he felt with Andrew’s attention was warmer, if possible. It didn’t end with his veins, he felt it all over his body. In his bones, his head, his heart. He couldn’t quite place how exactly it was different from the others, but he felt himself wanting to chase this feeling more and more, every time Andrew looked over from the drivers side. 

The secret in place was an abandoned building at the top of a hill. 

“This used to be the old elementary school before they made the newer one. They wanted all the schools close to each other so this building ended up abandoned.” 

Andrew climbed a ladder on the side and motioned for Neil to follow. When they reached the top Andrew lit up a cigarette and walked over to the edge. He seemed hesitant but took a seat on the ledge, with his feet hanging off. Neil sat next to him and breathed in the smoke. It made him miss his mother. Neil didn’t realize that he was staring until Andrew pointed it out. 

“You’re looking the wrong way,” Andrew reached out and gripped Neil’s chin, turning it so Neil was looking out in front of him. 

The sky was a solid blue, but was littered with orange, golden-like clouds. The sun was not quite setting yet, but the sky was preparing for the occasion. From this point on the hill, Palmetto was stretched out before him. He could see the school, and the track where he just ran. He could see the richer part of town where Allison’s mansion was. He could see the downtown area starting to illuminate with lights more visible as the sun began to creep down. 

Neil couldn’t help the smile that came across his face. It was breathtaking. 

Andrew seemed indifferent toward the beauty of the sky before him. Instead his gaze was firmly placed on Neil, “Welcome to Palmetto, Josten.” 

Neil breathed in the air around him and found himself almost giddy with the mix of fresh air and tainted smoke. This was his home, and he was welcome. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is now a good time to mention the title of this fic is from the song ready to run by one direction?


	5. Kickball and Epiphanies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game of kickball is played, a truth is traded, a minor meltdown, and a realization occurs.

“Alright. Here are the rules. If you kick the ball past the swings, automatic home run. No stealing bases. And for fuck’s sake, Kevin, this is a friendly game of kickball. We are not in the damn kickball Olympics so tone down the competitiveness for once.” 

Everyone laughed at Allison’s dig at Kevin. 

“Et tu, Neil?” Neil just shook his head at Kevin’s surprise. Neil did not actually have to be bribed or forced to come to the park today. He had been sitting in his room, wondering if it would be weird for him to text or call Andrew, or maybe Robin, or even Kevin to hang out, when his phone started ringing. 

“Kickball in the park, Josten. Let’s go.” 

Neil had smiled and didn’t even think before he ran downstairs, bidding Stuart a farewell, and getting into the passenger seat of Andrew’s car. Nicky, Aaron and Katelyn were already in the backseat. 

Now, everyone was lined up as Allison stood before them, in very tiny pink shorts, and an old concert t-shirt tied to show off her tanned and toned stomach. She held an orange kickball in her hand as she spoke. 

“Captains,” She looked across the lineup as though she were choosing who to send off to the guillotines, “Dan for team 1, Neil for team 2.” 

Kevin clapped him on the back and pushed him forward. When Dan and Neil stood before the line Allison placed the ball in between them and stood where Neil had been. 

“Ladies first,” Allison gestured for Dan to pick. 

“Alright…” Dan surveyed the lineup, “Kevin.” 

Kevin cheered at being picked first. “Don’t get too cocky, Day. I only picked you so Neil couldn’t,” Dan smirked at him. 

If this had been a few weeks ago, Neil probably would have panicked at not being able to be on the same team as Kevin. But Neil was different now. Neil had daily conversations with Robin. Neil traded truths on the track with Andrew and then let him drive him home almost everyday after school since that first time all those days ago. Neil went to the mall with Allison, and texted Jean in French, and went out to lunch with Thea on weekends. Neil was a new man. And he knew exactly how to handle this situation. 

Neil made his first pick, “Two can play it that way, Wilds. I choose Matt.” 

A few “oooh’s” occurred amongst the crowd. 

“Well played,” Dan narrowed her eyes at him. 

The teams ended up as follows: Dan, Kevin, Seth, Renee, Erik, Aaron, Katelyn, Laila, and Marissa on one team. 

Neil, Matt, Andrew, Thea, Jean, Allison, Jeremy, Nicky, and Sara on the other. 

Kevin did not heed Allison’s warning. He was as competitive as ever, and responsible for most of his teams home runs. Dan’s team won the first round but now Neil was determined to win. The teams huddled for a quick strategy session. 

“What’s the plan, Captain?” Nicky asked. Nicky was not a very good player. He cheered every time Erik did well to the point where Allison yelled that if he didn’t stop cheering for the other team she was going to make him sit out and watch. Nicky, never one to want to be excluded, stopped shortly after. 

“They’re good but they’re relying on strength. They have Kevin, Seth, and Renee kick first so that they can rack up some initial points but they all run really slow around the bases. They’re not quick. Instead of kicking straight, we should kick off to the side but still in bounds, that way they have to run for it. It’ll give us a chance to get on the bases.” 

The team agreed on the plan and lined up. Aaron was the pitcher and so far he had singled out Neil, Andrew and Nicky with fast curveballs. Neil had Matt, Thea and Jean go first since Aaron didn’t seem to have any vendetta against them and would pitch normally. Laila was guarding first base, Katelyn was on second, and Erik was on third. Seth, Dan, Kevin, Renee and Marissa were all spread out in the outfield. Neil smirked at the thought that they all were about to really have to put in the work to try and catch the kickball when his team kicked. 

Aaron rolled the ball to Matt and instead of Matt kicking full force to the outfield, he lightly side kicked the ball toward third base, making sure the ball didn’t catch any air. It was still in bounds so he was able to run straight to first base before Erik could get it. 

Thea and Jean did the same exact thing until the bases were loaded. Dan’s team caught on to what was happening and moved away from the outfield to get closer to where the ball was being kicked. 

It was Andrew’s turn to kick next and Neil saw Aaron grin. Aaron pitched his awkward fast curveball but Andrew was expecting it this time. He met the ball, and slammed his foot into the side of it, sending it straight to the outfield where Dan’s team no longer was. That kick ended up securing Matt, Thea, Jean and Andrew all homerun’s. Neil’s team ended up winning that round. 

Neil ended up on Matt’s shoulders as his team celebrated. Everyone ended up spending a little more time at the park, either sitting and talking or using the kickball as a basketball and playing 3 on 3 games. When everyone was tired, they all broke up to head home. Neil didn’t really want to leave though. He was high off a win and social interaction. 

The high off of a win wasn’t surprising. Neil always had a competitive streak in him. He had to be in order to survive, and then to keep himself from going crazy being stuck in his home all those years. The social interaction part was what he couldn’t believe. Was he really the same person who had freaked out the day before the first day of classes in Kevin’s bedroom? Was he the same person who had to strategically plan out how many people he could tolerate at once? No, he wasn’t the same person. He was braver now, and living his life, and he was high off of freedom. He wanted more. 

“Don’t want to leave?” Andrew asked him. 

“I’ve never really gotten to play in a park like this before. With so many people, I mean.” 

Andrew hummed. He seemed to be searching Neil for something, when he found what he was looking for he called out to Nicky and walked over. Nicky seemed to light up at whatever Andrew suggested. Neil watched as Nicky, Katelyn and Aaron all got into Erik’s car instead of going back toward Andrew’s. 

“You’re not leaving?” Neil asked with a grin.

Andrew rolled his eyes, “Let’s see how high you can swing, Josten.” 

Neil headed toward the swings with Andrew. They both sat and Neil laughed at the irony. 

“What?” Andrew asked. 

“It’s just...I don’t swing. But I’m on a swing.” One of the truths Neil had traded with Andrew was that he didn’t particularly swing toward boys or girls. 

Other truths he had traded were his other identities before witness protection, but not his real name. Not yet. Neil got a chill thinking about being able to tell Andrew something so incredibly raw. Once Andrew knew who he really was there was no turning back. Neil didn’t think Andrew would hold it against him. Neil actually was completely positive that Andrew would just take the information as a fact and nothing more. 

“Wow. He’s funny,” Andrew said, rolling his eyes. He began to pump his legs back and forth to gain air. Neil copied him. 

“Jump to see who can go farther,” Andrew directed right before pushing himself off the swing and landing in the sand surrounding the swingset. Neil copied him and landed a few inches further than him. Neil smirked at the win. 

Andrew moved to sit on the grass instead of the sand. It was getting late now and the sun setting was making Andrew’s hair especially blonde. The sun was hitting Andrew’s left eye more than the right, highlighting every single color within them. Neil was looking straight at a light to dark comparison of Andrew’s eyes and he couldn’t tell which he liked more.

“Can I take a turn?” Neil asked. 

“Go ahead,” Andrew replied indifferently. 

“What color are your eyes?” 

Andrew snapped his head at Neil. His face was a mixture of amusement and disbelief. Neil thought he wasn’t going to get an answer but then Andrew, slowly let out, “Hazel.” 

“Hazel,” Neil repeated. Neil was going to research everything he could about hazel eyes and how one ends up with ones like Andrew’s. Neil had a new appreciation for the word, “They’re pretty.”

Neil watched as Andrew bit the side of his cheek. He let out a huff and then shook his head, “This isn’t happening.” 

Andrew got up and started to head toward his car. Neil followed but was confused about the sudden departure. What wasn’t happening? Neil asked Andrew as much. 

Andrew didn’t answer, instead he was silent the whole drive back to Neil’s house. Neil felt a certain kind of discomfort about thinking he did something to upset Andrew. Andrew parked the car, but Neil didn’t get out yet. 

“Are you upset with me?” 

“No,” Andrew grit out, “I’m upset with myself.” 

“Oh. Well do you--” 

“Neil.”

It wasn’t often Andrew used his first name, “Yeah?” 

“I need you to get out of my car.” 

“Oh,” Neil was dumbfounded, “Okay, yeah, sure.” 

As soon as Neil closed the door, Andrew sped off. Not waiting to see if Neil got inside like Renee had done that one night. Neil turned and started to walk up the path to his front door. He got about halfway before he stopped, and looked over to the house next to his.  _ Fuck it _ . 

He sprinted across the grass and banged on the front door. He noticed neither Abby nor David’s car was in the driveway so he didn’t really care about the noise he was making. 

“What the fuck, Neil.” 

Neil barged his way into Kevin’s house. “I need help. I’m having feelings and I don’t know what they are, and I think I upset someone and it’s making me feel like really bad inside and I don’t know what to do I’ve never had this kind of feeling before and I think I’m going to go insane like the thought of even upsetting this person has me feeling on edge and weird inside and--” 

“Neil, you need to breathe.” 

Neil stopped his ranting and looked up at Kevin. There was concern and something else on his face. Neil was so sick of not knowing what the something else always was. Andrew always had a specific version of  _ something else _ written on him when he looked at Neil and it pissed Neil off to no end that he didn’t know what it was. 

“Come on, come up stairs,” Kevin led Neil up the stairs. 

When Kevin opened the door to his room, Neil noticed that Jean, Jeremy and Matt were all there. Matt had a controller in his hand and was leaning up against Kevin's bed on the floor. Jean was lying on his stomach on Kevin’s bed, also with a controller in his hand. When Neil had first walked in Jeremy’s head had been leaning against Jean’s shoulder but he removed it when he took in Neil’s current state of being. Neil swallowed the slight embarrassment of now knowing they all heard him bang on the door like that. 

“Neil!” Matt was always happy to see him, “What’s up, man?” 

“I, uh, think I upset someone. And I don’t know why.” 

Jeremy leaned over to take the controller from Jean’s hand to pause the game, “Take a seat, dude, let’s talk it out.” 

Neil didn’t speak to Jeremy a lot. He knew there was a reason everyone called him Mr. Sunshine, though. He was always willing to help and always looked for the best in people. 

Neil hesitantly took a seat on the floor near Matt. Kevin dropped a water bottle in his lap, and Neil was grateful for something to do with his hands. Everyone was looking at him, waiting for him to start speaking. 

“Erik said that he took Nicky, Katelyn and Aaron home because you and Andrew wanted to stay at the park,” Jeremy said to encourage Neil to start talking. 

“Yeah. We did. We were just hanging out and then I asked him a question that I don’t think he liked.” 

“Well, what did you ask him?” Matt asked. 

Neil sighed, “I’ve been thinking about...about his eyes a lot. I know brown, I know blue, and I know green. I’ve never seen any like his before. Sometimes the sun hits them a certain way and they’re completely different than they were just a minute ago. They never look the same as I remember them. I asked him what color they were.” 

Everyone in the room was quiet. Jean and Jeremy shared a look with each other and Matt looked like he was going to burst. 

“Well,” Kevin said, “What color are they?” 

“Hazel. They’re hazel. I told him they were pretty.” 

Matt burst, “Neil! Neil, you clearly have a crush on Andrew.” 

Neil was confused, “What? No, I don’t swing. I don’t like people...like that.” 

“ _ Putain d’enfer”  _ Jean scoffed.

“Hey,” Jeremy poked his cheek, “Language.” 

“Neil. You clearly like Andrew like that. Just because you thought you didn’t swing doesn’t mean that you can’t swing now,” Jean explained.

“So what? I’ve never had any interest in girls or boys before. Allison’s boobs being half out of her shirt has never worked or made me interested in girls, and same with every time Nicky flirts with me. What does that make me? Some kind of Andrew-sexual?” 

“You’re an idiot,” Kevin pulls his laptop off his desk and quickly types something and then hands it over to Neil. It’s a website that has resources and explanations of different sexualities. “There’s more than just liking boys and liking girls. You don’t have to figure it out now, but you shouldn’t dismiss your feelings for Andrew just because they don’t align with what you previously thought about yourself.” 

“He was still mad at me when he dropped me off though.” 

“If I had to guess, Andrew probably likes you too but since you’ve been saying you don’t swing he doesn’t think he has a chance and doesn’t want to put himself out there,” Jeremy shrugged. 

Neil thought about this. There’s never been a girl or boy he was particularly interested in. He knew that the way he felt about Andrew was different than the way he felt about Kevin or Robin but he could have never predicted a crush. He wasn’t sure he wanted all that came with dating. He wasn’t too fond of the intense physical PDA that Allison and Seth performed, tonguing each other's throats in the middle of the hallway. He wasn’t sure he would like the closeness of how Matt and Dan were always wrapped in each other. 

He didn’t know exactly what he wanted and it felt wrong to tell Andrew that he liked him as more than a friend when he didn’t know if he could handle the rest that came with that. 

Neil remembered sitting on the bleachers with Jean at the Welcome Back Block Party. Jean had said that he went to social events because it made Jeremy happy. Neil addressed him as he tried to take the controller back from Jeremy, “Jean. You said you sometimes do things that you wouldn’t normally because it makes Jeremy happy. But...what if it’s too much?” 

The room got quiet. 

“Then I leave. Or I don’t go,” Jean stated simply. 

“But…” 

Jeremy interrupted, “I’d like to think that Jean doesn’t only do things to make me happy. I mean I know that sometimes he does, but if there were a situation where it was a bad day and he wasn’t comfortable going out with a big crowd, I would never force him to. Just the same, sometimes stuff is too much for me and he knows that. It’s about having open communication and setting necessary boundaries if you need to. When you’re with the right person, they’ll accept that.” 

“Yeah, I mean sometimes there are things Dan can’t talk to me about,” Matt adds, “She needs Allison or Renee and I get that. I trust her that when she’s ready to talk to me then she will. Trust is important too. Do you trust Andrew?” 

Neil swallowed, “Yeah.” 

“Then you’re good. If you want to see what could be, tell him the truth. It’s okay to be confused. You’re only fourteen. Andrew’s what? Fifteen? No one is expecting you to commit to him for the rest of your life. If he makes you feel happy and hopeful then I say go for it.” 

Neil let that sink in. Andrew would understand. He’d been understanding about every other truth Neil had given him so how could this time be any different? Neil felt a little spike of adrenaline at the thought of seeing Andrew tomorrow. It was a risk he had never had the opportunity of taking before. Feelings. He could faintly hear his mother disapproving, but the voice that was pushing growth, and hope was much louder. 

“Great. So does anyone else want to have an existential crisis tonight?” Kevin surveyed the room, “No? Okay. Good.” 

The video game music started up again Matt, Jean and Kevin lost themselves in the game. Neil huddled back toward the bed with Kevin’s laptop still in his lap. He started to browse through some of the different terminology. Every now and then Jeremy would lean down and explain something Neil didn’t quite understand. 

Neil felt infinite with what tomorrow could be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil is an andrew-sexual ok that's it. thats the story.


	6. Let's Talk About Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil talks to Andrew about his feelings + a movie night.

Neil skipped his run today. He wasn’t going to. But then he started thinking that maybe Andrew wouldn’t show up to the track like he normally did because of what happened after the park and he really,  _ really _ , wanted to talk to Andrew. So he took matters into his own hands. After gym he said goodbye to Robin, and then instead of just going straight to the track for the first time all year went back to the locker room, waited for everyone to be done, then changed back into his normal clothes. Gym class was just table tennis today, so he had no need to use the showers. 

When he was done, he got his normal pass to be allowed on the track during his free period, but he went toward the back of the building instead. Neil sat on the ground and rehearsed what he wanted to say in his head. 

_ I think I like you. I don’t know what that means but my heart feels differently around you. I’ve never kissed anyone before and I’m scared you’re going to want to kiss me.  _

It all sounded so stupid to him. Andrew could probably have anyone he wanted. Neil knew that when Andrew was a freshman he used to hook up with this senior, Roland, who’s now graduated. But he would be back for Thanksgiving and winter break and maybe Andrew would want to continue hooking up. 

Hooking up. Neil hated the term. He didn’t know what it meant. Allison and Nicky said it was the same as “getting it on”, whatever the fuck that meant. But Laila and Sara said that it could just be kissing. Matt said that hooking up was anything past second base but Neil didn’t understand the reference. He asked Jeremy about it since Jeremy plays baseball and Jeremy laughed for a good five minutes before explaining that hooking up just meant that  _ something _ , usually physical, happened between two people. So, really, everyone Neil asked was utterly useless and he had no idea what that term meant, didn’t understand how baseball was related and was very worried about how Andrew would react. 

Would Andrew want to be with someone with so little experience? How much experience did Andrew really have? What the fuck does getting in on mean? Who has been getting in on? At what age should you get it on? What’s on? Is there getting it off? And, if so how is that different than on? 

Neil was pulled out of his internal rampage by two booted feet made an appearance in Neils’ line of vision. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I thought you might not come to the track today and I wanted to talk to you.” 

Andrew looked like he wanted to turn around and leave, but it appeared curiosity got the better of him and he sat down in front of Neil, “Well? Talk.” 

Neil started to pull the grass out of the ground. A sure sign of his nerves, “Can I take a turn?” 

“If you must.” 

“Do you...like me? Like more than you like anyone else?” 

“I don’t like anyone.” 

“Andrew,” Neil said, exasperated. 

“Yes,” Andrew gritted out. “If you are trying to ask if I have feelings for you. The answer is yes.” 

Neil breathed that answer in. He looked toward Andrew who looked tense and would probably knock Neil out if he didn’t get to the point. 

“It has come to my attention that I also. Have feelings. For you.”

Andrew raised his eyebrows, “Well that sounded painful to get out.” 

“No. I just. I’ve never had feelings for anyone before, I thought I didn’t like boys or girls or anyone. I had a bit of a breakdown at Kevin’s after you dropped me off after the park and Jeremy and Jean and Matt were there and it was really embarrassing and Kevin showed me this website about different sexualities. Did you know there were so many? Anyway the basic advice I got from them was that I shouldn’t dismiss how I’m feeling about you just because I’ve never felt it before.” 

“Feels like there’s a but.” 

Neil sighed, “ _ But, _ I don’t know what this means. I’ve never kissed anyone before or done anything and I don’t even know what this changes now? Like what happens next? Just because there’s mutual feelings does that mean we have to start acting like Seth and Allison or Nicky and Erik? Because I don’t really think I want that. Right now, anyway. All I know is that I feel...calm when you’re around. Everything feels easier? And I don’t feel as weird or stupid around you as I do with the others when I don’t know something. I don’t know if I’ll like kissing or anything else for that matter.” 

Andrew was quiet for a long time. He seemed to be deep in thought, and Neil couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that the sun was in one of his eyes just like it was at the park. His other eye was in the shadow of a cloud. 

Neil was distracted by the hazel, and he didn’t notice Andrew move onto his knees and shuffle toward him. 

He was very close to Neil when he spoke, “Can I put my hand on your face?” 

“Yes.” 

Neil was surprised that he enjoyed the touch. It wasn’t rough or gripping like his mother used to do to get him to pay attention. It was soft and comforting. It was not the casual and platonic touch he was used to with Kevin or Matt or even Allison. This touch had a purpose. Andrew’s hand was on his right cheek, his thumb right in the center, with the rest of his fingers spread by his ear and neck. 

“How does that feel?” Andrew asked. 

“Good,” Neil whispered back. Neil noticed Andrew looking down at his lips, “Are you going to kiss me?” 

“Not if you don’t want me to.” 

“I’ve never done it before,” Neil felt the need to remind him. 

“That’s okay.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Neil. Yes or no?” 

“Yes.” 

Andrew used the hand already on Neil’s face to pull him in. It was a soft kiss, with Neil’s bottom lip in between Andrew’s.  _ He’s definitely done this before, _ Neil thought. Neil wasn’t sure what to do or where to put his hands, but before he could think too much Andrew pulled away. His eyes searched Neil’s and he started to lean in again, slow enough that Neil could stop him if he wanted to. 

This time, Andrew put more effort into it. Neil had his eyes closed and was giving in. He felt every nerve in his body beg for more. Neil was so sure he wasn’t going to be receptive to any sort of touch because he’d never had it before. He should’ve known better. He should’ve known that it would be different with Andrew. 

Neil lost himself in the kiss and felt him push back, to try and give Andrew a little bit of what he was currently feeling now. Eventually, Andrew pulled away.

“Okay?” Andrew asked. 

“What happens now?” 

“We take it step by step. If you want to keep kissing then we do that. If you want to try something else, then we talk about it. We don’t do anything we don’t both want to do. You keep me in check, I keep you in check.” 

It sounded too simple, put like that. Neil trusted Andrew to tell him no when he needed, and he knew Andrew would respect his no’s as well. 

“Okay. Yeah. Yes.” 

Neil couldn’t help but be in awe of Andrew. He seemed so much more mature and put together than Neil was and there was only one year between them. Neil knew it had a lot to do with their upbringings. 

“Staring.” 

“You have pretty eyes.” 

Andrew removed his hand and sighed, “So you’ve said.” 

Neil followed as Andrew headed toward the parking lot where his car was. He no longer found it surprising that he didn’t care where Andrew would take him, that he would so willingly get in the car, not caring about the destination, as long as he was with Andrew. 

~ 

Neil was very happy, which was still a strange term for him, to be learning that there was more to Andrew than just his eyes that he enjoyed. 

Currently, they were sitting criss-crossed, facing each other on the fluffy carpet of Andrew’s bedroom. The door was closed and Andrew’s mouth was on his, and his hands were holding Neil’s face. Neil’s hands stood still in his own lap. They had had conversations in their game of truths about Andrew’s past and his life before he met Aaron and Betsy Dobson adopted the two of them and how Andrew wasn’t always the biggest fan of touch. 

Neil was pretty sure they had been kissing for at least three hours at that point. He would’ve been content to continue kissing for three more hours, but a knock on the door interrupted them. 

“Go away.” 

The knocks got louder in retaliation for Andrew's dismissal. Andrew sighed as he pulled away from Neil. Neil saw the pink blush in Andrew’s cheeks and decided that the next time he had his art studio he was going to make an effort to recreate that exact color. 

Andrew got up and opened the door to reveal Aaron giving him a knowing look, “Stop kissing your boyfriend and come downstairs. Nicky’s requesting a movie night. Family bonding.” 

“Sounds awful,” Andrew commented. 

“Oh, yeah for sure. But Katelyn and Erik are here and Nicky says you have to be part of the movie nights now that you have a man. Can’t use the fifth wheel excuse.” 

“I don’t have a man. I have a Neil.” 

Neil flushed at the comment. Aaron simply rolled his eyes and told them to hurry up. Andrew reached his hand out to Neil and Neil took it in order to be pulled up. Hands were something they had a mutual agreement on. They could hold hands without the yes or no question. They still approached it slowly so the other had time to pull away but there hasn’t been a no on either end to holding hands yet. 

Neil followed Andrew back down the stairs to the living room. Nicky and Erik were on the couch in front of the television. Erik was sitting up straight with his socked feet on the coffee table and Nicky’s head on his lap while Nicky was spread out across the rest of the couch. Katelyn and Aaron were looking through the DVD collection but there were blankets thrown on the recliner as a way to save that seat for them. Andrew threw his own blanket on the remaining bean bags on the opposite side of the room. 

Nicky lifted his head when he noticed his cousins presence, “Andrew--” 

“No.” 

“You didn’t even let me finish!” 

“Okay. What.” 

“Can you go get snacks from the kitchen?” 

“No,” Andrew repeated, “See? I was right.” 

Nicky huffed and got up himself to go to the kitchen and get snacks. Neil took pity on him and followed him to help. 

“Neil! I’m so glad you’re here, and that you’re with Andrew. We always have movie nights and Andrew never joins but now that you’re here it can be the six of us and we can hang out like all the time. It’ll be great.” 

Neil wasn’t too sure how he felt about triple dating when he and Andrew have yet to go out on a real date just the two of them. He wasn’t even sure if he and Andrew would even do that, and it’s not like he had any complaints about making out in Andrew’s bedroom or behind the school. Neil didn’t have many places to get his information from about what a couple should be doing. 

The few movies he’s seen didn’t seem to portray couples in a very realistic way so he couldn’t rely on that information. 

Nicky and Erik were a no because Neil knew he would never live it down if he asked Nicky for advice. Erik could potentially be someone he could go to if he was alone but Neil had never spoken to the taller man one on one. 

Allison and Seth were a no because they were Allison and Seth and really no one should ever consider either of them for advice about relationships. 

Matt and Dan would be way too happy to give Neil advice and ask all their nosy questions so that wasn’t happening. 

Sara and Laila were not exactly a couple yet. Kevin and Thea were playing a never ending game of who-will-make-the-first-move. Jeremy and Jean would listen to Neil, but they seemed a bit off lately and Neil didn’t want to get involved. 

He supposed he could ask Katelyn. If anyone knew how to date a Minyard it was definitely her. Though Neil was aware that she and Andrew didn’t always get along and Andrew may find Neil confiding in Katelyn as some type of betrayal. That was one truth Neil hadn’t gotten around to asking yet. What really happened between him and Katelyn. 

Neil knew he should just ask Andrew about where they stood on public outings. If Andrew didn’t want to go out in public and go out on cliche dates then Neil would be fine with that. All their friends at lunch already knew they were together and Neil was perfectly content. Andrew was out to all of their friends, but maybe he didn’t want anyone else to know. Maybe Andrew didn’t want anyone else besides his circle of friends to know that he was with Neil. 

Neil was distracted for most of the movie. It was about a group of small men trying to destroy a ring and some weird looking creature who was obsessed with the previously mentioned ring. Or something like that. Neil couldn’t stop thinking about Andrew and what it might be like to walk hand in hand in a public setting. Or to go to a movie theater together and Neil casually resting his head on Andrew’s shoulder for the entirety of the film. 

Andrew offered to drive Neil home after the movie and the car ride was silent until Andrew pulled up to Neil’s house. 

“Okay. Spill it. You barely watched the movie and you’re being weird.”

Neil pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth and chewed before figuring out how to say what he needed to say, “I’m not sure how to date someone. Everyone does it differently and it makes it very hard to figure out if I’m doing this right.” 

“I don’t think there’s a ‘right’ way to date. Everyone’s different. I’ve never dated anyone either.” 

“What?” Neil asked, “But wasn’t there that senior?” Neil knew his name but wasn’t going to voice it. 

“We didn’t date,” Andrew said, “I know you’re all in your head about all this being the first time for you, but it’s all my first time too.” 

“Oh wow so this will definitely be a mess,” Neil joked. 

Andrew let out a small laugh, “I don’t think so. I think we’re good together. We don’t have to be like Nicky and Erik or Aaron and Katelyn. We just have to do what’s right for us.” 

“Are you opposed to going on a date like to a diner or something? They do it in movies a lot.” 

“I’m not opposed,” Andrew said. Then added on, “I don’t know if I’d like it though.” 

“Me either. But I wouldn’t want to go on my first date with anyone else but you.” 

Andrew observed him for a moment, “Alright. Fuck it. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. Breakfast date at the diner.” 

Neil knew he was grinning at Andrew and giving him that look that Andrew claimed to hate but he couldn’t help it. He went to bed that night restless and hoped for tomorrow to come faster so he could see Andrew again. So he could go on his very first date with his very first boyfriend. 

With Andrew. It somehow always led back to Andrew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first kisses! first dates! 
> 
> i strongly believe that andrew loves breakfast food because he can make his waffles or pancakes as sweet as possible because whipped cream on pancakes is nORMAL.


	7. Being a Better Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil catches up with Robin, and learns what really happened between Andrew and Katelyn.

Something was off with Robin and Neil couldn’t figure out what it was. She didn’t really speak to him during gym yesterday, and now they were just sitting in the art studio, shading their drawings of flowers for an upcoming assignment in silence. 

Normally, Neil would be okay with the silence. He even preferred it to making pointless small talk with another person. But this silence felt different. It felt as though Robin was specifically not talking to  _ him _ and he couldn't figure out why. 

He didn’t even know how to approach something like this. He’s never had a fight with Kevin before or anyone else. Andrew’s silences were long and contemplative and Andrew always let Neil know what was on his mind afterwards. 

Neil continued to shade, lost in his own mind when Robin abruptly turned toward him, “Did you know I went to tryouts for cheerleading? I exchanged numbers with Katelyn, Marissa and Sara at that party you invited me to and I went to try outs. I made the team.” 

Neil was shocked. He didn’t know that and he said as much. 

Robin sighed, “I know you didn’t know that. Because we barely talk anymore. And I mean, I understand. I do. You have a boyfriend now, and cool upperclassmen friends and you’re really finding your place here. I don’t want to sound pathetic but I’m not really having the same luck. My friends from middle school and I are drifting apart and there’s nothing I can do.” 

“But you’re a cheerleader now?” Neil didn’t understand how Robin wasn’t finding her place if she was now part of a really popular group at school. 

“Yeah, but I’m not really friends with any of them? I see them at practice and sometimes they’ll say hi to me in the halls but we’re not friends. You’re pretty much the only friend I have right now. And I don’t want to sound even more pathetic but I really need my friend right now.” 

Robin was viciously shading one of her flower petals at this point. Neil wasn’t used to ever being needed. His mother for sure didn’t need him. His uncle didn’t need him. None of his other friends needed him. Andrew didn’t  _ need _ him, he didn’t think. What he and Andrew had was a choice they both made and continued to keep making. Neil was never part of anyone’s support system. He wasn’t sure what kind of comfort he could offer Robin but he wanted to try. 

“Okay. After school. I usually run on the track during the last period. We can meet up and do something afterwards? Just the two of us.” 

“You don’t have to do that just because I’m being sad.” 

Neil shook his head, “I’m not. You’re right. I’m being a bad friend to you when you’ve been nothing but great to me. You were the first real friend I ever made. Everyone else has been an extension of Kevin and while they’re all very nice, you were the first who didn’t befriend me out of obligation. So after school we’re going to meet up and you can tell me all about cheerleading how the hell you all do those splits without doubling over in pain, and I will tell you all about how Kevin got so mad I beat his high score in a video game he unplugged the system before it could save it.” 

Robin laughed and put a hand over her mouth when the teacher gave them a look for disrupting the class, “Okay. You’re on. After school.” 

~

Neil was on his second lap when Andrew climbed over the chainlink fence and sat down on the grass. If Neil ran a little faster so he’d be able to talk to Andrew, no one had to know. 

“Hi.” 

Andrew raised an eyebrow, “Hi.” 

Neil sat beside him, “I’m going to hang out with Robin after this. I know we usually hang out but I haven’t hung out with Robin in a while and I don’t want to be a bad friend.” 

“Are you looking for my permission?” 

“No,” Neil said, “I just wanted to let you know.” 

Andrew hummed in acknowledgement. He began to fiddle with the ends of his sleeves and Neil suspected there was something Andrew wanted to tell him. Neil was fine with waiting it out. He liked how Andrew chose his words carefully and didn’t impulsively speak. It was very different from Neil. Neil figured that he never had much of an opportunity to voice his opinions with his mother, and now that he was getting comfortable with Andrew and the others, he had absolutely no filter. 

“Aaron and Katelyn would like to go on a double date.” 

“Aaron does?” Neil asked, surprised. 

“The cheerleader does. But Aaron is the one who asked me.” 

“Oh,” Neil said, “Do you want to go?” 

Andrew sighed, “I would not have asked you if I didn’t.” 

Neil couldn’t help the grin appearing on his face, “Okay. Yeah. Let’s go on a double date. Can I kiss you?” 

“You’re so annoying,” Andrew rolled his eyes. But he kissed Neil anyway so Neil counted that as a win. 

When they pulled apart, Neil grabbed at the opportunity, “What happened between you and Katelyn? You don’t always refer to her by name and I know that you two didn’t always get along.”

Andrew hummed, “Paying attention to gossip now, Neil?” 

“No. I only pay attention when it involves you. And then I go to the source to figure out if it’s true or not.” 

Neil had learned all sorts of truths from Andrew. The truth about his arm bands, how he and Aaron hated each other when they first met, how Andrew totally had a crush on Kevin when he first met him but immediately got over it when he started speaking. Kevin tended to have that effect on people, Neil didn’t know how Thea lasted this long. 

“Aaron and I made a promise to each other when we got adopted by Bee,” Bee was the nickname Andrew called Betsy Dobson, “We would look out for each other so that we would never be separated again or end up in a situation like we were with Tilda.” 

Tilda was Andrew and Aaron’s birth mother. She had kept Aaron and not Andrew. Andrew had his fair share of shit luck in life due to this. Neil knew that Andrew’s life from the day he was born to eight years old was miserable. He and Aaron had met when they were both eight. Andrew moved in with them in Columbia, South Carolina and they were required to go to special family counseling with Betsy Dobson. A year later Tilda crashed her car while under the influence. Betsy had taken a liking toward the twins and fostered them and eventually adopted them, moving them to Palmetto, where Betsy resided. 

Through the adoption they discovered they had a cousin who was the same age. Betsy tried to set up a meeting but Nicky’s parents wanted nothing to do with the twins. At age thirteen, Nicky had shown up at their front door, crying with one single suitcase. He had been kicked out of his home and Betsy had taken him in as well. 

Andrew continued, “I never hated Katelyn. I was keeping my promise. Everyone likes to remember me not liking the girls Aaron was interested in but conveniently forgets Aaron does the same thing to me. When he found out about Roland he nearly jumped him in the school’s parking lot. He tried to take your legs out in kickball because he knew I liked you. We’re both keeping a promise to each other. Just because I’m more assertive about it, I get branded the crazy one.” 

Neil knew Andrew valued his promises. He was surprised that Aaron kept his end of the deal but in hindsight a lot of things made more sense now. Aaron always picking a fight with Neil, the constant snark he always gave Kevin. He was trying to keep his promise to Andrew in his own way. 

“So what happened?” Neil asked, “How did you two make up?” 

“You’ve heard of Jack Hodge?” Neil nodded. He remembered Allison bitching about him on the first day of classes. “He’s a colossal douchebag. First day of freshman year, we were looking at some bulletin board with extracurriculars at Nicky’s insistence. He walked by, saw twins, made a really fucked up comment I’d rather not repeat. He went to shove Aaron but I was too far away. Katelyn elbowed him in the dick and he went down.” 

“Damn.”

“That’s what I said too. We were cool after that. Katelyn and I have actually been friends longer than we weren’t. But everyone loves the story of the psycho twin who won’t let his brother date,” Andrew shrugged. 

Neil could tell that Andrew didn’t exactly like being painted the villain. He was keeping his promise and that was more honorable than it was villainous. Neil hated how Andrew shrugged and seemed almost unsure of himself. 

Neil placed his hand over Andrew’s, “The next time one of them calls you soulless, I’ll have to fight them.” 

Neil decided at that moment, he would never let another bad thing be said about Andrew, ever. 

~

Neil and Robin sat across each other in a small booth at the diner. It was the same diner Andrew had brought Neil on for their breakfast date the other day. 

The diner looked different in the afternoon than it did early in the morning. It was a bit calmer and nothing seemed as rushed. Neil ordered the same scrambled eggs as he did the last time he was here. Robin went the Andrew Minyard route and ordered chocolate chip pancakes with extra whipped cream. Neil quietly thought that Robin and Andrew would probably get along really well. He tucked that thought in his mind and decided he would eventually ask the two what they thought about officially meeting each other. 

“I’ve never had breakfast food in the afternoon before,” Robin said. 

“I hadn’t either but Andrew says that breakfast food is the best kind of food and it should be eaten for every meal.” 

Robin laughed, “You really like him don’t you?” 

Neil flushed, “It’s weird. I’ve never really had crushes before. I mean I was homeschooled and the only person I saw was my mom so that’d be weird if I did have a crush. But I didn’t even realize it was happening, you know? There was just something about Andrew. My mind kept going back to him and looking for excuses to talk to him. He makes me feel like myself. Like there’s this understanding between us. He knows all the bad parts of my past but he doesn’t care? Or, well, he cares. But he makes sure I know it doesn’t define me.” 

“That’s sweet, Neil. I’m happy for you.” 

Neil asked about what else Robin has been up to. Neil learned that Robin’s parents were a bit overprotective but were slowly starting to release their hold on her. Robin admitted that she had actually snuck out of the house to go to the party at Kevin’s house all those weeks ago. When Robin’s parents found out they were furious.

“But it sort of helped in a way. They realized that the tighter their hold on me, the more I was going to end up sneaking around and they’d rather at least be aware of where I am and what I’m doing than find out I snuck out of the house,” Robin explained. 

Neil could sort of relate. Before Palmetto, before Witness Protection, Neil’s mother wouldn’t let him out of her sight, but when they were supposedly “safe” Mary would let Neil hang out with Kevin because she knew if Neil saw other kids playing together he would want to be part of that. She let him have Kevin as a way to prevent him from ever wanting more. 

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” Neil said. “We should do this more. If I’m being a shitty friend, which I promise I will do my best to not be anymore, call me out on it again.” 

“If calling you out gets you to take me out for pancakes, I promise to do it a whole lot more.” 

Neil and Robin finished their meals and then Neil walked Robin home. He sat in his bed that night finishing his homework but being completely distracted. He wondered if he was unintentionally being a shitty friend to anyone else. He didn’t have much experience being a friend but that didn’t excuse him from not being a good one. 

He decided that tomorrow he was going to make more of an effort to get to know the people who took him in so willingly and kept going out of their way to be kind to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i live for the andrew + katelyn friendship and aaron trying to protect his brother just as much as andrew tries to protect him


	8. Being A Better Friend Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having lunch with Robin, Neil decides to go through his new group of friends and let them know how much he cares for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I'm so so so sorry this has taken forever. I ended up posting the chapters faster than I was writing them because I was too excited to share this with everyone. This chapter is mega long almost 8,000 words alone to make up for the drought of updates on this fic. I'm going to get better at updated ok, I have the whole fic outlined now so I just have to actually write the words now :) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

Neil was on a mission. He was incredibly grateful to Kevin and his friends, who were now also his friends, for accepting him as he was. It was only a little over a month into the school year but he knew that without this group, he would still be the boy who was scared to leave his home and couldn’t handle the most basic socializing. 

He was sitting in his homeroom, vaguely listening to Jeremy and Allison on the announcements, but mostly distracted by making sure he would be able to grab Matt before he left the classroom to go to his first class. 

“And don’t forget, Homecoming is next Friday! The school’s bookstore will be selling all school spirit merch for half price this week only!” Allison said on the television. “Looking toward the future, Palmetto’s annual Halloween Bash will be soon approaching. Anyone interested in helping out the planning committee please feel free to reach out to Nicky Hemmick, Laila Dermott, myself, or our newly elected Freshman class president Janie Smalls!” 

Neil had no idea who Janie Smalls was, but then again the only person he really hung out with in his own grade was Robin. At some point Neil would have to branch out to his own grade but he didn’t want to think about that yet. 

On the television, Jeremy finished off the announcements, “That’s all for today, Foxes! Have a good day!” 

The bell rang and Neil turned toward Matt before the older and taller boy could leave his seat, “Hey, Matt. I was wondering if you had plans after school today?” 

Matt smiled, brilliantly, and charmingly. “I have football practice, but after I was going to get frozen yogurt with Dan, Allison, and Renee. Want to come?” 

Neil nodded, “Yeah, I’d love to.” 

The rest of the day went by fast. Soon enough Neil was waiting with Allison and Renee by Allison’s convertible, waiting for Matt and Dan to arrive. 

“$20 they’re having a quickie in the locker room.” That was Allison, of course. 

Renee shook her head. “How would Dan get in the locker room with everyone else around?” 

“You pretend you need to talk to Coach about something and slowly wait until everyone else leaves so Matt can let her in.” 

“Sounds like you have experience,” Neil said. 

“Well, obviously. Seth’s house is gross and my parents would lose their shit if I brought him home.” 

“Because they don’t like Seth?” Neil asked. 

“Not exactly. They think he’s smart, which he is, but they know I’d choose him over them, they don’t like _that_.” 

Before Neil or Renee could comment, Matt and Dan came out of the building together and headed toward the car. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Dan apologized. “We got held up.” 

“Yeah, in each other's pants?” Allison asked. 

Matt’s smile was enough of an answer. “Told you,” Allison said. “You both owe me money.” 

“No one agreed to the bet!” Neil said. 

“I’ll buy your froyo, how about that?” Renee said, ever the people pleaser. 

Neil got in the back seat of Allison’s car while Dan got in Matt’s truck. Seniors and juniors were the only ones who were allowed to drive to school, so he still hadn’t figured out how Andrew got his car on campus as a sophomore or how Andrew was even legally allowed to drive, Neil didn’t think he was sixteen yet. Neil figured it was some kind of Betsy Dobson perk. 

The frozen yogurt place was in Palmetto’s downtown area. In the windows of the shop there was a poster advertising the high school’s upcoming Homecoming game. Neil got a small cup of strawberry frozen yogurt and put fresh strawberries on it as a topping. Renee paid for his and everyone else’s yogurt as well and Allison crowned her the froyo princess. 

“So,” Neil started, “How does Homecoming work?”

Allison smiled, “Neil, you beautiful baby fox.” 

“Homecoming is the last home game of the season for football. Everyone dresses in orange the whole day, there’s a pep rally, we get out of school early and then the game is around six. We honor the seniors, halftime is insane, and there’s a ton of food,” Matt explains. 

“And there’s usually a rager afterwards,” Allison adds. “This year it is being held at yours truly.” 

“Parents out of town?” Dan asks. 

“For three weeks. Which means I get the Homecoming party and the Halloween party.” Allison was very proud of the fact. Neil didn’t get party culture but he was happy for her. 

“Are these parties freshmen friendly?” Neil asked. 

“Not usually. But it’s my house so I’ll make an exception for you and your lady friend.” 

Neil smiled and thanked her. The conversation moved from Homecoming to more mundane high school things. Teachers that sucked, college deadlines, Allison’s personal vendetta against Jack Hodge. After Andrew told Neil about the incident that made him become friends with Katelyn, Neil had more reason to support Allison’s crusade. Renee asked Neil how he and Andrew were. 

“We’re good. It’s new, but it’s good. Really good,” Neil said. 

“I’m happy for you,” Renee smiled. “I think you two work well together.” 

Allison was convinced Neil’s relationship with Andrew meant that she won the bet about Neil’s sexuality and didn’t entirely understand when Neil tried to explain that just because he was with a boy didn’t mean he liked all boys. He just liked Andrew. Matt came to his rescue and went on a small rant about how Neil didn’t have to label himself if he didn’t want to. 

“Enough about me,” Neil said. Being a good friend meant that the conversation wasn’t always about him. “What about you all? All I hear are people in the halls complaining about college applications. And aren’t there usually scouts at football games?” 

“Yeah,” Matt replied. “There are usually scouts but they usually focus on the seniors a bit more. Next year’s going to be interesting though, with myself, Kevin _and_ Jean. I just hope I get a scholarship somewhere, but Kevin and Jean treat college as just an inconvenient stop before going professional.” 

“Do you want to go pro?” 

“Eh,” Matt shrugged. “If I end up being a choice in some future draft, I wouldn’t say no. But sometimes it feels like football is all I’m good at.” 

Neil found this ridiculous. Matt was one of the least selfish and genuine people he had ever met. Matt could do anything he wanted to. Neil told him as much, and then asked, “What would you do if you didn’t have to consider football?”

“This is going to sound dumb, but, my dad owns a gym and he taught me how to box. I’d want to be a boxing trainer for kids. Some kids have it really bad at home and this would be a place for them to be away from home, and also learn to defend themselves.” 

Renee smiled, “That’s not dumb. I think that’s very sweet of you, Matt.” 

Dan placed a hand over Matt’s in solidarity and both Neil and Allison offered him encouraging smiles. 

“Since we’re talking about future endeavors and all that, I should tell you all this now, but don’t make a big deal of it because I haven’t made any final decisions yet. I applied to the London College of Fashion. I’m still waiting to hear back, but it’s my first choice.” Allison seemed nervous about saying this and Neil was confused. 

“What’s wrong with that? That sounds amazing, they’d be lucky to have you.” 

“It’s just...it’s in London. I applied to FIT in New York City too, but London? That would be crazy. Could I really just pick up and move? I mean obviously I could...but…” Allison trailed off. 

“But....Seth?” Dan finished for her. 

Allison nodded. “But Seth.” She said it as a statement. “Don’t get it confused. I would never not take the London opportunity because of a man, but, I do love him you know? And I wouldn’t want him to think I was abandoning him. If he wanted to have a real conversation about us and the future and was willing to work with me and not expect me to just go along with whatever he wanted, I would.” 

Neil Josten would never not be amazed by Allison Reynolds. 

“I think I’m going to join the Peace Corps after graduation,” Renee offered. 

“You would.” Allison said. It wasn’t condescending but entirely full of fondness. “What about you, Dan?” 

“I’m looking into some schools for sports management. I think I’d be good at it. And who knows? Maybe I’ll end up managing the team that Kevin Day ends up on and I can get him back for all these years of being insufferable.” Dan laughs along with everyone else. 

They were all pretty much done with their froyo, besides Dan, who Neil learned was an extremely slow eater. There was a break in the conversation so Neil decided to speak. 

“I just want you all to know that I really appreciate how easily you accepted me into your group. For a really long time Kevin was my only friend, and I’m so grateful for each of you. You’ve helped me more than you know into becoming my own person. I consider you all to be some of my closest friends and I hope that I can be the kind of friend you deserve back.” 

Matt was sitting the closest to him and brought him in for a one armed hug, “Aw, buddy.” 

“Neil Josten, you are the cutest human alive. You’re going to make me cry.” Allison wrapped her arms around both him and Matt and motioned for Dan and Renee to join. 

“You’re the perfect friend, Neil. You do that by just being you,” Renee said. 

“We’re glad we could be part of your journey, Neil.” Dan kissed his forehead.

Neil knew that they were probably getting some weird stares from the rest of the customers in the store but he didn’t care. He felt at home with his friends and he meant every word he had said to them. 

~ 

It was a particularly warm day, and Neil had been on his way to the track to run. Andrew had told him during lunch that he had something he had to take care of during last period so he wouldn’t be joining him today. As he was walking he saw Seth and Thea sitting at one of the picnic tables. 

Neil had been having lunch with Thea on the weekends. She worked at a cafe in Palmetto and he would go there to do homework, and she would bring him some food and talk to him between customers. Neil had never really engaged with Seth besides the few times over the summer when Kevin was still trying to integrate him into the friend group, and Seth wasn’t exactly as friendly as the others, but he was important to Allison. Neil figured that if Seth was someone Allison deemed worthy of her time, then Neil would give him a chance. 

Seth was lying flat on the top of the picnic table, casually throwing a football up into the air and catching it, as Thea sat on the actual bench and was writing in a notebook. 

As Neil approached, Thea smiled while Seth looked indifferent. 

“Hi Neil. Where are you off to?” Thea asked him. 

Neil nodded his head toward the track. “I usually run on the track last period. What are you two up to?” 

“I’m asking Seth questions for his senior page in the yearbook. He’s being difficult.” 

“I am not,” Seth interjects. “I just don’t have all the answers right now.” 

Neil invited himself to sit down with them. Running could wait. 

“The question was ‘what do you want to do after graduation’,” Thea informs Neil. 

“Yeah and I don’t know. I haven’t had any meetings with scouts or anything like that. I don’t even know if any colleges are interested.” 

“That wasn’t the question though,” Neil said. Seth gave him a scathing look but Neil continued, “She asked you what you _wanted_ to do, not what you were exactly doing. Plus it’s only October, no one expects you to have a plan yet.” 

Seth didn’t say anything for a while. He just kept tossing the football up and down. Thea nudged his shoulder with her pen to get him to answer. 

“I want to play football, definitely. I wouldn’t mind being out of South Carolina...or even the south in general. Maybe New York. Or just upstate in that area. I’d even be okay with a division two school, honestly.” 

“What about…” Thea started hesitantly. “You know.” 

Seth just rolled his eyes. “You can say her name, Thea. I’m sure Neil’s heard all about it with how gossipy this whole group is.” 

“Allison?” Neil asked. “Have you talked to her about what happens after you graduate?” 

“We’ve had a conversation.” 

Thea scoffed. “You had a screaming match in the senior lounge. Not a conversation.” 

“She can do better than me,” Seth said. “I don’t want to hold her back.” 

Neil was surprised by Seth. He had always assumed Seth was just full of himself and that his fights with Allison were because he was incapable of not being an asshole. Neil never would have thought that their fights actually stemmed from Seth wanting what’s best for Allison. Neil wouldn’t have thought that Seth would let Allison go just because he didn’t want to hold her back. 

“Well, yeah,” Neil said. “Obviously she could do better than you. But she wants you. Doesn’t that count for something?” 

“I know she applied to that school in London. I don’t want her not to take that opportunity when she gets in because of me.” 

“As if Allison Reynolds would ever base her future around a boy. A complete ass of a boy, no less,” Neil huffed. “Can I tell you a secret?” 

Seth nodded. 

“The last time Allison mentioned future plans, she said she wanted to figure out how you two would work after graduation if you had a real conversation with her.” 

“A real conversation,” Seth scoffed. He stopped throwing his ball and sat up on the top of the table with his legs crossed. He looked younger, Neil thought. Less like the angry boy who picked fights every lunch period, and more like someone who was just confused and scared for the future. “What would I even say? ‘Hey, Allison, I’m fucking terrified of losing you because you’re the best thing that’s every happened to me. I really want to play football professionally but if you asked me to pick a shitty school that was closer to you I would’?” 

“Yeah, that actually sounds really good,” Neil said. 

Seth shook his head. “I don’t deserve Allison and a good school.” 

“Seth, I think you deserve a lot more than you think you do. You love Allison. You’re both grossly in love with each other and you both make me want to puke constantly with all your passion for each other in the hallways. You should tell her what you just said.” Neil found himself believing every word he just said. 

Seth didn’t say anything for a while. He just stayed seated, tapping his fingers on the football. 

“Before I came out here I saw Allison and Renee by the senior lounge. They’re probably still there,” Neil encouraged. 

Seth nodded but made no effort to move. Thea poked his leg with her pen. “Alright. Fine. Fuck it. If I get dumped I’m going to beat your ass, Josten.” 

“I can take you.” Neil wasn’t entirely confident that was true but tried to not let that show in his tone. 

Seth left, on his way to hopefully have an adult conversation with Allison and Neil was feeling proud. 

“That was nice of you,” Thea said. 

“I’m feeling helpful lately.” Neil shrugged. “What about you? You and Kevin have that conversation yet?” 

Thea shook her head. “There’s no conversation to have. We’re not together.” 

“You’re not?” 

“Not officially, anyway. I feel like I’ve been waiting for Kevin Day since I met him. He doesn’t want to commit. I won’t be that girl who waits for him forever. I’m graduating in June and wherever I end up will be decided without consideration for him.” 

“You’re right.” Thea seemed surprised Neil was agreeing with him so he elaborated. “Kevin’s my best friend but he’s a certified moron. You shouldn’t have to wait for him. You deserve better.” 

Thea smiled. “Thanks, Neil.” 

Neil skipped his run completely and instead stayed at the picnic table talking to Thea about the other senior highlights in the yearbook and the posters she was making with Allison and Dan for the Homecoming game. 

Neil wondered if he and Andrew would ever have to have a conversation about what happens after graduation. Right now, Neil knew with every part of his soul that he would do whatever he could to make sure he and Andrew could stay together. 

~ 

Neil sat at the counter of the diner trying to write a lab report for his biology class. Katelyn had given him her old labs from the previous year so it was going fairly quickly. Thea had just finished her shift and had split a milkshake with Neil before she left. Neil was slowly eating a plate of fries that were now slightly cold when he looked over and saw Jeremy, Laila, and Sara walk in. 

Laila was the first to spot Neil. “Neil! Hey! What are you up to?” 

“Lab report.” 

“Want to come sit with us? We’re probably going to be doing homework too.” 

Neil looked over to where Sara and Jeremy were already sitting in a booth. Sara had a math textbook out that she was staring daggers out and Jeremy was just staring out the window. 

“Sure. I’d love to.” Neil never really interacted with the three of them together but he knew they had their own mini friend group outside of the larger group similar to how the upperclassman hung out a lot by themselves. 

“I’ve brought a guest!” Laila told the table as she took her seat next to Sara. 

“Neil! Here’s some unsolicited life advice for you: do not take advanced calculus. When you become a junior, they will ask you if you want to take calculus or advanced calculus. You may think ‘oh well I got a really good grade in pre-calculus so advanced calculus will be easy!’. It won’t. It’s not. I’m dying.” Neil has learned from overhearing conversations that Sara was probably more dramatic than Nicky was, and she was always ‘dying’ at any kind of inconvenience. 

“I actually really like math,” Neil said. 

Sara just shook her head. “You’re a monster among men, Neil.” 

The table bounced conversations around from plans for Homecoming, the ranking of various pizza toppings, and Halloween costume ideas. Neil noticed Jeremy was uncharacteristically quiet the entire time. Sara spoke enough for three people, but Neil couldn’t help but wonder what had the usually chatty boy sitting in silence. Jeremy had a book in front of him that he was supposed to be reading, but every now and then Neil caught him looking over at his cell phone, and then when no notifications popped up, looking out the window before going back to his book.

“Jeremy,” Laila interrupted his routine. “If you want to call him, you should call him.” 

“Everything okay?” Neil asked. 

Jeremy shared a look with Laila and Sara before deciding that he wasn’t going to answer the question. Laila gave him a disappointed look back before explaining to Neil, “He’s in a disagreement with Jean and he’s afraid you’ll report back to him.” 

“What the hell, Laila?” Jeremy spoke for the first time. “Neil, really, it’s not like that. Yes, Jean and I are sort of fighting. I just don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position because I know you’re close to him.” 

“I don’t mind,” Neil said. “You’re my friend too. I wouldn’t choose sides that easily. If you want to talk about it, talk away.” 

“It’s not even really a fight,” Jeremy said. Apparently the boy just needed to be told to talk once. “We were talking about Homecoming and I mentioned how Dan, Allison and Nicky were planning on wearing Matt, Seth, and Erik’s practice jerseys the day of. I asked if that’s something he would want me to do. We’re obviously not as PDA as Nicky and Erik are but we’ve always been out you know? Our relationship isn’t a secret at school or at home but he didn’t really answer and now things feel weird. I don’t know how to fix it.” 

“I don’t think it’s that deep Jer,” Laila said. “Jean’s always been as blunt as possible. If he didn’t want you to wear his jersey, he would say so.” 

“He didn’t say he wanted me to wear it either though.” 

“So ask him again,” Neil said. Jeremy gave him an incredulous look. “He didn’t give you an answer. Tell him you want an answer. Do you want to just sit here not knowing?” 

“I mean no but I guess I never really considered that asking again was an option. I don’t want to be annoying.” 

“Jeremy, you are one of the most annoying people I know and I mean that in the best way possible,” Sara said. 

Jeremy retaliated by throwing a straw wrapper at her. “Okay, okay. Thanks Neil, sometimes you just need someone to tell you the obvious.” 

“It’s actually a Trojan rite of passage to give Jeremy advice by stating the obvious. You’re an honorary member now, Neil,” Laila said. 

“Trojan?” Neil asked. 

“Oh, yeah.” Jeremy explained, “That’s what the three of us call our little group. When we were younger like in elementary school we were on the same little league team for baseball and we were on the Trojans. Then back in middle school we got grouped together in a history class to do a presentation on the Trojan War. We figured it was fate. We decided to steal the name. Kind of silly I guess.” 

Fate was something Neil had not ever considered. He didn’t think he really believed in fate. He believed in choice and consequences for actions. He thought that was why he and Andrew worked so well. They both believed in choice. But at the same time, he wouldn't deny that he felt that he was _supposed_ to meet Andrew. There was some part of him that knew deep down that Andrew was supposed to be in his life. 

“I don’t think that’s silly.” Neil meant it. “I am honored to be a Trojan for a day.” 

The conversation got lighter after that. 

“Neil I definitely think that you could be a cheerleader. You have the legs for it,” Sara said. 

“Those splits look like they would kill me,” Neil replied. 

“Nah, you get used to them. You’d kill it in orange booty shorts.” 

Neil just shook his head and laughed. There were a few guys on the cheerleading team already so it wasn’t totally out there for him to try out. He didn’t think that cheerleading was for him but he appreciated the encouragement from Sara. 

“Ugh, I have to go,” Laila started packing up her things. “I have to meet Nicky, Allison and Janie to start talking about Halloween. Can I count on anyone from this table to be at the planning committee meeting after school next Monday?” 

“Nope!” Sara was very cheerful with her dismissal. “Monday is the first time I get a break from cheerleading since Homecoming will be over. I’m going straight home and straight to bed.” 

“At 4:00pm?” Neil asked. 

“Neil, you can never get too much sleep.” 

“I don’t think that’s actually true but alright.” Laila left after that comment. Neil felt Jeremy kick Sara from under the table. 

“You don’t want to spend more time with her?” 

“Can’t commit just yet. I’m officially asking her out Saturday after Homecoming. If she says no then I have to spend the rest of the weekend preparing myself to move out of the country.” 

“You’re very dramatic,” Neil said. “She’ll say yes. She wasn’t really asking Jeremy or myself to join the planning committee. She was asking you.” 

“No way.” 

“Uh,” Jeremy laughed. “Yes, way.” 

“I feel fooled.” 

Neil, Jeremy and Sara ended up sitting there for a lot longer after Laila left. Neil was surprised with how easy it was to talk to them. They both had these happy about life attitudes that Neil wasn’t used to but didn’t entirely hate. He didn’t even realize how much time had passed before Jeremy said that it was getting really late. Jeremy and Sara dropped Neil off back home even though he could have easily walked home. That night when he went to bed he was stuck thinking about fate versus choice. All his friends chose to accept him just as he chose to accept them back, but he would be a liar if he didn’t admit that he was silently grateful to the higher powers that gave him Palmetto and in turn all the extraordinary people he’s met. 

~ 

“The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.” 

“While true, I’m fairly confident you’re going to need to know more than that to pass this bio test.” 

Neil sat in the library during lunch with Katelyn, Aaron and Marissa. They were helping him to study for his biology exam he had next period. Katelyn was actually helpful because she helped out in his class. Marissa was a little quieter, Neil had found out from Nicky the other day that Marissa had a crush on him and she was silently trying to get over the fact that he was with Andrew. Neil had thought that was weird since he never really ever spoke to Marissa so how could she have a crush on him, but whatever. Aaron would insert a comment every now and then. 

Neil was sort of happy that Aaron was there. He wanted to get on the good side of Aaron since he was now together with Andrew. He knew that Aaron was very protective of Andrew, and he wanted to make sure the other twin knew that he was all in for Andrew. He would never do anything to hurt him. 

“Okay, next question. A single piece of coiled DNA is known as what?” Katelyn asked. 

“Chromosomes.” 

“A change of the DNA in an organism that results in a new trait is known as what?” 

“A mutation.” 

“Okay, Neil, you’re going to be fine. These flashcards are giving me a headache now, though. Let’s take a break.” Katelyn said. 

“Don’t you want to go into the medical field? How is biology giving you a headache?” Neil laughed. He found himself surprisingly fond of Katelyn. Especially after Andrew told him how he was also fond of her, Neil felt less like liking Katelyn was choosing sides. 

“That’s future Katelyn. Present Katelyn wants to go downstairs and get a giant plate of french fries.” 

“That’s a good idea. Why don’t you and I go grab some food from downstairs and bring it back up?” Marissa suggested. 

“Sure. We’ll bring you both back some, too.” Katelyn kissed Aaron on the cheek and then she and Marissa left. 

Neil and Aaron were quiet at the table. Neil thought he should say something but he wasn’t sure where to begin. He’d never been one on one with Aaron. There was always Andrew or Nicky to act as a buffer and carry the conversation. 

“Alright,” Aaron breaks the silence. “Let’s get this over with.” 

“Is this a shovel talk?” Neil couldn’t help but be kind of excited. He’s seen a lot of shovel talks in movies. This was another normal teen experience he was finally getting to go through. 

“Well now I don’t want it to be,” Aaron said. “You seem too happy about it and I’d rather not contribute to your happiness.” 

“No, no. Go ahead. Say your bit. I’ll pretend to be distressed and intimidated.” 

Aaron shook his head at Neil but continued on anyway, “We’ll keep this straight and simple. Andrew is my brother. He seems tough but he has feelings just like everyone else. People seem to think he’s incapable of being hurt but I know first hand how untrue that is. Everyone else is worried that he’s going to hurt you, but I know better. I’m watching you. Do not break my brother’s heart.” 

Aaron’s own hazel eyes burned with sincerity. They were a slightly different shade than Andrew’s, but the average person wouldn’t notice that. Neil thought that maybe Katelyn could confirm the different shades. 

“I won’t.” Neil was sure of it. How could he? “I promise. I won’t.” 

“You better keep that promise.” 

“I will.” 

Aaron gave him a short and curt nod, indicating that he believed Neil’s word. Katelyn and Marissa came back with four helpings of fries and the four continued to go through Neil’s flashcards for the remainder of the lunch period. 

Neil felt hopeful now that he sort of had some variation of Aaron’s blessing. He knew realistically that Aaron’s opinion of him wouldn’t really affect how he felt about Andrew or if he stayed with Andrew, but he was happier now that it wasn’t something he had to worry about. He and Andrew could just be together and be themselves and Neil would hopefully not get singled out in any future games of kickball. 

~ 

“I can’t believe Aaron gave you a shovel talk in the middle of the library and I missed it. How dare he not do it during lunch for everyone to hear. Do you want a shovel talk from me, Neil?” 

Neil handed Nicky another Homecoming flyer to be tacked up on one of the many bulletin boards at school. “No thanks, Nicky.” 

Neil and Erik were helping Nicky hang a bunch of flyers up around the school to promote the Homecoming game. Neil was on flyer duty which meant he just handed Nicky the flyers and Nicky got distracted by Erik before actually posting the flyers. 

“Alright. Well just so you know my shovel talk would’ve been way better than Aaron’s was.” 

“Of course it would’ve, babe.” Erik leaned over to kiss Nicky on the cheek before holding a flyer for Nicky to tack. 

“No one wants to see that shit. Get a room.” 

Neil watched as Nicky shrunk down, completely unlike his usual bubbly self. Jack Hodge was someone Neil never had the displeasure of interacting with. He’s heard of Allison’s extreme dislike of him, and he knew he made some fucked up comments in the past about the twins. Neil should’ve known that homophobia was something this asshole also possessed. 

“Fuck off, Jack. Not our fault nobody wants to touch you so you have to be rude to those happy and in love.” Erik wraps an arm around Nicky and faces off with Jack. Nicky seems uncomfortable and it hits Neil in that moment. 

Nicky, Erik, Andrew, Jeremy, Jean, Sara, Laila, and hell, even himself. There will always be people like Jack who can’t stand people for something they cannot change about themselves. Nicky can’t go home and take the fact that he likes boys off like taking off a jacket. None of them can. 

Jack was red in the face. “No one wants to see your gross gay shit. Keep it out of the hallways.” 

Neil took a step forward and took one of Nicky’s hands in his. Nicky seemed shocked by the gesture but he didn’t let go. 

“You know I get it,” Neil started. “Erik’s right. You must be so sad in your own pathetic life that you have to constantly pick fights with people who are happy. As if it’s their fault you’re an unlikeable fuck. Maybe if you put the same amount of energy into educating yourself as you put into trying to spread misery you’d find yourself a lot happier. But since I highly doubt you possess the brain capacity to unlearn your own prejudices I suggest you kindly fuck off and leave my friends alone.” 

There was a bit of a crowd in the hallway now. Everyone was stone still waiting to see how Jack would react. It was the week of Homecoming so if he got into a physical altercation he wouldn’t be allowed to play. Neil almost hoped Jack would hit him just for that reason. 

“Who the fuck are you? Another one of them?” 

“Another one of them?” Neil scoffed. “You’re never going to change. You’re always going to be a piece of shit who gets off on trying to make others suffer. Why don’t you just walk away now before this gets even more embarrassing for you?” 

Jack looked like he was going to open his mouth again but a teacher came out at that point and asked what exactly was going on here. Jack shrugged it off and left, leaving Nicky, Erik and Neil alone in the hallway. 

“You didn’t have to do that, Neil,” Nicky said. He was quieter than usual and Neil found that he would do whatever he could to make sure Nicky’s spirit was never crushed again. 

“Of course I did. That’s what friends are for.” 

~ 

“I suppose I should thank you.” Jean flopped onto the ground next to Neil. Currently, they were hiding under the bleachers at the football field. Neil was supposed to be in Biology right now but he had finished his test early (thanks to Katelyn and Aaron’s tireless efforts helping him study) so he got to leave. 

When he walked out of the classroom he caught Jean in the hallway. Jean had glanced over at him, said “let’s go”, and then continued walking. Neil didn’t even question the older boy. He just followed him out to the football field and then under the bleachers. Neil had been sitting for 10 minutes, watching Jean pace and smoke a cigarette before he finally sat. 

“What for?” Neil asked. 

“Laila said you were the one to state the obvious to Jeremy this time around. Sometimes that happens. His question had just caught me off guard and by the time I had an answer too much time had passed. I didn’t want to bring it up in case he had changed his mind. So thank you for getting him to ask me again.” 

Neil shrugged. “You’re both morons. I bet half your fights or disagreements wouldn’t even happen if you both weren’t so stubborn.” 

“You’re probably right.” 

“Are you nervous for Homecoming?” 

“Nah. It’s more important for the seniors honestly. Next year I’ll be stressed beyond belief but this is the last year I can enjoy playing just because I like to and not because I’m looking to be scouted.” 

“Where would you want to end up? If it were up to you, I mean.” Neil asked. 

“California, maybe. I know that’s where Jeremy wants to go.” 

“Do you think there will be any scouts for Seth at the game?” 

Jean fiddled with his shoelace. “Probably. It won’t be Alabama or Ohio or anyone like that but he doesn’t seem to care about where he gets an offer from. He just wants an offer.” 

Neil hummed at that. He wasn’t going to mention to Jean about how Seth said he would go anywhere to be closer to Allison. It seemed too private. 

Neil found that out of all of his friends, Jean was one that he was closer to. Obviously Kevin and Andrew were first, though Andrew was slightly ahead of Kevin thanks to the kisses. But Jean up there with them. 

Jean lied back against the dying grass. “Do you ever think of what might have happened if your mom didn’t get you both into Witness Protection?” 

Jean, along with Kevin and Andrew, was one of the few people who knew the truth about Neil’s life before high school. 

“All the time. If we kept running would my dad have ever caught up to us? Where would I be right now? Dead, probably.” 

“I think the same way. I was incredibly lucky that the organization I got sold to had a mole. If they weren’t disbanded I was going to be the property of some spoiled shit kid. How fucked is that?”

“I can’t imagine what that would’ve been like,” Neil offers. 

“It’s weird. My time there was so short, right? There wasn’t enough time for me to really get abused or anything so I feel like I don’t have a right to feel so sick about it but the thought that I was so close to being an object and not a person has always stayed with me.”

“I don’t think it’s fair to compare trauma. I mean, just because someone may have it worse, doesn’t mean your own trauma and feelings aren’t valid. If I sprained my wrist, should I not be in pain because someone else broke their wrist?” 

“That was...unexpectedly wise.” Jean sat up. “You sure you don’t have the spirit of Uncle Iroh in you?” 

“I have no idea what that even means.” 

“What! You’ve never seen Avatar: The Last Airbender?” Jean asked, incredulous. 

“No...should I have seen it?” 

“Um. Yes. Neil, I’m such a good friend I’m going to do you a huge favor, you ready?” Jean stood up and held out a hand for Neil to take. When Neil was to his feet Jean wrapped an arm around Neil’s smaller shoulders. “I’m not going to tell Matt about your sin of not seeing Avatar: The Last Airbender. Instead, sometime after Homecoming we’re going to take over Kevin’s ridiculously huge TV he has in his room, binge watch the series and then you’re going to make a reference at lunch. Everyone will be blown away.” 

Neil rolled his eyes. Neil had in fact watched a lot of television since being homeschooled, but he somehow missed all these shows that Matt and Nicky consider cult classics. When it was revealed he had never seen Drake & Josh, Nicky brought his laptop to lunch and made Neil watch an episode while everyone else chatted and went about their day. Andrew had put in an earbud as an act of solidarity so it wasn’t as terrible as it could’ve been. 

“Oh wow,” Neil fake swooned. “My hero, Jean Moreau.” 

“You’re such a little shit.” Jean laughed as the bell that indicated the period was over rang. “Alright, let’s go to French class now and make Kevin feel bad that we were bonding without him.” 

~ 

Jean had been right. When Neil and Jean walked into French class together and told Kevin they’d been hanging out, Kevin immediately invited Neil to come over to his house after practice and made it clear that Jean was not invited. Jean had been a good sport about it and just rolled his eyes at Kevin. 

Neil saw from his bedroom window when Kevin’s car pulled into the driveway. He left his own house and met Kevin at his car. 

“Here, take this bag. I got snacks.” 

Neil took the bag and peaked in to find pretzels, and various chips that all happened to be Neil’s favorite. “Is this a bribe?” 

Kevin would never buy these kinds of snacks for himself. “No way. Just getting some snacks for my best friend Neil.” 

Neil rolled his eyes but followed Kevin into his house. When they walked in Neil was immediately hit by a garlicky smell. 

“Kevin? Is that you?” 

“Neil’s here too!” Kevin called out. 

Kevin’s step mother, Abby, walked out of the kitchen wearing a bright orange apron. “I’m making pasta and garlic bread. You staying for dinner, Neil?” 

“Of course.” 

Abby smiled at him. Neil wasn’t always comfortable with Abby’s motherlike tendencies but he appreciated that she respected his boundaries and never acts without making sure he’s okay with it. 

“Good. David will be home later. I’ll call you both when everything’s ready!”

“Thanks, Abby.” Neil had never heard Kevin refer to Abby as anything but her real name, but he didn’t think Abby really minded. Kevin was really young when his mother passed. Young enough that if the people around him told him to refer to Abby as his mom, he would have. But David and Abby had been adamant on the fact that Kevin would always have memories of his mom. 

Up in Kevin’s room, Kevin took a seat on the floor and told Neil to dump the snack bag on the floor as well. “I can’t believe Homecoming is in two days. September went by so fast. And look at you!” Kevin nudged his leg with his own foot. “I can’t even believe you're the same person who sat in my room the day before school started and asked me to kiss you because you were afraid of going to a public school unkissed.” 

“I admit, that was a lapse in judgement. I would’ve lived in extreme regret if you ended up being my first kiss,” Neil joked. 

Kevin shook his head, incredulous. “I really can’t believe you. We spent a whole summer easing you into being around more than one person at a time, mapped out a route for you at school, and now you sit here, in my own home, insulting me.” 

Neil felt although Kevin was going about it in a joking way, he was being serious about noticing Neil’s growth over the last month. 

“You know it’s all thanks to you,” Neil said. “You were my first friend, and you didn’t have to take the weird homeschooled kid under your wing, but you did. You went out of your way constantly to make me feel comfortable, you introduced me to an amazing group of people, and you’ve been there for me the whole time. Before we officially met, I used to sit in my room and look outside my window and see you playing in your yard with all your friends. I was so jealous. I wanted to be part of it more than anything. One year, my mom actually got me a cake for my birthday, and she sang me happy birthday and then she took a lighter, held it up and told me to make a wish. I wished for you.” 

Neil said all this with his eyes stuck on the bags of chips on the ground. He had never been an emotional person, but this past week, hanging out with all his friends has him feeling a lot more vulnerable than he’d normally be comfortable with. 

“Neil--” 

“You’re my best friend,” Neil interrupted. “You mean a lot to me, I really couldn’t have done this without you. I don’t know how I can ever thank you, Kevin.” 

When Neil looked up he noticed Kevin’s green eyes had a shiny gleam to them. Neil felt a bit of dampness on his own face, and thought his eyes probably looked similar. Neil wiped his own eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“I didn’t mean to cry, this is embarrassing.” 

“It’s okay,” Kevin said. “I’m crying too. Bring it in, Neil.” 

Kevin reached forward and dragged Neil into his own embrace. Neil hadn’t gone further with anyone besides Andrew of just casual and platonic touch. A pat on the shoulder, maybe a group hug every now and then but this felt different. This was years of friendship and appreciation and thankfulness all in one hug. Neil figured that within Kevin’s arms was a place he would never feel unsafe. 

“You’re my best friend too, you know that? I’ve always felt like you were like my long lost little brother or something. You mean a lot to me too. I’m really proud of you, Neil.” 

Pride was not something Neil was familiar with. He never brought home a well scored project and had his mom hang it on the fridge. He never caught his first baseball with his dad and had him cheer him on. He never did anything he thought warranted someone being proud of him for. Yet here he was, with his best friend in an embrace full of hope. He felt powerful in thinking he could make Kevin proud, and he wanted to do it more often. 

Their hug was interrupted by Abby knocking on the door and peeking in, “You boys ready for dinner or you want to cry a little bit more?” 

Kevin broke away from Neil and laughed. “I can’t believe you just joked about our heart to heart. You of all people.” 

“I like to keep you on your toes. Do the unexpected, that kind of thing.”

“Ridiculous. Alright, let’s go eat your terrible garlic bread.” 

Abby and Kevin continued to bicker down the stairs as Neil followed. Sitting at the dining room table, Neil looked over to his own house which was dark. No lights on and no cars in the driveway. 

_That’s my house, but it’s not my home._ Neil thought that a lot. Home didn’t have to be a place. 

Home was with Kevin, eating burnt garlic bread. Home was with Andrew, at the top of the world on the roof, looking over a city, inhaling cigarette smoke, trading truths and kisses. 

~

“You’ve had quite the two weeks.” 

Andrew was lying next to Neil on a crappy throw blanket they stole from the senior lounge at school. They were at the top of the old abandoned building that they had traded their first truths. 

Andrew had put out his cigarette a few minutes ago but there was still the lingering scent of smoke in the air. They were lying shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the fading sky, with their pinkies interlocked between them. 

“Robin inspired me. You should meet her, by the way. She likes to drown her pancakes in syrup and whipped cream, too.” 

“A girl with good taste.” 

Neil laughed. “I spent so long just assuming I’d never fit in that I didn’t realize when I did. I was still just convinced that this was all a practical joke.” 

“Did your week of friendship help?” 

Neil ignored the teasing in Andrew’s tone. “It did. I didn’t realize how close I had become with some people. There’s still one more person I have left, though.” 

“Oh?” 

Neil sat up and crossed his legs. Andrew followed him up and copied the position with raised eyebrows. 

“I have something for you.” Neil pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. On it he wrote down every truth he ever told Andrew. He had to write really small because there were so many. 

“You’re crazy,” Andrew said when he got to the bottom of the page. 

Neil shrugged. “I feel like you’re kind of into that.” 

“I am.” Andrew surged forward and grabbed the back of Neil’s neck with his hands, the crumbled paper scratching at Neil’s skin, and pulled him into a kiss. 

When they broke apart, Neil breathed out Andrew’s name before speaking again. “I wanted to show you how much I trust you. I’ve never told anyone as many true things about myself as I’ve told you. I want to keep telling you more, if you’ll let me. This, us? It’s a yes for me, until you say no.” 

Andrew brought their faces closer together again but not kissing yet. The sun was setting and Neil could still feel some of the heat from it on the side of his face. He opened his eyes and saw Andrew’s hazel ones looking back at him already. 

“Andrew? Yes or no?” 

“Yes.” 

Neil pushed his own face forward, connecting his lips with Andrew’s. 

This was Neil’s life, and it was so very real. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil experiences Homecoming :)

The day of Homecoming was finally here and all of Palmetto was collectively losing their shit. Classes were impossible, no one was paying attention to anything. The whole school looked like someone puked solid orange all over everything. Streamers lined the halls, each locker had a magnetic paw print attached to it, and orange pom poms scattered all over the place. Neil was excited to be part of it. 

Since Thea and Kevin were on hold for now, Neil took it upon himself to wear Kevin’s jersey, much like Nicky was wearing Erik’s, Allison was wearing Seth’s, Dan was wearing Matt’s, and Jeremy was wearing Jeans. Andrew was not impressed, and has been sending him very pointed glares all lunch. Andrew’s own spirit consisted of wearing a black sweatshirt with the smallest orange fox prints on each sleeve by the wrist, and a fox ear headband that Renee insisted he wore. Neil would never say it outloud because Andrew would probably stab him but he looked cute as fuck. 

All the football players were wearing their new orange letterman jackets that were specially ordered for this year's Homecoming. Even Neil admitted they all looked clean and crisp. For the first time at the lunch table, almost no one was sitting at their unassigned-assigned seats. Kevin, Jean, Matt, Erik, and Seth were all sitting together, high on school spirit and all the “good luck” they’ve been getting all day from people they’ve never spoken to before. 

At the other table was Dan, Allison, Nicky, Jeremy, and Laila who were all putting the finishing touches on the posters they were going to hold at the game tonight. Jeremy wasn’t actually helping. Allison banned him after he asked if “all this glitter was necessary”, so instead he just sat at the table making fortune teller with the leftover scraps of paper. 

The last table had Neil, Andrew, Aaron, Renee, and Thea who were the only ones treating today like any other normal day despite the fact that they were dressed in spirited attire. Aaron was impatiently tapping his fingers on the table, waiting for the cheerleaders lunch performance to begin. Nicky never let him forget that they missed the performance on the first day of school so today they had actually been the first to arrive. 

“Oh shit, it’s happening!” Nicky stood on his chair and began to blow into an orange noisemaker as the cheerleaders entered the lunchroom in their orange skirts and pom poms. 

The music started up and Neil watched as he saw his friends- Sara, Marissa, Katelyn  _ and  _ Robin- fly around the cafeteria, doing cartwheels, splits, and getting everyone hyped up. At one point even Neil was clapping along, clapping even louder when he noticed Andrew rolling his eyes at him. When the routine was over, the girls stopped by quickly to say hello to everyone but they weren’t allowed to eat lunch with everyone today because they had to set up the football field for the pep rally. 

Robin came over with Katelyn to Neil’s table and gave him a hug that he was surprisingly accepting of. Neil quickly introduced her to Andrew and was immensely pleased when Andrew complimented her performance. His heart got all types of warm at one of his closest friends and his boyfriend getting along. 

When the cheerleaders left the lunchroom there was still a buzz of energy in the atmosphere. Everyone was anxiously waiting for the bell to ring and for the rest of the day to pass so that the pep rally could start. Neil was feeling the same buzz as everyone else, he couldn’t even fathom paying attention in biology next period. Neil thought he would, at some point, have to start going to these committee meetings Allison is always talking about so he can demand that the school cancels all classes on the day of Homecoming. 

~ 

Neil walked out to the bleachers by the football field with Andrew. Aaron and Nicky trailed behind them having their own conversation. 

“Your enthusiasm is ridiculous,” Andrew said. 

“I’ve never done anything like this! It’s fun. Aren’t you having fun?” 

“I enjoy watching you have fun.” Andrew looked away, probably embarrassed by voicing so much affection. He looked back toward his family and then reached out for Neil’s hand. 

Neil knew better than to comment on it so instead he just squeezed Andrew’s hand in appreciation for the gesture. 

When they reached the bleachers, Neil saw Renee waving them over. They climbed to the very top of the stairs and shuffled into the seats that were saved for them. Allison and Jeremy were up in the announcers booth getting ready to start the pep rally but the door was on the side where Neil and his friends were sitting. Neil gave a quick wave to the both of them before taking one of the noisemakers Nicky was handing out to everyone. 

“Nice jersey, Neil.” Thea laughed, realizing for the first time he was wearing Kevin’s. She was being a good sport about the fact that Kevin had not explicitly asked her to wear his. 

Andrew turned his head to speak to the older girl, “Don’t mention it.” 

Thea continued to laugh and Neil joined it, poking Andrew lightly on the cheek to get his attention. 

“Hey. If I join the track team in spring, would you wear something with my name on it?” Neil asked.

“Not if it’s orange.” Neil knew that the track uniforms were white. Neil was pretty sure Andrew knew too. 

Before Neil could point that out, Palmetto’s marching band began to play. The crowd began to cheer and Neil heard some other students specifically call out to their friends. 

“Happy Homecoming Foxes!” Jeremy yelled through the microphone. Neil was grateful for the fact that although they were right near the announcers booth, the speakers were not right on top of them. 

“Thank you to the Palmetto marching band for that lovely introduction to the start of this year’s pep rally! Next up we ask that you all give your loudest claps and stomps for Palmetto’s favorite cheerleaders! The Vixens!” 

Aaron, Laila and Nicky stand up and start screaming and clapping like crazy as the first beats of the electronic cheerleading music begins to play on the speakers. Neil joins them in standing when he watches Robin run out to the field and get into her position. 

Cheerleading in the cafeteria is very different from cheerleading on a football field that has no ceiling. Neil watches in amazement as Robin gets held up by three other cheerleaders and proceeds to get tossed into the air. When the routine is over everyone claps and cheers. The cheerleaders wave to everyone as they walk off the field. 

“Want to see more of them? The Homecoming game starts at 7:00pm right here on this field! The Vixens will be performing a brand new routine during the halftime show!” Allison announces. 

“Also during the halftime show,” Jeremy adds, “Class presidents Nicky Hemmick, Laila Dermott, and Janie Smalls will be presenting the crowns for this year's Homecoming King and Queen!” 

“Now! Let’s introduce the team!” Allison yells. 

Everyone in the stands starts stomping their feet against the metal of the bleachers. Allison and Jeremy take turns reading through the roster. They start with the freshmen who get an average amount of applause. Most of the claps come from other groups of freshmen in the stands. Neil doesn’t recognize anyone’s name. Then they get to the sophomores, whose applause has a little more feeling to them. After each name, the players run out to the field, decked out completely in their uniforms, minus the helmets. 

“And now the juniors!” Allison exclaims. “First up, Matthew Boyd!” Screams. Mostly from Dan and Renee. Neil yells too. 

Jeremy continues, “Erik Klose!” Neil’s pretty sure Nicky ripped his vocal chords out screaming. Aaron and Andrew stand up and clap too which Neil assumes everyone else in the group found surprising, but Neil knows the Minyards better than that. 

A few more names are called before Jeremy attempts and fails to hide his pride and favoritism calling out, “Jean Moreau!” Neil watches as a group of freshman girls sitting in front of him absolutely lose their minds as Jean runs across the field. Neil will have to tease Jean later about his fan club. 

“And finishing it off for the juniors, last, but certainly not least, your quarterback, Kevin Day!” Neil wouldn’t be able to begin to explain what happened when Kevin’s name was called. The cheers were so unbelievably loud, and Neil was overwhelmed with pride and happiness for his best friend. 

“Alright, alright. And now, Palmetto, your seniors.” 

The marching band began to play a new more somber song. Each senior was called out and was met on the field with the team's coach and some family members. Students from the yearbook took photos of each senior shaking hands with their coach and hugging siblings, parents, parental figures, family friends. 

When Jack Hodge’s name was called, Neil laughed as Thea and Dan made no subtle efforts to boo. Neil watched as he was met in the middle of the field with his family. There was a little girl wearing a too big jersey with his name on it and Neil figured it was his younger sibling. Neil thought it was such a shame that she was related to such a colossal shitbag. 

Jeremy called out Seth’s name and at first it looked as though there was no one on the field to meet him. Then Neil heard the announcers booth door slam shut and Allison was pushing through people, running down the bleachers and out onto the field. She leaped at Seth and wrapped her legs around him as he caught her. Neil heard the crowd let out a bunch of “Aw’s”, including Jeremy’s right into the microphone. 

After pictures were taken of the whole team, the marching band led the crowd into a final play of the school’s song, and Jeremy and Allison gave everyone final reminders of times and rules for the game tonight. There were about four hours until the game began when the pep rally was over. The cheerleaders and football players were required to stay at the school until the game. 

Neil and his friends stayed up in the bleachers and waited for the crowd to die down before deciding what they were going to do. Jeremy and Allison joined them and Allison suggested they go somewhere to get wasted before the game since she and Jeremy didn’t have to cover the actual game. Nicky offered to host everyone at his house for a quick pre-game but one look from Aaron and Andrew had that idea flushed down the toilet. 

“We can go to my house?” Neil said. Everyone looked at him like he grew too heads, which Neil supposed was pretty fair since the only people who had ever been in his house were Kevin and Andrew. “My uncle is rarely home but his liquor cabinet stays stocked.” 

“What the fuck, Neil? Why are we just finding out about this now?” Allison asked. 

Neil shrugged but everyone seemed in agreement of it. They all split up into different cars and headed towards Neil’s house, eager to eliminate all the contents of Stuart’s liquor cabinet. 

~ 

Neil didn’t really get football. It was kind of boring, and it didn’t seem like the plays lasted very long. He was slightly buzzed after encouragement from Nicky and Allison to have a few vodka shots. He didn’t want to completely be unaware of his surroundings though so Andrew cut him off when he started to sing Taylor Swift with Dan and Laila. 

Palmetto was winning 5-2 by the time halftime came around. Neil and his friends were in relatively the same spot they were for the pep rally, except Allison and Jeremy were them this time so they took over more space. Neil was holding a poster for Kevin that had a baby picture of Kevin on it from when he played in little league football, courtesy of Abby. 

The stuffy announcers in the booth called for the marching band to perform. It was pretty much the same thing that happened earlier at the pep rally so Neil didn’t really pay attention. When the cheerleaders came on the field everyone went crazy as usual. Aaron was basically the Vixen’s number one fan and demanded everyone in the general area of his seat to get up and dance along. Aaron was also very, very drunk. Neil clapped when appropriate and called out to Robin. She noticed him up in the stands and gave him a small wave when the routine was done. 

Nicky, Laila, and Janie Smalls made their way to the field afterwards. Neil was surprised Nicky could even make it to the field considering how much he drank during the pre-game, but Neil was slowly learning all his friends had a scary tolerance for alcohol for people so young. 

Homecoming King and Queen usually went to seniors, but it was voted on by the whole school. The class presidents for the juniors, sophomores, and freshmen would crown the winners. Laila was holding the Queen’s crown, while Janie held the King’s crown. Nicky was given a megaphone to make the announcement of who won. 

“Alright, Palmetto. This year’s Homecoming King and Queen are...drum roll please!” Nicky paused and waited for the marching band to comply with his request. “Seth Gordon and Allison Reynolds!” 

Neil stood up and clapped and hugged Allison as she crawled over everyone so she could make her way to the field. Seth came out onto the field from where the team had been huddled. Neil watched as Matt and Erik patted him on the back and hugged him. Laila and Janie placed the crowns on Seth and Allison’s heads and Neil didn’t think he’d ever seen Seth look so happy. They posed together for a photo and then were ushered off the field. Allison came back to the bleachers in all her glory, still wearing her crown and holding Seth’s until the game was over. 

Football was still boring so Neil’s attention faded in and out. At one point during the third quarter, he got up with Dan and Renee to get snacks for everyone. He bought Andrew an especially sugary funnel cake and pretended not to notice when Andrew stole some of his own french fries. 

Palmetto ended up winning the game, 8-4. Allison announces that there will be a party at her house to celebrate. Neil goes with Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky in Andrew’s car to Allison’s but they make a quick pit stop at a liquor store that doesn’t ID. By the time they arrive there are people all over the front lawn and almost every light in the house is on. Nicky calls Allison to let her know that they’ve arrived. Allison comes outside, still wearing her crown, and makes everyone move out of the driveway so that Andrew can pull his car into her ginormous garage. 

Inside the house, there’s various drinking games happening. Neil is participating, and losing, a game of beer pong with Dan against Thea and Renee when the cheerleaders and football players arrive at the house. Everyone begins to clap and cheer at their arrival. 

Neil spots Kevin walking through the door and he abandons his game to go over to say hello. Kevin sweeps in in a hug and only let’s go when Andrew pulls on Neil’s sleeve to get him back. 

“Don’t worry Andrew, he’s all yours for the night,” Kevin said. “I’m the one who just won a Homecoming game, but I’ll sacrifice spending time with my best friend so you have eye candy all night.” 

Andrew just smiles. “Glad we’re on the same page, Day.” 

Andrew pulls Neil away from the large crowd and upstairs. Allison had said she didn’t want anyone up on the third floor, but Andrew seemed to be ignoring her. He opened a set of double doors that revealed a large room with baby pink walls. Allison’s room. 

“Should we be in here?” Neil asked. 

“At Nicky’s birthday party a few years ago I walked into my room to find her and Seth doing it on my desk. I had to burn the desk afterwards. This will make us even.” 

“We’re gonna have sex in Allison’s room?” 

“No,” Andrew said. “Just kissing. Yes or no?” 

Neil smiled. “Yes.” 

Andrew leaned forward and cupped Neil’s face in his hands. Neil kept his hands on the fabric of Andrew’s shirt, while Andrew pressed their lips together. Neil was, in the simplest of terms, infatuated with Andrew. He loved how his lips felt and how his hands always found their way to the back of Neil’s head, threading through the baby hairs on the back of his skull. 

At only fourteen years old, Neil figured he was far too young to be feeling such strong emotions for Andrew but they were there and they could not be ignored. Neil wanted to know every part of Andrew’s brain and soul. 

Andrew pulled away. “You’re thinking is interrupting the kissing.” 

“Even if I’m thinking about you?” 

Andrew rolled his eyes. “What are you thinking about?” 

“You,” Neil admits. “I just. I really like you. I can’t believe this is real sometimes.” 

Andrew brushed a stray piece of Neil’s hair out of his eye and then intertwined their hands together. “I really like you too.” 

Neil returned a small smile and thought for the umpteenth time in the past day that he was very, very lucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS TIME IM READY TO RUN. ESCAPE FROM THE CITY AND FOLLOW THE SUN. CAUSE I WANNA BE YOURS. CAUSE YOU WANNA BE MINE. I DONT WANNA GET LOST IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT. 
> 
> ~
> 
> also next two chapters will be more dialogue i promise :)


	10. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween shenanigans

“I think we should all go as The Avengers. Kevin can be Captain America because he has the best ass.” 

“Nicky, that’s so rude,” Allison said. “You’re completely ignoring Jean and his ass which are sitting right there.” 

“I’m not sure I like this conversation,” Seth added. 

It only took twenty four hours for Palmetto to transition away from the hype of Homecoming to next season for celebration which was Halloween. Nicky was adamant on getting everyone from lunch to do a large group costume. 

“Do me or my ass get a say in this?” Jean asked. 

“Or mine?” Kevin added. 

“Nope,” Allison said, pleasantly. “You just sit there and look pretty and let us professionals figure it out.” 

“We should come up with a top three and then vote,” Renee suggested, ever the diplomat trying to keep the peace. 

“Whatever we decide, can we include Robin in it? I don’t think she’ll be doing anything with her friends.” Neil wanted to try and integrate Robin into his friend group. She was already friends with Katelyn, Sara, and Marissa because of cheerleading, but now that the season was over he wasn’t sure how much they kept in contact. He knew Robin had expressed she felt herself drifting from her old friends and he wanted to make sure she knew she always had him. Neil wondered if Miss. Dobson or Abby had any pull and could get Robin’s lunch period switched to his. 

“Of course! That’s sweet of you to think of her, Neil,” Renee smiled at him. 

“Yeah, Neil,  _ so sweet _ of you,” Andrew leaned over to mock in Neil’s ear. Neil just shoved his shoulder and then stole a french fry off his plate. 

“Okay so Option 1: Avengers. Option 2?” Nicky asked. 

“Disney characters would be cute. Like not just princes and princesses but Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, that kind of thing? Maybe even Disney villains,” Katelyn suggested. 

“Okay, yes. That’s cute,” Allison said. “Let’s keep it at two options. Tomorrow at lunch we vote. Everyone really think about this okay?”

“I don’t know, Allison,” Andrew mocked. “Both options are just so great, it may keep me up all night.” 

Aaron snorted a laugh at his brother's clear sarcasm and Allison just rolled her eyes. Lunch was then spent with everyone googling various costume stores near town and looking up different potential characters for everyone to be. Neil was the subject of every character with red hair, including Black Widow and Ariel. 

The next day at lunch Neil came with Robin's vote on a tiny piece of scrap paper as per Nicky and Allison’s request. 

“Did you peak?” Nicky asked. 

“No,” Neil lied. Robin picked Disney because she wanted to dress up as Robin Hood. Neil did not think this was as funny as Robin did. 

“Okay everyone, take a post-it, write your vote and then pass it to Renee. She’ll be counting the votes because for some reason no one trusts me or Nicky.” Allison started tossing glitter gel pens at everyone. Neil got an orange one. 

“Gee, I wonder why no one trusts you two to count votes.” Aaron rolled his eyes and then stole the purple pen from Andrew and gave him a yellow one in return. Andrew was not pleased with this and stared daggers at his twin until Neil traded him the orange pen so he could write his vote down. 

Once all the votes were handed off to Renee she counted them all up. “This year for Halloween we will be going as...Disney characters!” 

Nicky scoffed. “That is so rude to the potential of both Jean and Kevin’s asses.” 

“There’s always next year?” Jeremy suggested. Jean gave him an incredulous look. 

“Okay, okay. Now that that’s decided everyone decides what they’re being and text in the group chat so no one shows up in the same thing,” Allison ordered. 

Neil had plans with Andrew, Aaron, and Katelyn to go shopping after school for costumes. Neil was surprised that Andrew was actually very into Halloween. He drove them out of Palmetto to this fancy Halloween store in the city. 

“What are you both thinking of going as?” Katelyn asked when they walked into the store. “Aaron and I are going as Mickey and Minnie.”

“Does it have to be a couple's costume?” Neil asked. He’d never had the luxury of dressing up for Halloween. 

“Not necessarily. They’re just cute to do.” 

“Yeah it’s cute for you heterosexuals who have limitless options of couples to go as,” Andrew interrupted. Andrew was browsing through one rack and busied himself by holding up different Prince costumes up against Neil. 

“Fair point.” Katelyn was trying on different Minnie Mouse ears. Some had sparkles, some didn’t. 

“You don’t want to do something together?” Neil asked. Neil understood what Andrew meant. It wasn’t like there were Disney characters that were in openly gay relationships, but for his first Halloween, with a boyfriend, he sort of wanted to do something with Andrew. Even if it meant they both chose to wear similar Prince costumes. 

“Do you?” 

Neil shrugged. “Maybe.” 

“Wait. I have an idea.” Aaron came out from who knows where holding a green pair of tights. “Neil, you should be Peter Pan. You’ve got the hair and everything!” 

Neil looked at Andrew for confirmation. 

“You do,” Andrew said. Andrew took the green ensemble from his brother and held it up to Neil. He tilted his head as though he was considering Neil and Neil almost shrunk at the intense gaze. Andrew produced a floppy green cap with a red feather in it and placed it on Neil’s head. After a few moments Andrew looked absolutely pleased with himself. “Yeah. You should be Peter Pan.” 

Neil trusted Andrew so he took the costume and held it as the rest of them looked for their costumes. “What will you be?” Neil asked. 

“Andrew could be Tinkerbell,” Aaron offered. Andrew threw a plastic prop knife at him. 

“Tinkerbell’s the fairy,” Katelyn explained. “Aaron, they’re a gay couple. You can’t just assume one of them is comfortable gender-bending a character.” 

Aaron muttered a sorry to his brother and then continued to look for his size in the ridiculous red Mickey Mouse pants. 

“You could be Captain Hook?” Katelyn suggested to Andrew. “I mean, if you wanted to do something from the same movie? You could carry a hook. And have you seen the show  _ Once Upon A Time?  _ Captain Hook is hot in that show, no waxy mustache or anything?” 

Katelyn phrased everything as a question, probably because she knew Andrew wouldn’t take well to just being told what he could wear. 

Neil went to the wall of hats and found a simple black pirate hat with a puffy red feather in it, similar to the one in Neil’s hat. He took it off the shelf and placed it on Andrew’s head. 

“Arg,” Andrew deadpanned. Neil laughed and smiled to himself. 

“Well?” Aaron asked. 

“Fine. I’ll be your Captain Hook,” Andrew spoke directly to Neil. 

~ 

Neil showed up to Allison’s Halloween party with Andrew and Robin behind him. When Allison opened the door she screeched. 

“Neil! You look so fucking cute, wow!” 

Neil noticed that her long blonde hair was braided and she had pink and purple flowers in every other criss cross of braid. “You’re Rapunzel,” Neil said. Neil remembered the costume from the movie  _ Tangled _ that he had watched with the girls earlier in the year. Allison was clearly proud of him for remembering that so she pulled him into a brief hug and told him where all the snacks and drinks were. 

“Is Seth dressed as Flynn Rider?” Robin asked Allison. 

“He is, but if you see him could you tell him you love his Eugene Fitzherbert costumed? He didn’t know that was his real name.”

“Of course,” Robin laughed. 

Allison left them on their own, and Robin said she was going to try and find Marissa or Sara, leaving just Neil and Andrew by themselves. Neil preferred it that way. 

“What do you want to do, Captain?” Neil asked. 

Andrew used his hook to grab Neil’s wrist and pull him toward the kitchen. The kitchen was lit with various orange and white string lights. At the kitchen island there was a giant pumpkin shaped punch bowl with a liquid that looked way too green for Neil’s liking. It was bright green. 

Neil exchanged a look with Andrew who just smirked and went to fill up two black solo cups with whatever the hell the green stuff was. Neil took a hesitant sip and while it wasn’t terrible, and tasted weirdly like watermelon, he didn’t think he was going to have another cup. Andrew found a whole bag of kit-kats that he claimed as his own. 

“Let’s go see what these other loser’s came as,” Andrew said, pulling Neil toward the backyard, his bag of candy in his other hand. It was luckily a very warm South Carolina Halloween because Neil thought that some of these people would be freezing their asses off if it wasn’t. He passed a group of guys wearing nothing but bed sheets as togas, and girls wearing pretty much just lingerie before Andrew found a place for them to sit. They shared an oversized adirondack chair, people watching and eating the candy. 

“Andrew! Neil! I see you’ve claimed your candy bag early,” Renee came into view. Her white hair was tipped with red tonight and it was pulled up in some sort of half up, half down style. She had on a black dress with red puffed up sleeves and a white collar. She held a staff with a little crown on it and she looked perfect as the Queen of Hearts. “Andrew usually goes through at least three bags of candy just at the Halloween party alone.” 

“Keep talking shit, Walker, and I’m not going to share with you.” 

“You don’t share with anyone but Neil,” Renee kindly pointed out. 

Andrew froze mid handing Neil a piece of candy and decided to eat it himself just to prove a point. Renee just laughed and then walked away to go socialize with Matt and Dan who were dressed as Jack and Sally from  _ The Nightmare Before Christmas. _ Neil was impressed with the makeup they both had on and had a feeling that they had a bit of help from Allison. 

Robin passed by them at one point and handed Neil and Andrew a bright orange sugar cookie for them to split, though Andrew definitely ate more of it than Neil did. Robin had been with Marissa who was dressed as Snow White. 

Laila found them a few minutes after Robin did. She was dressed as Kim Possible with Sara as Shego. 

“Aw. Your costumes look great. Kevin’s inside looking for you both. He wants to start a game of flip cup,” Laila said. 

“Also we want to steal your seat,” Sara added. 

Andrew got up, pulling Neil with him and dramatically extended his arms to present the now empty seat to the two girls. 

“Thanks, Andrew,” both girls replied in sing-songy voices. 

Neil followed Andrew to the house where they found Nicky and Erik who were both dressed in Incredibles suits, complete with small black masks. 

“There you both are! Have you been hiding in the backyard the whole time?” Nicky asked. 

“Yes.” Both Neil and Andrew deadpanned at the same time. 

“Yeah, that wasn’t creepy or anything,” Nicky said. “Well come on, Kevin wants to play flip cup and I want to watch.” 

Nicky herded them into the living room that now had a plastic table set up with various cups. Erik went to one side of the table that had Kevin and Thea already pouring their drinks into their cups. 

Thea was dressed up as Megara from  _ Hercules _ . When she had originally texted in the groupchat that she was going as that Matt had texted back ‘ _ who’s going to be your Hercules??’ _ to which Thea replied ‘ _ anyone who’s man enough’.  _ Kevin seemed to have taken the bait because he had been the only one who didn’t share his costume in the groupchat. He had said he wanted it to be a surprise and here he was, dressed as Hercules, complete with his muscles looking more prominent thanks to his costume being sleeveless. He even went as far as to wear gladiator sandals. Neil wished he could have seen Thea’s reaction when Kevin showed up dressed as her match and if she was impressed with Kevin taking the lead or bothered that it took him this long. 

Neil stood off to the side with Nicky to watch the game as Andrew took his place on the side of the table with Jean and Jeremy who were dressed as Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Neil had a feeling that Andrew’s team was not going to win considering Jeremy couldn’t seem to stop swooning at Jean in a cowboy hat. 

After about three rounds of Andrew’s team losing. Andrew decided to pause the game and left. When he came back he had Dan with him and made Jeremy sit off to the side. With Dan on the team they actually won the next two rounds. Kevin was getting salty about his teams losing streak and indicated that Erik was the weak link and that they needed more players. Kevin recruited Allison for his team while Andrew recruited Aaron. Kevin’s team lost again so he recruited Matt and Andrew recruited Seth right back. Pretty soon there were about ten people on each team, some of whom Neil didn’t know and was pretty sure Kevin didn’t know either. 

The game finally ended when some random person who was playing excused herself and then promptly puked in one of Allison’s houseplants. After that, Allison banned Kevin from playing any more drinking games and told him he owed her a new laceleaf plant. 

Andrew brought Neil back up to Allison’s room when things settled down a bit more. They went out to Allison’s balcony where Andrew lit up a cigarette. Neil leaned back on the glassdoor and looked up at the stars in the sky. 

“Where’s Neverland?” 

Andrew shuffled so he was leaning next to Neil. “Second star to the right, and straight on till morning.” 

“Neverland seems like it’d be fun.” 

“You never grow up and there’s no adults. When I was younger I used to wish that Peter Pan would come take me away to Neverland. Then I met Aaron, and I wished he would take up both. Then we got Bee and I felt bad about wanting to leave her, so I would wish that she could be the exception to the no adults rule,” Andrew took a brief pause to take a drag, “But at that point I wasn’t really looking to escape with Peter Pan anymore so it didn’t matter.” 

Neil hummed. “You totally had a crush on Peter Pan. Is that why you agreed with Aaron on this costume? You barely ever agree with Aaron.” 

“Everyone had a crush on Peter Pan, Neil.” Andrew rolled his eyes. 

“I didn’t.” 

“Yeah, well, you’re you.” Andrew said, simply. 

“Is that a bad thing?” 

“You’re never a bad thing.” 

Neil smiled and later that night, when he was back home in his house all by himself, he looked out at the sky from his bedroom window and wished for his own version of Neverland. That the people in his life would never grow apart from him, and that he’d get to keep Andrew for as long as possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter Pan!Neil is my favorite AU. 
> 
> Next chapter up will be the twin's birthday :)


	11. Happy Birthday, Andrew Minyard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil get's Andrew's birthday present :)

“Nicky, I know your heart is in the right place, but it’s literally their birthday. They’re not going to be surprised.”

Katelyn and Erik had been trying to explain to Nicky that throwing the twins a surprise party on the actual day of their birthday would not actually be at all surprising. 

“I just want to do something nice for them. Fifteen is an important birthday isn’t it?” Nicky pouted. 

“Pretty sure that’s sixteen,” Kevin said. 

Currently, Neil, Kevin, Erik, Nicky and Katelyn were sitting in the food court of the mall. They were all shopping together for presents for Andrew and Aaron. With the excitement of Homecoming and then Halloween none of them had any time to go shopping for the twins. Neil sort of felt like a dick for looking for a present for his boyfriend the day before his birthday but Katelyn was here too so he didn’t feel that bad. 

“Well, whatever. Fifteen, sixteen, I just wanted them to have a nice party.” 

Neil was slightly ashamed to admit this but he actually didn’t know Andrew was turning fifteen. He thought that he was already fifteen, but he supposed it made sense since his birthday was in November. Neil would be turning fifteen in January, though he wasn’t sure if he was to go by his real birthday or the birthday on his ID. 

Neil tuned out most of the conversation. He didn’t care either way if there was a party or not and he doubted Andrew cared either. They had gone to a few stores already but Neil hadn’t found anything that he felt was good enough for Andrew. He never had to buy a gift for anyone before. The one time he had snuck out of the house to get his mom a birthday present, just a cheap pink lighter from the 7-11, he got yelled at for putting the family at risk. 

His gift to Andrew would need to show how much Neil cared for him, but also not be too big and respect Andrew’s dislike for receiving gifts. 

After eating, Katelyn, Erik and Nicky ventured off in one direction of the mall leaving Neil and Kevin together. 

“What are you going to get Andrew?” Neil asked. 

“Probably a knife, or something else pointy. He’d probably appreciate that right? Because it’s useful and not just a gag gift?”

Neil nodded. Andrew was probably going to get a lot of pocket knives, and different color arm bands for his birthday because that’s what most people saw when they thought of him. Neil didn’t want to discount all his friends, he figured Renee would get him something a little less surface level. Neil wanted to get him something a little more meaningful. Something that to everyone else would seem like a gift that Andrew would hate, but Neil knew he would love. 

Kevin pulled Neil into a thrifty looking store at the very end of the mall. It was far away from all the brand name stores Kevin and Allison had dragged him to during the summer. 

“What about this?” Kevin held up for him a leatherbound notebook.

“Maybe.” 

Kevin kept looking at stationary items. He compared a few different notebooks, he found a feather pen, and some older versions of some book series. 

Neil was browsing a few other cases in the store. There was one case in particular that had a few blank chains. 

“Shopping for someone special?” Neil looked up at the store employee in front of him. She was tiny with dyed black hair, but the front two pieces that framed her face were platinum blonde. Probably a college student who had a side job, Neil thought. She seemed friendly enough so Neil indulged her. 

“I’m looking for a birthday present for my boyfriend. He’s my first boyfriend.”

“Ah,” The employee said. Neil read the name ‘Nora’ on her nametag. “I’ve been there. What’s he like?” 

“He’s…” Unbelievably funny. Respectful of boundaries. Probably a mind reader because he’s so intune with Neil’s own feelings. Fiercely loyal. Independent. “He’s just really great. He doesn’t show his true self to just anyone.” 

“Hmm.” Nora pondered for a bit and then started digging through a box that was not available to customers. She pulled out a tiny box and opened it. “Contrary to popular belief, buying jewelry is not just something boys do for girls.”

Neil inspected the contents of the box. There was a black leather bracelet, and in the middle was a silver bead with a symbol that looked sort of like an M. 

“It’s the zodiac symbol for Scorpio. His birthday is around this time right?” 

“Yeah, November 4th.” Neil said. 

“Then he’s a Scorpio. What do you think?” 

Neil took the bracelet out of the box and fiddled with it for a bit. He knew Andrew would wear it if Neil got it for him. Neil didn’t think Andrew particularly cared about his own zodiac sign but Neil was aware that zodiac signs came from constellations in the sky, and Neil felt like the sky, and the stars were something that the two of them bonded over. 

Neil thought about sitting up on the roof and late nights in Andrew’s car, talking about Neverland, and watching cigarette smoke trail up into the sky. 

“Yeah,” Neil said to Nora. “I’ll take it.” 

Nora rang him out and then rang Kevin out. Kevin had gotten Andrew a pair of faded white canvas shoes. 

“He’s artsy,” Kevin explained. “He can paint them however he likes.” 

Neil thought Andrew would appreciate being given something he could make his own rather than being given something someone assumed he would like. 

Neil and Kevin met back up with Katelyn, Erik, and Nicky, all with their presents in hand. They left the mall and promised to see each other tomorrow for the twins birthday. Nicky had decided that instead of a surprise party everyone should just come over after school on the twin’s birthday since their birthday fell on a Wednesday. 

“We won’t get crazy,” Nicky had said. “Large amount of sweets for Andrew, lots of video game playing for Aaron.” 

When Neil got home he decided to text Andrew. 

_ > Hi _

**_Andrew:_ ** _ Hey _

_ > Are you busy?  _

**_Andrew:_ ** _ Depends _

_ > On what?? _

**_Andrew:_ ** _ On whatever you’re about to suggest  _

_ > Come over? I have something for you _

**_Andrew:_ ** _ It better be ice cream. See you in 15  _

Neil had decided he didn’t want to give Andrew his present in front of everyone else. He wanted it to just be between the two of them, like everything else about their relationship. 

Andrew texted Neil to let him know he was there so Neil went downstairs to open the door for him. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi,” Andrew invited himself right in and took off his shoes. “No creepy British uncle?” 

“No,” Neil said. “He’s away right now. I’m not entirely sure when he’s coming back.” 

Andrew frowned. “How long have you been here by yourself?” 

The two climbed up to Neil’s room and sat down on his carpeted floor. Neil used to have wood on his floor but one day he had Robin stay over and she said there was no way in hell she was sleeping on a wood floor. They went out to the closest Target and Robin made him buy the fluffiest rug they could find. 

“Six days maybe?” 

“You should stay with Kevin when he’s away. Or Robin. Or me.” 

Neil could handle himself alone and he told Andrew as much. 

“It’s not about not being able to handle yourself. It’s about not being alone.” 

“Oh.” Neil wasn’t really sure how to continue the conversation after that. 

Andrew tugged on his sleeve, “I was told there would be something here for me. I don’t see any ice cream.” 

Neil rolled back and pulled the bag from the mall out from under his bed. He placed the bag in front of Andrew. “For you. I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone else. I know it’s not your birthday yet until tomorrow but I, yeah, I just, it’s for you.” 

Neil’s cheeks grew red as he fumbled at the end of his sentence. Andrew didn’t seem to care and pulled the bag closer to him. Neil watched intently as Andrew pulled the box out of the bag and flipped the cap open. He raised an eyebrow and then took the black leather band out. He ran his fingers over the silver bead and Neil thought he was going to pass out from holding his breath, waiting for Andrew to react. 

Andrew reacted in a very Andrew way. He simply put the bracelet on his left wrist and then reached out to Neil’s face to pull him in for a kiss. Neil could feel the leather against his cheek. 

“Do you like it?” Neil asked when he pulled away. 

“Yes, Neil,” Andrew said. Neil could tell he was sort of mocking him but he didn’t care. “I like the bracelet.” 

“Good.”

Neil moved in for another quick kiss but Andrew had other ideas. He deepened the kiss until Neil felt his head spin. Time was lost and pretty soon it was dark out. 

“Come home with me,” Andrew said. “Bee will let you sleep in my room as long as we keep the door open.” 

Neil didn’t say that if they stayed at Neil’s house, they could share Neil’s bed with the door shut. Neil didn’t think he was quite ready for the expectations that came with that situation yet and he didn’t think Andrew was either based on the fact that he was the one to bring up leaving. 

“Okay,” Neil said easily. “Let me pack a bag.” 

As Andrew drove them back to his house, Neil was once again hit with the thought that feelings this strong were not normal for people so young. He felt enamored by Andrew, constantly. He couldn’t take his eyes off the bracelet sitting on Andrew’s wrist. He wished he had all the money in the world so he could give Andrew everything he wanted, though he had a feeling Andrew didn’t care too much about the quantity spent on gifts. 

Later that night as Neil slept on the floor of Andrew’s room in a heavy duty camping sleeping bag, Andrew reached his hand out to Neil. Neil let his fingers roll over the silver bead on the bracelet. It felt cool against his skin. Neil looked over at the clock. It was 12:02am. Officially November 4th. 

Neil whispered into the dark, “Happy birthday, Andrew Minyard.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls do not get used to me updating this much im just inspired rn


	12. Friendsgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil hosts Friendsgiving

Neil offered to host ‘Friendsgiving’ at his house. Stuart wasn’t going to be around and he wanted to pull his metaphorical friendship weight. He appreciated the ideology behind Friendsgiving more than he did Thanksgiving. He was in fact very thankful for his friends and he wanted to be the one to treat them this year around. 

“Are balloons necessary?” Neil asked as he watched Allison blow up yet another one. 

“It’s a party, Neil. Balloons are always necessary.” 

“A party? I thought it was just friends having dinner and being thankful.” 

Allison huffed. “Well, yes, it is, but you always need decorations. For every occasion. What you should be thankful for is me helping you with all this.” 

“Hey, I’m helping him too!” Kevin walked out with various cutlery and began setting the large dining room table that was going to be used tonight. 

Kevin and Allison’s friendship was something Neil loved to observe. On one hand they were the first to insult each other whenever the opportunity was there, but on the other they always gravitated toward each other for support when they could not get it from Seth or Thea. Though, Neil was not entirely sure where Kevin and Thea currently stood. Kevin had made a move by dressing up in a couple’s costume with her for Halloween but since then a month had passed and there was no difference in the way the two were acting toward each other. 

“Don’t worry, Kevin. I didn’t forget about you. Though it would be very hard to forget about you with all the bitching and complaining you're always doing,” Allison snarked. 

“I was not bitching!” Kevin exclaimed. “I was just wondering why Neil had all this fancy cutlery and dishware when I’ve never seen anyone but him or his uncle in this house.” 

“You’re in this house. So is Allison. So will everyone else in about an hour,” Neil pointed out. 

Kevin glared at him. “I deeply regret helping you integrate into society.” 

Neil laughed and finished cutting out the name cards for everyone. Allison had emailed him fancy name cards and instructed him to cut them out and then place them around the table. 

“Your house. Your seating arrangement.” Allison had said to him. 

Neil felt high off the power of being in charge of seating. Obviously Andrew was going to be right next to him, but he could use this power to keep the chattier friends away from him and Andrew, which he knew Andrew would appreciate. 

After the table was set, and Allison was satisfied with the decorations, Kevin made the both of them wait on the couch for everyone else to arrive. Kevin declared himself in charge of the cooking as Allison has never made anything edible besides Jell-O shots, and Neil was in Kevin’s words, hopeless in the kitchen. 

Jeremy and Jean were the first to arrive and the two boys were immediately corralled by Kevin to help in the kitchen. Jeremy was excited to be part of the cooking process this year whereas Jean looked like he wanted to stuff himself in the oven to avoid helping. 

Next to arrive were the rest of the upperclassman. 

“Neil! Do we get to see your room? This is the first time I’ve ever been at your house, man, that’s insane!” Matt hugged Neil as he walked in. Dan and Renee carried two trays of baked goods while Seth handled all the alcohol. 

“Yeah, sure, how about a house tour?” Neil suggested. 

Matt, Dan, and Renee eagerly followed Neil around his house while Seth opted to stay with Allison on the couch. 

Staying on the main floor, Neil showed them the dining room where they’d all be sitting for dinner, he attempted to show them the kitchen but they were all shooed out by Kevin, and he let them peak briefly into what served as Stuart’s office. They moved onto the second floor where Neil showed them the door of Stuart’s room, and then pulled them all into his own room. The only people who had ever been in his room were Robin, Kevin and Andrew so he was still a little self conscious about how his room wasn’t really decorated. 

Neil had one large window in his room, which had the view of his backyard, and Kevin’s backyard. Before he was friends with Kevin he used to sit at the window and watch Kevin with all his friends and wish he could join them. The wall’s of Neil’s room were a light baby blue, his bed was pushed into the corner of the room with gray sheets and a gray comforter. He had a desk on the opposite wall that held all his school materials. He was slightly embarrassed because his laundry basket was overflowing, but neither Matt, Dan nor Renee seemed to mind. They were too busy poking around Neil’s bookshelf that was overflowing in a better way. 

“What the hell, Neil!” Matt exclaimed. “All this time you’ve been a closet book worm!” 

Neil’s bookshelf was not something he really talked about. It’s not like he was reading fiction or books that you read in English classes. All his books were academic. There were books on politics, mythology, physics, languages. When Neil was being homeschooled it wasn’t like his mother was actually sitting him down and teaching him. She would buy him a few new books every week or so from thrift stores or the cheap independent bookstore in town, give them to him, and trust that he could figure it out himself. 

Neil’s bookshelf was five shelves high and there were books on every level, including the very top which also had a lamp and the Peter Pan hat he wore on Halloween. 

Renee was flipping through one of the books Neil had on Christianity. “You’ve read all these?” 

“Yeah,” Neil said. “I haven’t had time to really read in a while but this is what I used to do for school. I’m honestly surprised I was able to get into a real school with this as my education.” 

“They say that self taught knowledge sticks with people more because they’re learning because they want to,” Dan commented. 

Neil shrugged. “Maybe. I really enjoyed reading on my own, but I also like having some kind of structure at school.” 

“Well, impressive bookshelf aside,” Matt said, “you definitely need more pictures on your walls though.”

Pictures weren’t something Neil could ever have. He couldn’t ever risk the permanence. Neil told Matt as much. Matt gave him his usual look of wanting to hug Neil for hours at a time but instead of moving forward Matt just clicked on his phone and began messing around on it. 

Neil shuffled them out of his room after allowing Renee to borrow one of the books he had about religion around the world. When they all came back downstairs Neil noticed that Laila, Sara, Thea, Marissa, and Katelyn had arrived. The only ones missing were the Hemmick-Klose-Minyard squad and Robin. 

Robin had been exceptionally excited to go to her first ever Friendsgiving. She was especially excited that it would be with Neil and his cool upperclassmen friends. Robin had gotten along really well with Andrew and Neil knew that the two of them even texted on occasion. Neil was happy that two of the most important people to him were now friends and bonded over how much sugar they could get away with at every meal. 

Dinner was almost ready and Andrew was still not here. Neil was starting to get a bit nervous but Jeremy and Allison ensured Neil that Nicky would never miss this. That didn’t exactly reassure Neil about Andrew’s presence. Now that he thought about it, it was sort of odd that Katelyn was here but Aaron wasn’t yet. Though, obviously, Katelyn didn’t always have to be with Aaron, but Neil hadn’t heard her mention her significant other once since she’s been here. 

Neil was probably overreacting but Andrew wasn’t here yet and Kevin just said that the mashed potatoes were done. Neil specifically put Andrew sitting next to him, near Robin and Kevin and Renee and put the louder crowd of Sara and Laila and Jeremy on the other side of the table because he knows Andrew can’t always deal with that much chatter. But Andrew wasn’t here yet. So what the hell. 

Neil thought about texting Andrew to see where he was when there was a knock on the door. Matt got up off the couch to go open the door but Neil rushed past him to answer it himself. He opened the door and first saw Nicky and Erik. 

“Hi!” Nicky moved in for a hug that Neil was too frozen to the spot to avoid. “Sorry we’re late. We have desserts though!” 

As Nicky and Erik walked in with boxes of cookies and what smelt like an apple pie, their no longer towering frames revealing that Robin was behind them holding a box of chocolates. 

“Hi Neil!” Robin moved inside and gave him a quick hug. “Erik and Nicky picked me up. I think Andrew and Aaron had to take care of something.” 

That didn’t exactly make Neil feel better but he was sort of happy that he at least had an answer about where Andrew was. 

There were a few more entrees that needed to heat up. All the while Neil sat on the couch with nervous energy. He wasn’t really paying attention to the conversations around him. When Kevin finally announced everything was ready and that it was time to take their seats Neil felt sick. 

Why wasn’t Andrew there? Did something bad happen at home? If something bad happened why was Nicky here? Why did Katelyn show up without Aaron? Where the actual fuck was Andrew Minyard? 

Neil dragged himself to his seat but he couldn’t help but stare at the name card that was Andrew’s. His empty seat felt like it was twenty feet wide. Kevin, Jeremy, and Jean were busy bringing out all the food so no one really noticed the gray stormcloud that was growing over Neil. 

“Alright,” Matt announced. “Let’s get this Friendsgiving started. Kevin? It’s all you.” 

Kevin stood up from his seat. He was right across from Neil so Neil had to look up to pay attention and try to forget about his missing boyfriend. “So obviously this Friendsgiving is a little different than the past few. We have a few additions here tonight. Robin, you’re great, and I’m very happy you’re here  _ but  _ tonight is for Neil. Neil? For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been the one to say thank you first. I think I can speak for everyone in this room when I say you’ve probably thanked us for doing the bare minimum of being decent people and being your friend over one hundred times.” 

Neil looked around sheepishly as everyone laughed at the joke. Kevin continued, “You’ve never given us a chance to thank you, Neil. I don’t know if you can see it, but you’ve brought everyone in this room so much closer to one another since you got here. I mean hell you got Seth to stop being a dick and actually tell Allison how he feels. We’ve been trying to get that to happen since middle school!” 

“Hey!” Seth interjects. 

“Alright, alright,” Kevin laughs. “But seriously, Neil. I’m using the term we because I think everyone here feels the same. We are so thankful that whatever wires had to cross so that you could be here with us. We are thankful that you’re our friend, we are thankful for you, full stop.” 

“And to show you, how thankful and happy we are to have you, we got you a gift.” Neil would recognize that voice anywhere. Neil turned to see Andrew and Aaron walk into the dining room from the kitchen holding what looked like a giant frame. 

“We snuck in the back when you opened the door for Nicky, Erik and Robin,” Aaron supplied. 

“You hid out in my kitchen for forty-five minutes?” Neil asked. 

“Yup.” Aaron shrugged. “So you better like this, Josten.” 

It was sort of funny to watch the two shortest people in the group haul this big ass frame over to where Neil was sitting. 

“Ready?” Andrew asked. 

“Yes.” 

Andrew and Aaron flipped the frame. Neil’s jaw dropped. Within the frame was a collage of photos. There was an awkward photo of Neil and Kevin from this past summer when Neil was still learning how to be a person. There were several photos from lunch, including one of Neil with an unsmiling Seth and Jean. There was a picture from the girls night Neil had been invited to. A picture of Andrew rolling his eyes at Neil in Kevin’s jersey at Homecoming. There were actually several Homecoming photos. There was a group photo that was taken at the game. There were photos that just looked lively and fun and blurry from the party. There were photos from Halloween. Another group photo, a photo of Neil with Jean and Kevin, a photo of Neil with Robin, and sneakily taken photo of Andrew and Neil sitting outside on one of Allison’s lawn chairs. Photos from Andrew and Aaron’s birthday party. There was a photo of Neil with Andrew, Aaron and Nicky that Neil remembered their mother Betsy taking. But the one that stands out the most is in the bottom right corner, sort of hidden if you don’t really look but Neil knows that that’s where his eye will also go first. 

It was a photo of him with Andrew. It wasn’t taken by anyone else. It was taken on the roof on Andrew’s phone. You could see Andrew’s arm in the photo, Neil’s chin was resting on Andrew’s shoulder, and in the background the sky was a golden orange. Neither of them were smiling, but anyone could tell that they were content in the photo. Looking at the photo brought a wave of emotions over Neil. The setting sky created a halo around Andrew’s blonde hair and Neil knew that what he felt for Andrew was changing into a word he had never said, and no one had ever said to him. 

“Neil?” Someone asked. Neil didn’t know who. “What do you think?” 

Andrew moved forward toward Neil, still holding on to the frame with one hand, and reached out to wipe a tear that was falling out of Neil’s left eye with his other hand.

“Matt texted and said your room was lacking memories,” Andrew explained. That made sense as to why Matt decided to play with his phone instead of embrace Neil like he normally would. “We wanted to give you our favorite ones with you. Everyone here picked at least one photo.” 

Neil blinked at that. That meant that only one person could have picked the photo on the roof. Andrew picked it out because it had to be one of his favorite memories with Neil. Neil felt another tear drop at that revelation. 

“This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” Neil said, his voice cracking halfway through. 

“Okay, that’s it,” Matt stood up. “Group hug.” 

Neil laughed as he watched Andrew and Aaron put the frame down. Andrew enveloped Neil first, Aaron went behind Andrew, probably to prevent anyone Andrew didn’t like from being right at his back. Kevin and Robin were the next closest to Neil. Pretty soon everyone was mushed together in one giant Friendsgiving hug. 

“Okay, enough of this,” Kevin tried to pull everyone away. “I did not pour my heart and soul into this food just for it to go cold. Let’s go, we’re eating now.” 

Everyone pulled away and went back to their seats. The conversation picked up at every section of the table as dishes were passed around so everyone could fill their plates. While Neil was eating he couldn’t help but keep looking over at the frame of photos leaning against the wall next to him. At one point Andrew took his hand in his own and they spent the rest of dinner and dessert with their fingers interlocked. Neil didn’t even care about how awkward it was to eat with only one hand. 

Neil was happy. Neil was thankful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil's in lOoOoOooooOOOOoooove


	13. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil celebrates Christmas with his friends :)

Soon after Thanksgiving, it was time for the winter holidays. Neil didn’t have any particular religion he adhered to but he thought he remembered when he was much, much younger his mother giving him a small present around Christmastime. It only happened once but Neil felt that that meant if he had a normal life he would celebrate Christmas. 

Similar to how his friends celebrate Thanksgiving with a Friendsgiving, they all gathered a week before Christmas to celebrate the winter together. They didn’t exchange gifts but instead piled together in Allison’s large living room watching various holiday movies. 

Neil’s favorite was  _ The Nightmare Before Christmas _ . It was also Andrew’s favorite but Neil dubbed it as his favorite before he knew it was Andrew’s. 

Neil was invited to spend Christmas Eve with Kevin, and then Christmas day with Andrew. Stuart was away again which was becoming a bit concerning. Neil was only fourteen and he knew that if the state or school found out he was spending most of his time alone in the house without any guardian they would try to get involved and take him away. 

Neil tried to forget about that as he helped Kevin and Abby decorate cookies. Kevin’s interior was decorated with various red and green ribbons, there was a massive tree in his living room that had a simple silver star at the top. Abby was very into holiday baking and decorating, though Kevin warned Neil that while the cookies looked good, there was a high chance they would not taste good. 

Neil was making his gingerbread man wear a black shirt, black pants, and was using yellow icing to make blonde hair. 

“Are you making Andrew into a cookie?” 

“Yes.” Neil snapped a photo with his phone and sent it to Andrew. 

_ > I made you into a cookie.  _

**_Andrew:_ ** _ This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.  _

“You two are so weird,” Kevin commented. 

“Kevin!” Abby reprimanded. “That’s not nice.” 

“They’re making each other into cookies. It’s weird.” 

Abby stole the cookie Kevin was working on and took a bite, leaving him with a headless gingerbread man. “I think it’s sweet.” 

“Kevin’s just jealous he doesn’t have anyone to make him into a cookie,” Neil said. 

“That’s not true. I bet if I asked Jean to make me into a cookie he would. You’d make me into a cookie if I asked.” 

“Would I?” Neil smirked. 

Kevin was silent and glared at Neil. Neil let out a dramatic sigh. “Would you like me to make you into a cookie, Kevin?” 

Kevin huffed. “Obviously.” 

Neil laughed and got to work making Kevin into a gingerbread man. He used green icing to make eyes, and put him in an orange shirt and blue pants. He also used icing to make Kevin frown. 

“Why am I frowning?” 

“You’re sad you had to stoop so low to ask someone to make you into a cookie,” Neil explained. 

“That’s it.” Kevin reached over to try and steal the Andrew cookie away from Neil. Neil blocked his arm and then the two were insistent on ruining the others cookies. Neil dropped a giant red icing blob onto one of Kevin’s cookies and Kevin retaliated by biting the leg off of the Kevin cookie. 

“You bit your own leg off!” 

“Boys!” Abby interrupted. “I think we’ve had enough cookie decorating. Why don’t you two head into the living room for a bit and I’ll call you down when dinner’s ready.” 

“Fine.” Kevin got up and Neil followed him into the living room where Kevin’s dad, David, was sitting on the couch watching a football game. 

“You two get kicked out of the kitchen?” David asked when Kevin and Neil walked in. 

“Yeah,” Neil said. “Kevin ate his leg off.” 

“I feel like I should ask for context behind that but I really don’t want to.” 

“You don’t wanna know.” Kevin huffed. 

They sat watching the football game until Abby called them in for dinner. Dinner was quick and easy and Neil found that he no longer felt like a guest in Kevin’s home. He felt like he belonged here. He thought that it would feel more weird if he weren’t spending the holiday with Kevin. He felt like this was where he was meant to be.

Neil and Kevin headed to bed early. Neil wanted to be up as early as possible so he could be at Andrew’s house for as long as he could. 

Neil woke to something being thrown at him. He blinked his eyes open and there was a crappily wrapped box on his stomach. The wrapping paper had reindeer wearing Santa hats. Neil looked for the culprit and found Kevinstanding by his full length mirror adjusting his shirt. 

“Um. Merry Christmas?” 

Kevin turned, “That’s from me.” He indicated toward the box. “Come on, open it so I can get you to Andrew’s. He’s been bugging me all morning.” 

“What time is it?” 

“Seven-ish?” 

“Jeez.” Neil sat up and began to pick at the wrapping paper. 

“You don’t have to save the paper, just rip it open!” 

Neil did as he was told. Once the wrapping paper was gone he opened the brown box that was underneath. In the box was a singular ticket to a Carolina Panthers football game. 

“I go every year with my dad,” Kevin explained. “I want you to come with us this year. Abby isn’t really into it.” 

Neil knew Kevin added the last part to make it seem like it wasn’t that big of a deal but Neil knew better. Football games were something Kevin did with his family. It was a family event and by inviting Neil he was saying that Neil was family. 

“Thank you,” Neil said, slightly choked up. “I should probably head to Andrew’s now.” 

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” 

Kevin drove Neil to Andrew’s house. Before Neil got out of the car he handed Kevin a small package. “I didn’t want you to open it in front of me. Text me after you open it.” Neil got out of the car before Kevin could respond. 

When he got to the door he was greeted by a very enthusiastic Nicky who was wearing a snowman onesie. “Neil! I have a onesie for you. Christmas tradition that you have to put it on. No exceptions.” 

Neil didn’t even have time to say hello to Andrew, Aaron or Betsy. He was pushed into the bathroom and given a rolled up ball of fabric. Neil walked out of the bathroom when he was done in a reindeer onesie that had antlers. 

“You look so cute! Let’s go show Andrew!” Neil allowed Nicky to pull him through the house to the kitchen where he found Betsy wearing a Mrs. CLaus onesie, Aaron wearing a red and white striped onesie, and Andrew in a penguin onesie. 

“I’m not sure penguins are really Christmas-y,” Neil commented. 

Everyone turned at the sound of his voice. 

“They’re animals that live in the snow. It counts,” Andrew said. 

“Sure it does,” Neil moved forward to hug Andrew. 

When he pulled away Andrew said, “Did you bring the cookie you made of me?” 

“No,” Neil said. “Kevin destroyed it.” 

“Typical. We’re making hot chocolate right now and then we’re watching  _ The Santa Clause _ ” 

“I’ve never seen it.” 

“That’s a crime,” Aaron said, speaking for the first time since Neil got here. 

Neil just shrugged and asked if there was anything he could help with. Betsy shooed him away with Nicky and Andrew and said that she and Aaron would be in with the drinks soon. Nicky set up the movie and then sat on the couch. Andrew took the middle seat and had Neil sit on the other side of him. 

Aaron brought out a tray of drinks. Nicky’s was in a rainbow mug and had a normal amount of whipped cream on it, Andrew’s was in a solid black mug that had enough whipped cream it seemed to defy gravity. Neil was handed an orange whipped cream-less mug. Aaron sat in a bean bag chair with his own silver mug. They waited until Betsy walked out with her own green mug and sat in the recliner before starting the movie. 

Halfway through the movie Neil’s phone buzzed and he took it out to check it. It was a text from Kevin. 

**_Kevin Day:_ ** _ You’re a dick.  _

Then another text. 

**_Kevin Day:_ ** _ Thank you for the present. Merry Christmas, Neil.  _

Neil laughed and caught Andrew’s attention. He raised his eye in question. 

Neil answered the unasked question, “Kevin opened the gift I got him.” 

Andrew smirked and then went back to watching the movie. 

Christmas had just begun and it was barely noon but Neil already knew this was the best holiday he’s ever had. Neil would be happy if he got to spend all his future Christmases like this. Messing with Kevin and then getting to sit all cozied up with Andrew sipping on hot chocolate. He couldn’t think of anything better. He didn’t want anything else. Neil was happy, and Neil thought he quite liked the holidays now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unrelated but i just watched the movie Enchanted and all im thinking of is Neil as Giselle and finding Andrew in the real world and falling in love <3
> 
> ALSO in case u didnt notice, this fic is completely outlined now and will be 20 chapters in total


	14. New Years Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew celebrate New Years Eve

The New Year was fast approaching and Neil could not find Andrew. Neil didn’t mean to lose Andrew at Allison’s New Years Eve party. Andrew had been playing a game of flip cup as he usually did at events like these and then Jean had asked Neil if he wanted to step outside with him while he smoked. 

“You gonna give Andrew a midnight kiss?” Jean had joked when they were outside. 

Neil had shrugged. “If he says yes.” 

After Jean was done with his cigarette Neil was roped into a drinking game called Kings even though he was only drinking lemonade. Neil played a few rounds and then someone who Neil didn’t know ran through the kitchen screaming “TWENTY MINUTES UNTIL THE NEW YEAR!”. Neil had unconsciously looked over to look toward Andrew but then Neil realized he hadn’t seen Andrew since that game of flip cup, and Andrew wasn’t standing next to him. 

Neil excused himself from the game of Kings and then started searching the house for his missing boyfriend. The first person Neil caught was Kevin. 

“Kevin! Have you seen Andrew?” 

“Andrew? I know an Andrew. Short. Blonde. Mostly angry. Yeah, that’s Andrew.” Kevin was toasted and useless. 

Neil pushed through the crowds and spotted a short blonde man. He headed over but then stopped when said short blonde man had his tongue down some girl's throat. Ah. Aaron. Katelyn. Not Andrew. Neil didn’t care much for what was socially acceptable so he walked right over and pulled Aaron right off of Katelyn’s mouth. 

“What the fuck Josten?” 

“Where’s Andrew?” 

“How the fuck should I know? Now go away.” 

Aaron had tried to get his tongue back to work but Katelyn moved her head to dodge the kiss and address Neil instead. “I thought I saw him in the living room before. Hope you find him, Neil!” 

Neil looked through the living rooms once more. No sign of Andrew. He checked his phone and saw that there were now fifteen minutes left until the new year. He sent a quick text to Andrew 

_ > Where are you?  _

Neil fiddled with the lock button on his phone for a bit, but after a few minutes of now getting a response he decided to canvas the rest of the house. 

He checked the basement first but all he found was Nicky and Seth in a drinking competition. He moved on. 

He opened a bathroom door and immediately slammed it after finding Matt and Dan in a position he never wanted to see his friends in. He moved on again. 

Allison’s house was ridiculously big. Why did a family need this big of a house when the parents just left their kid alone all the time? Allison was eighteen but really she was still just a kid. She didn’t deserve to be left alone in this large of a house. Neil thought maybe he was projecting a bit about his own life of being left alone so much thanks to Stuart, but really he was just pissed he couldn’t find Andrew and the obvious thing to blame was rich people who had giant houses for no good reason. 

“TEN MINUTES!” Someone yelled. 

A large group of people came inside the house from where they were loitering outside and into the living room where the giant television was broadcasting the ball in Times Square. No Andrew amongst the crowd. Neil kept searching. He felt his phone buzz and rushed to get it. 

**_Kevin Day:_ ** _ New years new year it's a new year in the new year Neil-io  _

**_Kevin Day:_ ** _ ur my friend new year neil  _

**_Kevin Day:_ ** _ ha. That is your new name _

**_Kevin Day:_ ** _ new year neil-io  _

Fucking hell. After Neil found Andrew he was going to have to make sure Kevin was still alive wherever he was. 

Neil went to the second floor. He searched Allison’s parents room and the master bathroom. No Andrew still. He searched other various rooms that seemed to serve no purpose. His phone buzzed again and if it was Kevin with another drunk text he was going to abandon his Andrew search just so he could punch Kevin in the face. 

**_Andrew:_ ** _ Allison’s balcony.  _

Neil rushed across the hall and barged into Allison’s room. He saw a fluttering light out on the balcony. When he opened the sliding door he saw Andrew surrounded by a bunch of string lights. He held two glasses of champagne. 

“There's five minutes until midnight,” Andrew said. He passed Neil a glass. 

“Have you been up here the whole time?” Neil took a sip of his champagne and found he wasn’t as turned off by the taste as he thought it was. 

“I started to set up when you went out with Jean,” Andrew leaned on the balcony. “I never had a New Years kiss before. I want to. Tonight. Just not...in front of everyone. I want it private.” 

Andrew looked at Neil with eyes Neil didn’t recognize but didn’t hate. They were a deeper hazel than usual, they were hungrier. And they were completely focused on Neil. 

“Private is good,” Neil gulped. 

Neil walked over to lean on the balcony so that his and Andrew’s arms were touching. 

“Does Allison know you put all her string lights outside?” Neil asked. 

“She’ll thank me for the upgrade,” Andrew shrugged. “Do you have any New Year's resolutions?” 

“I didn’t think you bought into that.” 

“I don’t,” Andrew said. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t.” 

Neil didn’t comment so Andrew nudged him, “There’s two minutes left.” 

“I don’t know if it can be classified as a resolution,” Neil admitted. “I just. I want to keep this. This life. These friends. Us. I want to keep it for a really long time. That’s my resolution. To never let this go.” 

Andrew seemed to ponder Neil’s words for a bit. Neil wasn’t nervous about the silence, though. He knew Andrew’s silences were ones of deep thought. 

Neil heard the countdown begin from inside the house. 

10 

Andrew placed his glass on the outdoor table.

9 

Andrew took Neil’s glass from him and placed it next to the other glass. 

8

Neil stood facing Andrew. He could feel his heart thumping from every point of his body. 

7

Andrew took Neil’s hand in his and squeezed. 

6

Neil squeezes Andrew’s hand back. Neil looked into Andrew’s eyes. He could see the reflection of the string lights in his eyes. 

5

Andrew took his other hand to Neil’s cheek. 

4 

Neil leaned into Andrew’s hand. 

3

Neil could still hear the countdown from inside. His body was warm everywhere Andrew’s was touching his. 

2

Andrew looked into Neils eyes, “You can keep this,” he promised. 

1 

Neil moved first. As his and Andrew’s lips touched it was like something out of a movie. Fireworks went off to celebrate the new year, but Neil imagined that at this moment, the fireworks were for him and Andrew. A promise from the universe that he would get to keep this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last few chapters have been time-jumpy but after this there's going to be a bit more of a plot, i promise!


	15. Neil's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil has a birthday party. A unexpected guest arrives.

Neil’s birthday was on a Friday this year which Allison said was perfect because they could all begin partying and celebrating right after school. Neil was on board with whatever. He never had any friends to have a birthday party with. It was his fifteenth birthday and it felt like it was going to be an important one. 

Neil was sitting in his usual seat at lunch. He picked at the cupcake Renee had given him. It was vanilla with orange frosting. He didn’t want to be rude but he really just wanted the cake part. He wasn’t a big frosting person.

He nudged Andrew and nodded to his cupcake. Andrew rolled his eyes but took Neil’s cupcake and began working his way through the frosting. Once he was done he handed Neil back the plain cake. 

“You’re disgusting,” Andrew said. 

“Says the man who just ate nothing but frosting.” 

“Frosting is good for you. Keeps you sane.” 

Neil laughed, “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” 

Neil took a moment to observe Andrew. Ever since New Years there was something different about Andrew. Normally when Andrew caught Neil staring at him he would point it out or use his hand to turn Neil’s face away but recently Andrew started staring back. Almost as if he was challenging Neil, though, Neil didn’t know what the challenge was. 

Neil’s focus was broken when Kevin sat down at the table next to him. Kevin looked briefly at Andrew and then snorted, “Nice earrings, Andrew.” 

“Thanks, they were a gift,” Andrew said, completely serious and ignoring Kevin’s clear intent at mockery. 

Neil smiled. The earrings were a gift. Neil had gotten them for Andrew for Christmas. They were little orange studs that were shaped into foxes, just like the school’s mascot. Neil thought they were cute, and thought they were even cuter on Andrew. He liked how when Andrew was wearing all black the earrings stood out. 

“And what did Neil get you for Christmas, Kevin?” Andrew asked. 

Neil watched as Kevin’s ears turned red. “It’s private.” 

“Oh, don’t worry Kevin. I already know,” Andrew mock whispered the last part. 

“Neil!” Kevin turned toward him angrily. 

Neil didn’t falter. “He was with me when I bought it.” 

Kevin put his head in his hands. “Fuck.” 

Neil laughed. The present really wasn’t  _ that _ bad. Neil was struggling with what to get Kevin for Christmas. He didn’t want to be too cliche and get him something football related. He was at the mall with Andrew and Andrew had suggested they go into the store  _ Spencer’s.  _ Neil had never been there before but after one trip he decided he probably wouldn’t go back. The store seems kind of innocent at first. T-shirts with semi dirty slogans on them, curse words on mugs. That kind of thing. But then Neil ventured toward the back of the store and that’s when things changed. 

It was Andrew who suggested it. Told Neil to get Kevin something to take his mind off the fact that Thea didn’t really want anything to do with him anymore. In the end, Neil couldn’t do it. He wasn’t going to buy something  _ like that _ for Kevin. Instead he decided to get some cringey his and hers keychains and gave one to Kevin and then kept the other for himself. 

Andrew, however,  _ could  _ do it. He bought Kevin a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs and let Neil take the credit for it. 

“I can keep a secret,” Andrew singsonged. 

“You better,” Kevin glared at him. 

Andrew just rolled his eyes, turning away to indicate that he was done with this conversation. 

“Neil!” Matt called out. “What time should we get to your house for your birthday?” 

“Right after school,” Allison answered for him. “It’s baby’s fifteenth birthday. We’re going to make him party until the sun comes up.” 

“Most people make a big deal about sixteen. Not fifteen,” Seth pointed out. 

“Keep bitching and I’ll revoke your invite,” Allison snapped back. Allison and Seth were doing well as a couple but that didn’t mean they stopped whining at each other all throughout lunch. There was just less name calling and yelling. 

“If it’s Neil’s birthday he should be in charge of revoking invites,” Seth muttered under his breath. 

Lunch went by quickly and Neil dragged himself through the rest of his classes. At the end of the day he and Robin met Andrew at his car and they all rode together to Neil’s house. 

When they arrived, Matt’s truck and Allison’s car were already parked on the street. The last time everyone was at his house was Thanksgiving. Neil smiled at the memory. The photo collage that his friends had given him was hanging up in his room right over his desk. 

Inside the house, Nicky went through Neil’s limited DVD collection to put a movie on for background noise. Kevin and Jean set up a table for beer pong and Matt put out an array of snacks on the coffee table. 

Pretty soon everyone was verging from tipsy to drunk and it was barely 8:00pm. Neil had tried to milk his drinks but Allison caught him and insisted he needed to be the most wasted person here since it was his own party. 

“I’ll take care of you,” Andrew said and that was really all Neil needed to hear. He had never really let loose before. He was fifteen and he had Andrew and he was surrounded by all his friends so fuck it. Neil was going to channel his inner Kevin Day and get fucking plastered. 

Neil wasn’t sure how he ended up here. He was lying on the couch with his head on Andrew’s lap and his feet on Kevin. He was watching Jeremy and Nicky act out a scene from a movie where this boy falls in the middle of a basketball game and then his girlfriend randomly stood up in the crowd and sang his name? Neil thought maybe he was hallucinating. He felt completely out of it but also safe? He was in between his boyfriend and his best friend and he was just so happy. 

_ This is why people get drunk,  _ Neil thought. Alcohol didn’t have to be a crutch. Sometimes it was just nice to feel all floppy like he did right now. He was enjoying himself so much he barely registered when the movie was paused and everyone got really quiet. 

He lifted his head up from Andrew’s lap, “What. What - what happened?” 

“Neil.” He thought that was Kevin maybe? 

Neil struggled to stand up and he turned to where his friends were staring. Nei blinked his eyes into focus. There was a man standing in the doorway. 

“Uncle Stuart?” 

“I came back from my trip early for your birthday. I hadn’t wanted you to be alone but it appears I didn’t need to worry.” Stuart rolled his suitcase into the house and closed the door behind him. All of Neil’s friends stood still. 

Neil didn’t really mention Stuart a lot. They knew he was his legal guardian, and they knew he was barely ever there, leaving Neil home alone constantly. 

“Neil? Could I have a word. In private.” Stuart didn’t wait for an answer and instead walked himself into the kitchen. 

Neil followed and left his friends in the living room. 

“I’m sorry,” Neil blurted. “I didn’t know you were coming home and they wanted me to have a birthday party and I didn’t see any reason not to. I’ll tell them to leave and clean everything up.” 

“Neil,” Stuart interrupted. “I don’t care that you have friends over. You should be able to celebrate your birthday with your friends. I don’t mean to sound rude, I just, I’m just surprised you have that many friends.” 

“Oh,” Neil said. “Well yeah. Kevin’s helped a lot, but I’m finding it’s not as hard as I thought. To have friends.” 

Stuart smiled. “I’m so glad to hear you say that, Neil. I’ve been thinking. This traveling back and forth to London is a lot, you know? My business is primarily overseas and I wasn’t sure if this would be possible since everything you’ve been through. But now I see you are a well capable young man.” 

“What are you talking about?” Nei asked. 

“I think it’s time we leave Palmetto. Pack up and move to London. It’ll be easier for my business and you clearly will be able to make new friends in no time.” 

Leave Palmetto? Move to London? What about the rest of his birthday party? None of this was making sense to Neil. He didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or the shock at what Stuart was saying. What about Kevin? Allison? Matt? Andrew?  _ Andrew.  _ What about Andrew? 

Neil blinked. Once. Twice. Tried to clear his head and make sense of this awful conversation. 

In the end, Neil went back to his mother. Neil stood frozen in the kitchen for exactly one more second before he relied on the first thing his mother ever taught him. 

Neil ran. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry


	16. Town Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A POV change! Andrew and Kevin as they search for Neil.

Kevin speedily pulled his car into what he thought was a parking spot. It probably wasn’t, but he had more important things to worry about that proper parking in a lot that only held five other cars. He got out of his car, followed by Jean, Jeremy and Thea. As they walked toward the field where they usually played kickball, Kevin felt anxious. He hoped that someone else had better news than he did. 

“Well?” Jean was the first to speak. Everyone looked drained and tired. It was about 2:00am now and freezing and there was still no sign of Neil. Neil had bolted out of his own home without a word to anyone. Kevin didn’t know what Stuart could have said to warrant this kind of reaction but all he wanted was to make sure his friend was okay. 

Nicky shook his head. “We checked the school. He wasn’t at the football field, under the bleachers, or the track.” 

“We checked all of downtown Palmetto,” Allison said. “Matt and Dan took the east side. Renee, Seth and I took the west. No sign of him.” 

“Did you have any luck, Kevin?” Dan asked him, gently. 

“No. We checked all the bus stations but no one has seen him.” 

“Andrew?” Renee asked. Andrew had been quiet the whole time. Kevin saw the look on his face when Neil ran out. Andrew had been right behind him, chasing after him. But it was like Neil had vanished. Andrew had stepped outside of the house for less than a minute, came back in, and then announced to the group that Neil was gone. 

Andrew looked contemplative now. “He wasn’t at our spot.” 

Kevin had no idea where Andrew and Neil’s spot was but he didn’t ask. If Andrew checked there and Neil wasn’t there then there wasn’t much we could do. 

“This is ridiculous!” Allison yelled. “We’ve checked everywhere in Palmetto!” 

Something clicked in Kevin’s brain. “He’s not in Palmetto. I know where he is.” 

“You said you checked the bus stations and no one had seen him pass by,” Aaron pointed out. 

“You don’t need a bus to leave Palmetto.” 

~ 

If Kevin was wrong, Andrew was going to kill him. 

Andrew’s car keys were making indents in his hand and he walked. 

“Hey. Let me drive. You’re too on edge right now.” 

Andrew turned toward his twin. Nicky and Katelyn went to drive with Erik, leaving him with just his brother. Andrew knew it was intentional but he didn’t have the brain power to deal with that right now. He just wanted to find Neil. 

He wanted to find Neil, hold him close, demand to know what his poshy stupid ass uncle said to make him want to run, kiss him senseless, and then maybe hunt his uncle down. 

Andrew tossed the keys at Aaron and got in the passenger seat. He closed his eyes and tried to feel nothing but the car moving. 

“Andrew…” Aaron was hesitant. The twins didn’t hate each other but they weren’t stuck together at the hip. They hung out one on one every once in a while but usually they played video games or cooked. They didn’t exactly have heart to hearts at two in the morning when one of their significant others was missing. 

“We’re going to find him,” Aaron said matter of factly. He sounded confident. “Kevin knows Neil. Neil will be there. I’m sure of it.” 

Andrew didn’t comment. Obviously if Neil was where Kevin said he would be Andrew would be pleased. He’d be happy. He’d stuff down the hurt that gnawed at him that he couldn’t find his own boyfriend. That he didn’t know where to look except for the roof. He didn’t know the place that Kevin had spoken about because Neil didn’t tell him. 

Andrew and Neil trusted each other. Andrew accepted that Kevin knew Neil longer but there was this tiny green feeling inside of him that wanted to be the one who found Neil. He had never found anyone like Neil before. He had never felt anything for anything like he feels for Neil before. Andrew feels like he let Neil down. 

The car approached the town line. Andrew could see the sign in the distance that read ‘Now Leaving Palmetto’. Andrew turned around in his seat to make sure that the rest of the group was still following them. He could vaguely make out Matt’s pickup, and Kevin’s car. The other cars were too far behind to see clearly. 

Andrew faced forward and squinted. As the sign approached he could now make out a hunched figure sitting on the ground behind the sign. Andrew’s heart thumped. 

Neil was crouched over with his head in his hands. Aaron pulled the car over in a jerky manner as Andrew flung himself out of the car. 

Andrew on principle did not run or partake in a lot of physical activity. He ran for Neil. 

He noticed Neil was carefully placed behind the Palmetto sign. Showing that he was no longer in the town. 

“Neil.” Andrew stood about a foot away from the town line. He wasn’t going to cross it. 

Neil’s head shot up. “I didn’t hear you.” Neil looked absolutely disturbed at the fact. 

“Neil.” Andrew said again. Andrew now noticed that Neil’s face was streaked with tears and dirt. He didn’t have a jacket on. Andrew thought he must be freezing. 

Andrew took his own jacket off and held it out to Neil, but still not crossing the town line. 

“Come here.” 

Neil shook his head. “I can’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“He’s going to take me away. Take me away from all of you. It’s better if I get a head start.” 

Neil wasn’t making any sense. “Who? Neil, what are you talking about?” 

Neil let out a choked sob. “Uncle Stuart. He said he’s so happy I’m functional now. He can move us to London so he can do his business without all the traveling. He wasn’t to take me away from Palmetto. If I leave now, he can’t take me away.” 

Andrew didn’t mention that Neil leaving on his own, running away, was still him leaving. If he left on his own he would still be leaving Andrew and everyone else. 

“Neil.” Andrew pushed the jacket out further. “You’re going to freeze. Take the jacket.” _Cross the line._ _Come back._

Andrew was faintly aware of the footsteps behind him. Everyone else must have gotten out of their cars. It seemed as though everyone had stopped about six feet away from him. When he turned they were all standing still as though any movement would cause Neil to run. Even Kevin held back. Kevin held eye contact with Andrew and Andrew knew this was all on him. He had to get Neil to come back. Had to get him to cross back over the town line where he would be safe. 

“Neil.” Andrew tried again. Instead of standing he crouched down so that he and Neil were eye level. He kept his hand extended with the jacket. He was starting to get cold himself so he really, really hoped that Neil would listen. “I need you to trust me. You are not going anywhere. I will not let him take you away. You belong in Palmetto. We will figure it out, okay?”

Neil didn’t answer. Instead he stayed on the ground, looking at Andrew like he couldn’t believe him. 

“Neil, I -” Andrew took a deep breath. “Neil. I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you. I will not let this end before it has even begun. We have so much more time together. So much more to do. You are not going anywhere. I promise.” 

Andrew didn’t feel bad about the use of the word ‘promise’. He knew you weren’t supposed to promise things you couldn’t actually promise but Andrew wasn’t concerned. He wasn’t letting Neil go. Not unless Neil wanted out and Andrew was absolutely sure that at this moment Neil was still all in. 

“Take the jacket. Come back.” 

Neil lifted a shaky hand and wiped his cheeks. The air was still and silent. Andrew didn’t dare speak again. He was so fucking tired. He watched as Neil stood up. Andrew stood up as well. 

The two faced off with nothing but the invisible town line separating them. Andrew kept the jacket out for Neil to take. His arm was starting to hurt but didn’t move yet. Andrew had said all he could say. If Neil still wanted to run away after this Andrew would let him. He would let Neil go. Andrew really hoped Neil wouldn’t go. 

Finally, after what felt like years. Neil lifted one of his legs and placed his foot over the town line, then followed by the next one. 

Neil’s hand brushed Andrew’s when he took the jacket. Andrew shivered at the touch but blamed it on the cold. 

Neil was home. 

~ 

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief as Neil crossed over into Andrew’s space, breaking the pin dropping silence that had filled the air beforehand. He couldn’t wait anymore. He knew Andrew would probably be pissed at him but he didn’t care. He stepped forward and kept going until he had Neil in his arms and was crushing him in a hug. 

“Oh my god, Neil.” 

Everyone else followed along and huddled together. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so so -” 

“Stop it,” Kevin said. “Let’s go back to my house. We’ll talk.” 

Everyone piled into cars and drove over to Kevin’s house. It was 3:00am and his parents watched with tired eyes as a herd of kids piled all over the living room. There wasn’t a lot of room for everyone but no one wanted to go home. Everyone wanted to be with Neil. 

Kevin knew that no one would be up until well past the afternoon tomorrow. Or technically today. Kevin knew they would all have to talk. Or at least, he would have to talk to Neil. 

For now, he just rested his head on a pillow. Kevin did not fall asleep until he was 100% sure that Neil was also asleep. He looked over at his friend. He noticed Andrew was also awake. He had what looked like a solid grip on Neil’s hand, as if he was making sure that he wouldn’t be taken away from him. 

The thought hit him like a train. Was that what made Neil run? Did Stuart want to take him away or send him off somewhere else? 

Kevin didn’t know. What he did know, though, was that there was no way in hell anyone was taking his friend away from him. Not if he had anything to do with it. 

~ 

Andrew watched as Kevin finally turned around and fell asleep. Andrew would not be sleeping. He secured his grip in Neil’s hand. Making sure it was tight enough that Andrew felt like Neil wouldn’t disappear but loose enough that it didn’t hurt Neil. 

Andrew observed the long eyelashes on Neil’s face, the scattering of freckles on the bridge of his nose, his slightly parted mouth. He was beautiful and he was Andrew’s. 

Yeah, no. Neil wasn’t going anywhere. Not if he had anything to do with it. 

Neil was home. And home is where he was staying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


	17. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> <3

It had been about three weeks since Neil’s birthday and the fiasco that came with it. Stuart had been conveniently missing. It was like he had come home just to fuck Neil’s life up and then he disappeared, not caring about the disaster he left behind. 

That morning when Neil woke up on Kevin’s floor surrounded by all his friends, he felt overwhelmed with love and support. He had woken up to Andrew’s tight grip on his hand. Andrew hadn’t looked like he got any sleep at all. Like he stayed up specifically to take care of Neil. Neil’s heart had hurt with feelings that morning. 

There was no word on when Neil was supposed to move to London. Or if it was even a thing that was still happening. Neil’s friends have done a good job at distracting him from it but it was hard to pretend sometimes when Neil returned home to an empty house that seemed to keep losing furniture. There was no ‘for sale’ sign yet on the front yard though, and Allison told Neil that was a really good thing. If Stuart hadn’t put the house on the market yet then Neil didn’t have to worry about randomly being pulled from school in the middle of the year. 

Neil was distracted all day at school. He tuned out the morning announcements and was quieter than usual in all his classes. He only picked at his lunch despite Andrew pushing a plate of french fries at him and Nicky forcing a cookie upon him. He barely talked to Robin in art class. Instead he focused on the lines he was drawing. He planned on skipping his run on the track but his path was intercepted. 

“No running today?” 

“I think I’ve run enough.” Neil observed Andrew in his black jeans and black sweater. He had on a jean jacket that had a small red heart shaped pin on the front. “I like the pin.” 

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Renee said I had to be festive since I have a boyfriend this year.” 

“Festive?” 

“Valentine’s Day.” 

“Oh.”  _ Oh. Oh shit.  _ Neil didn’t know it was Valentine’s Day. This explained why there were so many people wearing red or pink today. Why he saw a girl carrying a giant teddy bear around the hallway. Why Allison and Seth had been excessive with their PDA at lunch today. Why Nicky handed him a heart shaped cookie. Was he supposed to get Andrew a gift? Fuck.

“I forgot,” Neil admitted. 

Andrew just gave him a look that was equal parts understanding and disbelief. “I know. Come on.” 

Andrew led him toward his car and Neil got in without question. Neil leaned his head back and closed his eyes as Andrew drove. Neil knew exactly where Andrew was taking him based on the turns and stops the car made. When they arrived at the roof Neil opened his eyes and got out of the car to follow Andrew up. 

When Neil stepped up he saw laid out was a blanket, an array of fruits (Neil’s favorite), and chocolate for dipping (Andrew’s favorite). There were a few throw pillows for leaning and there was a small box in the center of the blanket. 

“Andrew…” Neil started. “I didn’t get you anything.” 

“You stayed.” 

Neil’s head snapped over. It didn’t seem fair that Andrew did all this for him and Andrew was okay with just Neil. 

“I don’t need anything but you,” Andrew took Neil’s hand in his. “Can we sit now or do you need another moment to freak out?” 

Neil shook his head and let Andrew drag him down to the blanket. Neil let Andrew dip his strawberries with too much chocolate and lit up as Andrew laughed when Neil spilled chocolate all over his chin. Neil tried to keep his heart from jumping out his head chest when Andrew leaned forward and kissed the chocolate off his mouth. 

They sat in silence for a bit and Neil felt at peace. 

“Okay,” Andrew said. He pushed the box toward Neil. “Open it.” 

Neil took the box in his hands. He rolled it around a bit and then shook it. He heard a small clanking inside. He unwrapped the paper and then pulled the top off. Lying in the middle of the box was a small silver key. Neil looked wide eyed at Andrew. 

All Andrew had to offer was; “You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be.” 

Neil dragged his eyes back to the key. Andrew was giving him a piece of permanence. Giving Neil permission to come and go as he pleased in Andrew’s home. Giving Neil a key gave Neil somewhere to stay. 

“You should test it out tonight,” Andrew suggested. “See if it works.” 

Neil was still speechless so all he could do was nod. Neil took the key out of the box and held it in his hand. He closed his eyes as he felt the cool metal against his skin. 

“Thank you,” Neil said. Neil hoped that Andrew knew he didn’t just mean for the key. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked. 

“Yes.” 

Neil let Andrew take the key out of his hand and place it on the side. He pushed Neil back so he was lying flat on the blanket. Neil let Andrew climb over him and press him further into the ground. Neil felt his heart open up completely with every press of Andrew’s lips to his own. How could Neil ever leave this? 

Mary taught Neil how to run. She told Neil he should always stay on defence, never trust anyone, never look back. 

Neil figured he could still run. He could try, but he was in too deep. 

Sure, Neil could run. But he would always look back. He would always come back to Andrew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only 3 more chapters left :) 
> 
> sorry the last few have been so short


	18. Spring Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spring break antics and a plan is made

Spring Break approached and Neil was feeling a little better about his home situation. There was no more disappearing furniture as far as Neil could tell. It was mid April and Palmetto was warm and Neil was placing his duffel bag in the back of Andrew’s car. 

The group had sort of split up for Spring Break. Jean, Jeremy, Laila, and Sara were all going to California for break. Thea was visiting family in Texas. Marissa, Robin, and Katelyn (much to Aaron’s dismay) were all going to Orlando with the rest of the cheerleading team. Seth was going to a football training camp in upstate somewhere in New England and Erik was going with him. This left Neil with Andrew, Aaron, Nicky, Kevin, Dan, Matt, Renee and Allison all going to a cabin that Allison’s family owned. 

Neil was the only person in the car with Andrew. It was only the two of them for a long five hour drive. They played a few games of i-spy, which Andrew hated, they took turns playing songs and making the other guess what the song was (Andrew knew every song from Top 40 and Neil weirdly enough recognized a lot of rap songs), and mostly, they just enjoyed each other's company. 

When they arrived at the cabin they were given the room that was furthest away from everyone else as assigned by Allison and for that Neil was grateful. Being away from everyone else meant Andrew was going to be in a good mood. 

“Make sure you assign yourself as far away from kevin as possible. We all know what happens when Allison and Kevin are near each other in a cabin,” Nicky said. 

“That happened once!” Kevin sputtered out. 

“Actually it happened twice,” Matt corrected. 

“It happened  _ once _ ,” Allison said, forcefully. “And it doesn’t matter this year because Seth and I are together. I’d never cheat.”

“Of course not,” Nicky placated. 

“You know what, Hemmick? Just for that I’m giving you the room right in between the bathroom and Matt and Dan. So you’ll have to listen to straight sex or jacking off this entire trip.” 

Nicky’s face fell and Aaron offered him a half hearted pat on the shoulder. 

“Don’t worry Nicky, we’ll be quiet,” Dan said. 

“No we won’t,” Matt laughed. He grabbed his own suitcase and Dan’s and headed up the stairs to their room. Nicky followed while sulking. 

Neil and Andrew made their way to their own room. When they opened the door they discovered there was only one bed. They slept next to each other the day Neil had run away but technically Andrew didn’t sleep and they were surrounded by a bunch of other people. 

This seemed different. This wasn’t a casual sleepover. This was spring break, far away from Palmetto with no adults in the house. Neil knew he wasn’t ready for anything further than the heavy making out he and Andrew did, and he hoped that even if Andrew was ready for more that he was okay with waiting. 

Andrew jumped onto the large bed and leaned against the pillows. Seeing Andrew on the bed removed Neil’s filter. 

“I don’t want to have sex.” 

Andrew just raised his eyebrows. 

“Yet,” Neil added as if that made this better. 

“Um,” Andrew said. “Me neither? I just wanted to see how the bed felt.” 

“But we’re alone. Like there’s no adults for miles, and it’s spring break.” 

“So?” Andrew asked. “There’s no rule saying we have to have sex during spring break. I’m not ready for that yet. Are you?” 

“No. I just wanted to make sure that was okay.” 

“It’s okay. We don’t do anything unless it’s a yes from both of us. Why would sex be any different?” 

Neil shook his head. “I don’t know. Can I blame it on cabin fever? Is that a thing? Maybe spring break stupidity?” 

“Spring break stupidity,” Andrew agreed. “Wanna make out until they notice we haven’t come back?” 

“Yes.” 

~ 

It was later in the evening now. Matt and Kevin had grilled burgers for everyone and Neil was full. Full of food and happiness. There was a drinking game going on because there always was when this crowd was together but Neil had opted out of drinking this trip. Last time Neil got drunk his uncle showed up out of nowhere and told him he wanted to move to London so Neil wasn’t taking any chances this time. Instead he just refilled Andrew’s glass with expensive whiskey. 

At some point the drinking game turned into an intense game of truth or truth. No one was picking dare so Nicky said the first truth was supposed to be less intense than the second truth but no one was really following that rule. 

Neil had learned that Allison and Kevin had hooked up only once during one spring break at this exact cabin despite everyone’s belief it happened twice. Thea and Seth hadn’t necessarily been in the picture yet. He learned that Jean and Kevin didn’t speak to each other for a month when they learned they both had a crush on Jeremy in middle school, Aaron and Andrew switch places whenever Aaron has to do something that involves public speaking, before Katelyn Aaron had a crush on Dan, and that Renee’s first kiss was Allison. 

Neil was surprised there was so much more to learn about his friends. When it came to Neil’s turn, Allison asked him what he really thought about his Uncle Stuart. 

“I don’t really know him,” Neil answered, honestly. “I think he means well but really I’m just his sister’s kid who he never got to meet until recently. He’ll never choose me over his business and that’s okay. It is. I don’t think I’d consider him family. I feel more at home when I have dinner at Kevin’s house than I do when I’m with him.” 

Neil tried to make the last part seem like more of a joke but there was a brief silence that fell over the group and Neil knew everyone was taking his words to heart. 

Nicky tried to move the game along but Kevin had stood up like he just figured out the meaning to life. 

He was drunk so he stumbled a bit but he said, “I need Allison and Andrew to follow me out of the room. Secret meeting.” 

“It’s not secret if you call it secret,” Nicky grumbled. 

“Or if you announce it to the whole room,” Renee added not unkindly. 

Allison and Andrew shared a look but got up and followed out a stumbling Kevin. Neil thought that was a very odd group of people to be having a not-secret meeting but he knew if it warranted it that Andrew would tell him what was up. 

Those not part of the not-secret meeting continued the game of truth or truth until Aaron immediately called for an end to the game when for Matt’s truth, Dan asked him what he planned to do to her tonight. 

“So unnecessary,” Aaron complained. 

“At least you don’t have the room right next to them,” Nicky said. 

Renee made sure that Matt and Dan made it to their room safely and then put on a movie nice and loud for the rest of them to watch. Allison, Andrew and Kevin still weren’t back yet so Neil sat on the couch with Nicky and Renee while Aaron stayed on the floor. 

When Andrew finally came back Neil was half asleep with his head on Renee’s shoulder. Andrew poked him to wake him up. He gave a quick apology to Renee who just told him he could sleep on her shoulder anytime. Neil followed Andrew to their own bed. 

They lied down facing each other covered in blankets. The fan was running so despite the heat from outside, the room was cool. Neil watched as Andrew scooted closer toward him. 

Neil placed his hand out in between them as an offering for Andrew. Instead of holding it, Andrew adjusted their hands so just their pinkies were interlocking. 

“What are we promising?” Neil whispered into the dark. The moon was bright enough that he could vaguely make out Andrew’s face. 

Andrew cleared his throat. “Us. To be together until we can’t.” 

Until they can’t. Neil ran the words over through his head. He liked how they sounded. Can’t could be so many things. It was a promise that if they could be together, if the feelings were there, they would be together. If not, then they wouldn’t. 

Neil squeezed his pinky tighter around Andrew’s. “I promise. Yes or no?” 

“Yes.”

Neil leaned forward and kissed Andrew once before moving back and falling asleep. 

~ 

The rest of spring break went just like the first day. Mostly just eating and drinking all day. Allison, Kevin and Andrew would randomly all leave the room at the same time. They didn’t get much better at making these meetings very secretive. Andrew never told him what they were talking about but Neil wasn’t concerned. 

When Andrew wasn’t around he hung out with Aaron and Matt playing video games. Sometimes he let Nicky teach him how to make fancy cocktails even though he didn’t drink them. He helped Dan grill lunch on the barbecue, and one morning he found Renee in the backyard of the cabin and tried to copy her yoga positions. He was surprisingly very flexible and he thought back to Sara’s comment about him becoming a cheerleader back in the diner all those months ago. 

“Have you enjoyed your break so far?” Renee asked as they switched into a downward dog position. 

“I have,” Neil answered. “I’ve felt very free this week.” 

Renee hummed. “It must be stressful. Not knowing if you’re going to be staying or having to move.” 

“Andrew said he wouldn’t let him, my Uncle Stuart, take me away. I believe him. I don’t know why, if my uncle wants me in London then I don’t have much of a choice, but I don’t think I’m leaving Palmetto any time soon.” 

Renee called for another position switch then said, “I think you’re right.” 

~ 

The drive back to Palmetto was quiet. Andrew tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the music, and Neil sat with his head against the window watching the world pass by. 

When Andrew pulled up to Neil’s house there was a car in his driveway. Uncle Stuart. 

Neil sighed. 

“Neil,” Andrew said. 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s going to be okay,” Andrew said it with the confidence of someone who could see into the future. Neil believed him. 

Neil took a deep breath and got out of the car. He grabbed his duffel bag and headed toward his front door. Before he made it, he saw Kevin practically flip his car into his own driveway next door. 

“WAIT!” Kevin yelled. “DON’T GO IN YET!” 

Neil stood frozen in his driveway. He looked back at Andrew who hadn’t left yet. 

Andrew rolled his window down, “Call me when it’s done.” 

He pulled away after that and left Neil confused. Done with what? 

Kevin ran out of his house with Abby and David right behind him. When they approached Neil Abby gave him a smile, “Hi Neil.” 

“Hello,” Neil said, still confused. “What’s going on?” 

Kevin was being freakishly smiley. “It’s all gonna work out Neil.” 

Neil still didn’t understand. 

David clapped Neil on the shoulder, “Come on kid, we need to go have a chat with your uncle.” 

“About what?” Neil asked. 

Kevin was the one to answer, “About us being brothers, for real.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thinking about kevin and neils friendship and crying hbu


	19. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil Abram Josten-Day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he's not really hyphenating his name ok i just couldn't think of a good summary also disclaimer i have no idea how the legal system works with changing legal guardians but let's just pretend that allison + stuart's resources combined make it as easy as pie

Neil sat restlessly at the dining room table. His leg could not stop bouncing. Kevin had thrown his own large leg over Neil’s knee but Neil’s anxiety was too powerful. 

His heart raced faster every minute Stuart didn’t say anything. Stuart sat at the head of the table reading (very thoroughly) through stacks of papers brought over by Abby and David. 

Neil didn’t know what they said but the gist of what was happening here was that Abby and David wanted to become Neil’s legal guardians. Stuart would have no say over what Neil could or could not do, he could move freely to London and Neil would get to stay in Palmetto. Neil would move in with Kevin and they’d be brothers. He’d have a real home and a real family that didn’t disappear every other week. He’d get to have family dinners and he’d be able to stay with Andrew. He’d get to use Andrew’s key whenever he wanted. 

It all sounded too good to be true. Would Stuart go for it? Neil wasn’t sure. As far as Neil knew, Stuart didn’t have any children of his own back in London. Neil wasn’t stupid. He knew Stuart's “business” was very similar to that of his deceased father. Didn’t people like that need an heir to takeover the family business or whatever? 

Neil was getting more impatient and restless. He tried not to hope; he didn’t want to be disappointed. But the perfect life, the ideal scenario, was hanging right over his head. He wanted to reach out and grab it. There was not much that Neil Josten wanted. 

He wanted this so bad. He wanted this life so bad. 

“Neil.” 

Neil’s head snapped up at his uncle addressing him. “Yeah?” 

“Is this what you want?” Stuart asked. He didn’t seem upset at the prospect of losing the last connection to his sister. He didn’t seem to have any expression or opinion. He was genuinely asking if this was what Neil wanted. 

Neil mustered up all the confidence he could as he said yes. This was what he wanted. 

Stuart hummed. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Neil asked. It seemed too easy. 

“Okay,” Stuart repeated. “I’ll make a few calls so we can do this as quickly as possible. Your friend Allison’s parents have some resources that will be useful in getting this house sold.”

That explains why Allison was included in Kevin’s secret meetings over spring break. Neil’s heart felt full in thinking about Kevin, Allison, and Andrew coming up with a plan to keep him in Palmetto. 

“May I have a moment alone with my nephew?” Stuart requested. 

“Of course,” Abby said. “We’ll go fill out the last of the paperwork. Neil, you can come over when you’re done.” 

Kevin ruffled Neil’s hair before following his parents out to his house. 

Neil and Stuart sat quietly at the table for a few excruciating seconds before Neil spoke first. “We don’t really know each other.” 

“No, I suppose we don’t,” Stuart agreed. “I would have liked to get to know you, but my business is a bit pressing.” 

“I don’t want to go to London.” 

“I know.” 

“I’m sorry,” Neil added.

Stuart shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry. I came here when your mother died because I wanted to do right by my sister. I should have intervened a long time ago. Maybe she’d still be here if I had. But then again maybe it wouldn’t have mattered in the end.” 

“I’ve learned to stop thinking about ‘what if’s’,” Neil said, thinking back to a conversation he had under the bleachers with Jean. 

“You’re a smart boy,” Stuart said. “I want you to know that just because I won’t be your legal guardian anymore that doesn’t mean we stop being family. I know you feel closer to Kevin’s family and you probably consider your friends more of your family than you do me. But if you ever need anything, or you find yourself in the London area, don’t be a stranger.” 

“I won’t.” Neil was surprised it was the truth. 

Stuart nodded. “Good. I’m going to sell the house and give you half the proceeds.” 

Neil got whiplash. “Wait, what?” 

“I’m not just going to send you off to new people without any funding of your own. Abby and David are nice people but I don’t want you having to rely on them if you want something. You’re half Hatford. Independence is in your nature. So half the money I make from this sale will go to you. I’ll put it in a bank account you can access whenever.”

“I don’t know what to say. Thank you, Uncle Stuart.” 

“No thanks are necessary. Now, you should call your friends over to help you pack. I’m going back to London tonight and I’ll handle the sale from overseas. I’ll call you when the money is in your account.” 

Business as usual then. Neil nodded. He didn’t feel emotional about Stuart leaving. “I guess this is goodbye then?” 

“Goodbye, indeed.” Stuart shuffled his own papers. “I’ll go sign these so you can bring them to Abby and David.” 

Neil was left sitting at the table by himself. He quickly got his phone out of his pocket and dialed Andrew. 

“Is it done?” Andrew asked instead of greeting Neil. 

“Yeah,” Neil said. “Yes. How is this real? How is this happening?” 

“Kevin got this idea when you said you felt more at home at his house during that game of truth or truth over spring break. He came up with the plan and had Allison make a bunch of legal calls to see if it would be possible since you’re still technically in Witness Protection,” Andrew explained. 

“And it’s possible?” 

“It’s complicated. But it doesn’t matter because Allison’s family has enough influence to get around it, and your uncle is literally a mob boss so…” Andrew trailed off. Neil had never heard anyone talk about his uncle’s occupation so bluntly before. Even Neil didn’t refer to Stuart as what he really was. It was almost refreshing to have so much transparency. 

Neil felt happy. “Any chance of you coming over to help me pack and move my stuff to Kevin’s?” 

Andrew scoffed. “Obviously. I’m already in the car with Aaron and Nicky.” 

“Thank you,” Neil smiled even though Andrew couldn’t see him. “I can’t believe you all did this just so I could stay.” 

“Yeah you’re going to stop thanking us one week into living so close to Kevin,” Andrew joked. 

Neil laughed but he didn’t think it was true. Neil would just be happy to have a real family. A real brother. Neil hung up so that Andrew could drive to him. He sent a quick text to Kevin. 

_ > you’re first brotherly duty is to help me pack up my room.  _

**_Kevin Day:_ ** _!!!!!!!! on my way !!!!!!!!!! _

Neil smiled down at his phone. He sent a quick group text to everyone else updating them on the situation. He sent a separate text to Allison, thanking her for all she’s done. 

**_Allison Reynolds:_ ** _ Anything for you my beautiful baby fox <3 As Kevin’s new brother you have a responsibility to inform me of anything embarrassing he does that could be used for blackmail.  _

_ > Of course  _

With the help of Kevin, Andrew, Nicky, and Aaron all of Neil’s stuff was moved into the guest room at Kevin’s house. Neil thought it would be weird to be in this house and not sleeping on Kevin’s floor like he normally did when he stayed over but it wasn’t. He felt like he belonged. He didn’t feel like a guest in this house. He woke up in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen like he’d lived there his whole life. He peaked out the side window and looked at his old house. He felt no sadness about being there. 

He jumped at the sound of a man’s voice. 

“Homesick already?” David asked. He walked toward the fridge and got a bottle of water out. 

“No,” Neil said. “It’s sort of the opposite? I’ve never felt as at home as I do right now.” 

“You’re a strong kid, Neil. We’re glad to have you here, okay?” 

David seemed sort of uncomfortable with the slight affection he was giving so Neil just nodded and walked back up to his room. He was lying in bed when he heard a faint knock on his door. Seconds later Kevin snuck in. 

Kevin walked over to the bed Neil was lying on. “Scoot over.” 

“Don’t you have your own bed?” Neil asked, but obliged and made room for the taller boy. 

“Feels weird having you across the hall instead of in my room.” 

Neil hummed. They laid in silence for a moment before Kevin turned onto his side to face Neil. When Neil didn’t immediately turn over to face Kevin, Kevin poked him in the ribs. 

“What?” 

“This is okay right?” Kevin asked. 

“You interrupting my sleep? I guess so, but I’d prefer if you don’t make a habit of it.” 

“No, I mean you being here. Big picture. I didn’t really run this by you. I just got Allison and Andrew involved and then sprung it on you in the middle of your driveway.” 

Neil could see Kevin was genuinely worried he crossed some invisible line. 

“It’s okay,” Neil said. “I feel like this is something I subconsciously thought about. We’ve always been more than friends. I never would have had the courage to make any of this happen, though.” 

“You’re very brave,” Neil added when Kevin didn’t say anything. 

“Oh, please,” Kevin flushed. “I just couldn’t let you leave.” 

“I’m glad I have you,” Neil said. “Can I go to bed now?” 

Kevin laughed. “You’re going to be the worst little brother ever.” 

“Obviously,” Neil agreed. “I have to make up for years of not living under the same roof. I’m going to make your life a nightmare.” 

“I can’t wait,” Kevin said. Neil could tell he meant it. 

Neil turned on his back and closed his eyes. He went to bed comfortably and quickly. He dreamed about Christmas and all the banter he and Kevin had. He dreamed about bringing Andrew over and snooping through Kevin’s room with him. He dreamed about games of flag football in the backyard. 

He dreamed of family dinners and the future. It felt so clear and so real. For the first time in a very long time, Neil Josten was full of hope. 


	20. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduation and running

In the grand scheme of things, Neil Josten’s life had changed dramatically within the last year. He lost his mother, had to start going to school after years of being kept away from the general public, and had to learn how to be real. 

Neil Josten’s life had changed even more dramatically within the span of a month. The whole process should’ve taken longer, but he guessed there were some benefits to having mob ties and rich friends. Abby and David were now Neil’s legal guardians. It should’ve made a bigger difference, but really the only thing that changed was that Andrew would drop Neil off at the next house over after school. 

Abby and David didn’t treat Neil any different than they did before. Occasionally Neil would help Abby in the kitchen when she was attempting one of her dinners. Since there was no football practice, Kevin was home from school early and they would pass a ball back and forth in the backyard while David sat in a lawn chair and offered pointers. Kevin would just roll his eyes and ignore his dad but Neil fully embraced the father-son experience. 

Neil would have Andrew over but have to keep his door open. They never got further than kissing because Kevin would show up and make them hang out with him. 

“Don’t you have friends?” Andrew huffed one day pulling away from Neil. He sent Kevin a murderous glare but Kevin just took it in stride and plopped himself on the bed right in between Andrew and Neil. 

“You’re my friend - ” 

“We are barely acquaintances, Day.” Andrew interrupted.

“ - and Neil is my brother. I’m having a crisis.” 

“You’re always having a crisis. I don’t see why you need to bother us.” Andrew said. 

“I need brotherly advice!” Kevin insisted. 

“What’s the crisis?” Neil asked. Neil knew from experience that Andrew and Kevin could go back and forth for hours and he really just wanted to get back to kissing his boyfriend as quickly as possible. 

Kevin huffed dramatically and pulled his hood over his head. He tightened the strings so that you could barely see his eyes. “Thea is graduating at the end of the month.” 

“Yes,” Neil said carefully. “She is.” 

“I fucked up.” 

Andrew snorted. “That’s one way of putting it. You ignored any real conversation she wanted to have all year about whatever you two have been doing and now, twenty days before she walks across the stage, you decide you want to deal with it?” 

“I know! Okay? I know. I was an idiot and an asshole to her. I didn’t want to commit. I didn’t want her to stay close to me and then have it not work out and then have her resent me for it.” 

“And?” Andrew pushed. Neil wasn’t surprised that Andrew was actually the better one at comforting people out of the two of them. Andrew was very good at introspection and reading people. 

“And,” Kevin sighed. “And I knew next year, when it came down to it, I wouldn’t be willing to stay.” 

“And there it is,” Andrew said definitely. “I’m going to raid your fridge. When I come back I want you gone.” 

Andrew got off the bed and made his way downstairs, leaving just Neil and Kevin alone in Neil’s room. 

“That makes me sound like a dick, right?” 

Neil shrugged. “It sounds very Kevin.” 

“That doesn’t make it better. That just means I tend to say a lot of dick-ish things.” 

“You do. I don’t mind it. It’s what makes you yourself. What are you going to do about Thea?” 

Kevin took his turn shrugging. “I don’t regret it. I’m glad she’s going to Texas. It’s what she wants to do and I know she's going to thrive there. I guess I just didn’t realize how much I was going to miss her.” 

Neil hummed. “Are you going to miss the others? Like Allison, Dan, Renee, Seth?” 

“Of course. Maybe not Seth so much but still,” Kevin laughed. 

“Does it feel different? Like how you’re going to miss them compared to Thea?” 

Kevin was quiet. He looked to be actually pondering the questions so Neil didn’t speak again. He just waited him out until he was ready to answer. 

“No,” Kevin admitted. He looked sort of guilty about the admission. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah,” 

“Did you even like Thea? I mean, obviously you liked her, but you two have been doing this dance for years so why not ever just make it official?” 

“I think…” Kevin started. “I think when I first met her I was just completely enamored. She was just as competitive as me and I liked being around her. Everyone used to say how cute we’d be together so we just went with it. We would flirt, go to dances together, sometimes hook up. I did like her as more than a friend at some point. I think our priorities changed and we never talked about it. We just kept running in circles.” 

Neil nodded. “I was jealous of the two of you at that welcome back party all those months ago. You two were playing some carnival game or something and everyone just seemed coupled off and I was alone.” 

“I barely remember the welcome back party. Guess that shows how not into it I was.” 

“You were probably into it at the time. I think it’s okay that you don’t have feelings for Thea anymore. I think it sucks that the two of you never talked about it and as a result you felt like you had to give her attention and she felt like she was wasting her time just waiting for you. I think you should talk to her.” 

“And say what? Sorry I wasted the last four years of your life?” 

“Tell her you’re going to miss her. That you’re happy for her. Keep it simple.” 

Before Kevin could reply Andrew barged back in the room. “Times up, Day. Go bother Jean or Jeremy with your lack of ability to communicate with women.” 

Kevin rolled his eyes but got up off the bed. “Thanks, Neil.” 

Andrew replaced Kevin and with him he brought a box of chocolate chip cookies. “I found Abby’s secret sweets stash. She hides it so Kevin won’t know.” 

Neil laughed. “Of course she does.” 

The mood was kind of ruined thanks to Kevin so instead they just sat and ate cookies. “Will you miss any of the graduates?” 

Andrew shrugged. “Renee, mostly. Maybe Allison a bit but if you tell anyone I’ll make you pay.” 

“I think I’ll miss Allison the most,” Neil admitted. “No offense to the rest of them of course.” 

Andrew made a zipped lips motion in front of his mouth. “I think this is the easy year.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“They’re all graduating, yeah but our lunch tables are pretty much still full, you know? But next year is when it’ll be rough. Erik will graduate which will make Nicky more intolerable than usual. Matt will graduate. Jeremy, Laila, and Sara as annoying and bubbly as they all are do provide some form of entertainment. Jean will graduate. Kevin.” 

Neil thought about it. Next year would be rough. A year ago Neil would have panicked about it. But now, living with Kevin and being more secure in his friendships he felt okay. Kevin would come back to him and he would stay in contact with the others. 

“I’ll still have you. And Aaron and Nicky. And Katelyn. Even Marissa,” Neil said. 

“And then what? We’ll be gone the year after that.” 

“I’ll have Robin,” Neil said simply. “Why are you being a downer?” 

Andrew bit into another cookie. “Just making sure you’re prepared.” 

Neil knew it was probably Andrew dealing with change and Renee graduating in his own way and there was definitely more to it. People leaving, that kind of thing. But Neil allowed Andrew to have his deflection. Andrew would talk about it when he was ready. 

“I’m prepared,” Neil said. “I don’t want to think about more people leaving, though. I want to be here with you. I’ll deal with the future at a later point.” 

“Hmm,” Andrew said. “I’m asking a truth. Where do you’d be right now if your mom was still alive?” 

“Dead,” Neil was surprised with how quickly the answer came to him. “She was getting antsy in that house. She didn’t trust Witness Protection. I could tell, toward the end. She wanted us to run. So we probably would’ve ran and then both ended up dead.” 

Andrew hummed. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

Neil put out his pinky and watched as Andrew interlocked his own. 

“Me too.” 

~ 

The day of Graduation came. Neil got ready with Kevin in his best clothes that were pre-approved by Allison. 

When they got to the school, the rest of the lunch group plus Robin were already taking over a large section of bleachers. The graduation was being held on the football field. It was, thankfully, a sunny day outside. Neil thought Allison probably made some sort of deal with the devil to make sure her big day was perfect. 

Palmetto’s principal started off the ceremony with a speech. Neil tuned it out, along with the rest of his friends. Next up was the valedictorian. Neil didn’t know who it was so he tuned that out too. He was hardly surprised to find out that Renee, Dan and Thea were all in the Top 10. They all sat in the very front row and had special sashes. After the valedictorian, the principal invited the senior class president up to the stage. 

Neil’s section went wild as Allison marched up. He saw Seth stand up in his row with the other graduates and cheer. All Palmetto’s graduates wore either a white or orange gown. Allison opted for a white one and with it wore a pair of orange stilettos. Her cap was decorated but Neil couldn’t make out exactly what it said. 

“I’m sure my fellow classmates are sick of listening to me speak, especially after four years of me on the morning announcements.” The audience laughed. “But as usual, I don’t care what anyone thinks. So no, I will not make this quick.” 

Matt took out his phone from beside Neil and hit record. 

“Like a lot of people my age, for the longest time I thought I had my life all figured out,” Allison began. “There was only one step in my master plan and it was to move to London to go to a fashion school. That was it. Anyone who wanted to still be in my life would have to accommodate and I wasn’t going to compromise for anyone or anything. I was incredibly selfish and insecure. I wanted to be as far away as I could possibly be because I wanted to see who would care if I was gone. 

This year I met someone who made me realize that in the simplest of terms, my plan was just running away. This someone had actually had a life on the run. When I first met him, he was completely in awe of everyday things that I took for granted. He saw Palmetto and saw beauty. He saw a home in the place I was trying so desperately to leave.” 

Neil felt his face heat up. Andrew was holding his hand and hoped he didn’t notice how clammy Neil’s was getting.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of running away. Running away doesn’t have to mean leaving. You can run toward something and it could be life changing. You can run with someone. You can run to someone. Running can be freedom. If I could offer my fellow classmates one piece of advice as they move on it would be this: Be ready to run. Run toward new dreams and new opportunities because you cannot foresee the future. The course you are on is not permanent and you need to be willing to change and yes, sometimes run toward something new if you want to have the best life you can possibly have. 

I was accepted to the London College of Fashion, if anyone was interested in knowing. It was my number one school and I will not be attending come August. Instead, I’ve chosen to run in a different direction. You can find me amongst the elites at The Fashion Institute of Technology in New York...which is only about two and half hours away from The University of Connecticut.”

Neil watched Allison give a pointed look in Seth’s general direction. 

“I have decided to run toward happiness. I hope you’ll choose to do the same. It’s been real Palmetto. Now, let’s get our diplomas!” Allison closed her speech and received standing ovations from the entire graduating class. 

Neil stood up and whistled for her and even Andrew stood and clapped. Allison clicked off the stage and the principal got back up to read the names of all the students. They did the top ten first so Dan, Thea and Renee were called up early on. Neil cheered and clapped along with the rest of his friends. Matt got overly emotional watching Dan go across the stage in her orange gown and Nicky had to hold him for a moment. Kevin cheered the loudest as Thea walked across. Both Andrew and Jean were uncharacteristically loud for Renee. 

Neil ignored the other names until they got to Seth. Neil’s whole group got up and yelled for him, with Erik even blowing a party popper. They were so loud that Seth noticed them from all the way on stage. He seemed surprised that there was that much noise for him. 

Names were ignored again until Allison and Neil swore the entire bleachers shook beneath his body because so many people got up and cheered for her. 

The ceremony continued and then ended. At the end all the graduates threw their caps up in the air, half of them lost and not retrieved until the cleaning crew picked them up. Neil watched the sea of orange and white move around hugging and congratulating each other. 

After meeting up with their families Allison, Dan, Renee, Thea and Seth all took a photo together and then with everyone in the group. More hugs were given, Neil was sandwiched between Dan and Renee when he noticed Thea and Kevin embracing each other. 

At some point the crowd died down and people started to head home. Everyone except Neil and his friends. They stood on the football field chatting and hugging and taking photos well after the ceremony ended. 

Neil knew it wasn’t over yet. There was still summer. Seth would be around for a few weeks before football camp, and the girls weren’t leaving until August besides Renee who would be joining the Peace Corps in the beginning of July. Neil knew it wasn’t over but there was something bittersweet lingering in the air. The chatter died down and soon everyone was left just standing, not one person making a move to leave. 

Neil had expected Allison to throw a big graduation party but for some reason she didn’t. None of his graduating friends really had any plans to celebrate their end of high school. Neil looked around at the solemn faces. 

“How about a game of kickball?” Neil suggested. 

Allison’s eyes lit up. “Yes! Last one to the park has to have Kevin on their team. Ready? Go!” 

Neil watched as everyone immediately sprinted to their cars or piled into a car. Kevin was full of dismay and complained loudly as both Jeremy and Jean betrayed him and went toward Sara and Laila instead of with him even though he had originally driven them to the graduation. Neil and Andrew lagged behind everyone. 

“Great,” Andrew said. “Now we’re stuck with Kevin.” 

Allison and Seth blocked Matt’s truck from backing out of the parking spot with Allison’s car so that Erik and Renee could drive to the park before him. Swears were thrown around and Kevin yelled that everyone sucked out his own car window. 

“Yeah, yeah we are,” Neil said fondly. 

The cars were gone by the time Neil and Andrew sat in Andrew’s car. They accepted teaming up with Kevin and were in no rush. Neil wanted to drag out every moment for the rest of his life. 

He thought back to Allison’s speech. He was glad he wasn’t a runner anymore but he enjoyed the romanticism behind running away. Allison made it sound pretty. Neil ran back to his friends instead of fucking off to London. He ran toward accepting Kevin and Abby and David as his new family. He would run toward Andrew for as long as Andrew would let him. 

Andrew started up the car and flicked on the radio. Neil laid his head back against the seats and closed his eyes, letting the music coming through the speakers fill him up. 

_ This time I'm ready to run _

_ Escape from the city and follow the sun _

_ 'Cause I wanna be yours _

_ 'Cause you wanna be mine _

_ I don't wanna get lost in the dark of the night _

_ This time I'm ready to run _

_ Wherever you are is the place I belong _

_ 'Cause I wanna be free _

_ And I wanna be young _

_ I'll never look back now I'm ready to run _

Neil could run, but he would always run back to Palmetto and the home he created. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to everyone who has read and been patient with my updating. this is the longest fic i've ever written and the one i'm most proud of. i really hope you enjoyed it <3 
> 
> come say hi to me on tumblr if u want! @ bazerella :) 
> 
> <3 <3 <3


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